Can we take a break ?
by MathildeM
Summary: Set after ending season 2 - Clarke comes back after 4 months and stumble upon Lexa. Good, because she was looking for her... This will be a multi chapter Clexa love story, be warned !
1. Chapter 1

A/N

Hi there ! So this is my first ffiction, and also not in my langage. I'm french but i love reading the FFs in english, so it came naturely to me to start writting in english too. I hope i'll not make too much mistakes, i thank you in advance for your understanding :o)

I enjoy reading as many Cleka fiction as i can, like _a lot_ , now is my turn to give and keep on nourishing the LOVE ! This's going to be a multi chapter fiction, 'cause as a reader i like to go deep in the reading for as long as i can - i figure i'm gonna do the same as i write!

I don't own the characters (...)

I hope you'll enjoy ^^

Chapter 1

'Klarke'

Of course it would be in a moment like _that_ that they'd finaly meet. She closes her eyes with a quiet sign.

She's so tired, five days of hiking hard would do that to you. Well, to anyone who has grone up in a metalic box in space that is. Did she mention she was tired ? And yet, here she is, already involved in yet an other conflict. How touble seems able to find her is beyond Clarke. Even isolated in the deep woods in Lincoln's old cave where her friends knew to leave her alone, others decided to bug her out of her self-appointed self-loaded. Not that she mindes, really, since her ghosts had become a lot quieter once she started forgiving herself for all those death. Her new beliefs helped her as well. Her sporatic conversations and as much shared silences with Lincoln had helped her greatly, making her think that death, indeed, is not the end. Lincoln patiently explained it to her, the way of re-incarnation, the way of the soul and higher spirit leaving the physical body and moving on to another life. The idea was very soothing, it helped her to believe that all those dead by her hand would somehow keep on existing on an other level. She wasn't ashamed by what she had to do to keep her people safe, doing the extrem in the face of impossible situations twice - once at the dropship under attack, once at the mountain while her friends where drilled to death. She knew, even in despaire, that she had no other choice. In fact the only other choice would have been to give up and _be killed_. It has been that simple. Kill or be killed. So she killed.

So no, she didn't regret her actions, she just barred the loss of so many lives, warriors or children, all in the name of war and foolishness. All because people couln't communication, talk and negociate, instead they hade to _take_ , hurt and violate without a care, and face the consequences. _Jus drein jus daun_ , indeed.

Stupid.

Still, learning about souls and re-incarnation helps her to grive those who died by her hand. Surprisingly it wasn't so hard to believe in the after-life. She'd seen it in the Commander's eyes sometimes, the depth of her wisdom, the knowledge and the sorrow behind it, the compassion. The understanding. All of this in such a young person. Even here, lying on the durt struglling with short breath, she knows the minute she'll open her eyes she'll meet the same profond old soul to greet her. The soul of Heda.

'Lexa'

She's not bitter, just exhausted and thirsty. For five days she's been walking to the west, fallowing the movements of the sun, or the moss on the trees to find direction among the woods, observing the stars when she could keep on walking through the night. Many times she've sent a greatfull prier to her father, for teaching her the many things she knows about Earth. As if Jake predicted her coming on the precious planet. Vicious planet as well. He didn't plan much for that part.

 _'Heda, the water snake is gone now. Do you want to move out ?'_

The Commander only nods her head once, and everything starts moving again. Well, the break was short, but Clarke is getting us to it. Her lazy days up on the Ark are very much _over_.

Lexa keeps her eyes on her, still lying on the ground, wet for nearly drowning only minutes ago. She tilts her head on the side without changing an inch of her facial expression. It is all it takes to make Clarke grumble under her breath and starts moving her suddenly heavy arms.

'All right.'

She knows the Grounders enough to know how shy of words they are. And for good reason, as it turns out, seeing how you could step into danger every step you took, from the various warry clans to the angry moving plants, big old scary trees and snaky freaking creatures wondering around without a sound. Yeah, Earth was a scary place. All the wonder she tasted when fist landing had fade away fast. So earing, here, is a key tool to _surviving_. And to ear you need to shut up and listen.

This tilting of the head thing that Lexa is currently doing means : 'are you standing on your own or do you need me to help you ?' Yes, all that with one little movement.

Clarke gets up on her shaky legs, sways a little and reaches out for balance, her hand landing directly on Lexa's shoulder. Instinctly their eyes meet and lock for a brief moment. Clarke knows Lexa is probably anxious about her, about her state of mind after Mount Wather. Even if nothing in her face or composture gives that impression away, Clarke knows, because being alone in that cave for four months, she came to the understanding that Lexa had many many layers. One of them, she was certain of it, hold all of her emotions, even those she didn't want to have. Like regret. A leader cannot aford to regret, he can only move on to the next task, hoping he'll do better this time around. Still, a part of her wares it, underneath the armor and the strong will, the regret, not to have done what was best, leaving the Sky people behind to fend to themself, but to leave Clarke behind, alone without her. Somehow along the way, Clarke and Lexa had become _more_ , and that is the regret festering, deeply burred in the Commander's chest.

It is with this understanding that Clarke fills her lungs with new air, _clean_ air. For the both of them. With a barely lifted corner of her mouth, she squezzes the Heda's shoulder and lets her eyes show. It is enough for Lexa's stiff posture to relax a little. Clarke is sure she ears a release of breath coming from the Commander's mouth as well.

Somehow, seeing the Commander shown a glimpse of her inner self makes Clarke's barely there grin turn into a starting smile. She finishes to regain her balance and takes her hand back, her body shivering. She doesn't know if it is from cold or if it is a way for her body to react at the loss of contact, missing the connexion. She doesn't want to analysethat, not now.

She ears a cliring of throat and a soft 'We need to go, Klark.' For a brief moment, Clarke closes her eyes and relishes of her name delivered by the voice she didn't realised she missed deeply. She knows they don't have time for this – as per usual – so she nods, feeling suddenly too emotional to speak. She is so, so tired already.

'Ouhou !' The cry is very much like any other chirping bird as far as Clarke is concern, but suddenly she is grabded roughly by the arm, forced to a crouch and leaded among the trees with speed. Not once the grip of Lexa's fingers reduces, her other hand waring her drawned sword.

Oh, right.

For a second between almost drowning and facing Lexa in a overwhelmed rush of aching reunion, she somehow forgot what brought her here in the first place.

The Commander stops and Clarke almost runs into her before mimicking the same position, hiding behing a bush. Their eyes meet and she is stricked by the force of those stormy green eyes. She sees the conflict, she sees the underlying pain it sets. She knows how to erase it. With a small smile she tries to be a mixt of understanding and encouragement – but she is pretty sure there is still some bitterness on it – she nods her agreement, puts her free hand atop Lexa's still on her other one, squeezes and removes the Commander's fingers off of her. Heda is needed.

'Stay here Klarke.'

Her voice is nothing more than a whisper, the order more of a pleading request. And she understands, of course Clarke understands, because she feels it too, deeply. She doesn't want to be separated, not again, not just when they had find each other again _afte_ r _all_ _of this_ , not with the uncertainty of the Ground, of facing death at every corner. They want more time, they need more time, they _deserve_ more time. But that wis not the reality of the Ground, that is a fantasy they need to let go of to survive, yet again.

'Beja Klarke...'

Lexa's voice is broken, her jaw tense, her eyes wet. But she won't shed a tear, she can't aford it. Maybe one day, they won't have to be so strong all the time. However, this day is not today.

With a watery smile of her own, Clarke answers with a voice as shattered as she feels.

'Ste yuj.'

She doesn't know much of Trigedasleng, but this one she picked up with the basics, thank's to Lincoln's frequent visits. Lexa's eyes light up at the words, but their fire become even more intense when Clarke then says : 'Come back to me, Heda.'

With that, she acknowledges that she is okay with Lexa being Heda and having to fallow her head and not her heart, as she said to her on the horrible night. She gives her her understanding and her acceptation. As much as she would like for them to be Clarke and Lexa, they are the leaders of their people when need be, like now. Her answer also says that she'll wait here, she will stay out of the fight, out of danger, she will be safe so Lexa can focus on the war without distraction. Distraction leads to death in an instant, and Clarke intends to protect Lexa as much as she can, even if right now it is by staying put and waiting for her return.

The Commander gives a quick order in Trigedasleng that Clarke's ear doesn't catch, but the hard stare Heda is giving to the three warriors close to them says it all. Lexa turns one last time to her, voice strong as the Commander of the Twelve Clans again.

'They will keep you safe.' Then she adds in a murmur just for her. 'I _will_ come back Clarke. Wait for me.'

And Clarke knows, she _knows_ that a promise like that means nothing in face of a battle, that a wrong move or a nasty cut bleeding too much too fast can so easely end a life, she _knows_ there are no certainty ever - but still she _believes_ Lexa, she has a unyielding faith singing in her veins, so strong that she almost chokes in surprise of her own reaction.

In an instant Heda disappears into the woods without a sound, deadly shadow on the hunt. It was only a few minutes ago that they were standing by the river, now Clarke and her three watchfull protectors stand motionless in silence, waiting for the fight that hasn't start yet to end.

A/N

All right so i am not a Trigedasleng user, i didn't find a dictionary and anyway i'm busy writting in english already ! So i'm gonna skeep the Trig langage and writing in italic, except for the easy words like 'beja' and such.

Hope you'll bare with me on this, i actually have no idea were i'm going in the story but i can assure you it's gonna be mostly a love one ;o)

_M_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Waiting is a very difficult task, as it turns out. Clarke is no warrior, she knows that, she is merely a survivor. She has no training for this, just her gun in her hand, an acceptable aim and a lot of luck to go with it. She has nothing to bring to a real battle. Yet she yearns to join, to join _Lexa_ , to be by her side, to protect her somehow. Her head keeps telling her how ridiculous it would be for her to go in the heat of a fight, but her heart jams so hard in her ribs that it is complicated to focus on logic. Her feet itch to move, and it takes all of her strengh to keep still. Apparently even staying stationary requires energy.

She can hear shouts and swords clashing, far away from their position. Her human shield scans their surrounding, always watching, completely silent, arms at the ready. One of them is as big as he is tall, shirtless, skin painted with dirt and dark symbols, wearing a massive mask and a heavy mass with both hands. It is like he is waving a sign saying 'don't mess with me of i'll smash your skull with my bare hands'. Clarke hopes he is as efficient as he is impressive. The other warrior is slim, her clothes simple and light, her hands occupied each by a dagger and Clarke can see others shorts weapons clipped on her tighs. She muses a moment about that choice of weapon, keeping note of her interest for later on, and shifts her focus on the last appointed protector, a boy who looks like Charlotte's age, with bow and arrow at the ready. Even at such a young age Clarke knows that this boy is probably as good as any guard of the Ark.

She sighs inwardly. Earth is such a paradoxal place, beautiful and deadly that even a child must learns to sway between innocence and awareness, at all times.

The woman warrior snaps her tongue in her mouth, making a curt and small sound, not once decreasing her watch. Immediately responding to the signal, the boy puts his arrow back in his quiver, his bow accross his neck and jumps soundlessly into a tree, ten feet from them. Clarke can only guess he'll be more at ease to aim possible attackers from there.

Once again her fingers tighten on her gun, her muscles so tense, her blood so fast in her temples, Clarke has to clench her jaw to keep still. She focuses on her breathing. Each breath is like a prier, a wish for Lexa to be okay. _Please, be okay._

She hears a shout far on her left and then nothing. No sounds, not _anything_. She doesn't know if it's a good nothing or a bad nothing, she doesn't know if the fight is over when it began only minutes ago. _She doesn't know,_ and it drives her a little more restless. She _needs_ to know.

She's seen enough people have panic attacks to detect her anxiety going to the roof right now, her heart hammering too hard. She is frantic and about to move, no matter her promise, no matter those warriors around her, she'll get past them, she needs to go past them, she needs to go to Lexa. Now. She doesn't finish her thought when she's on the move, but she barely makes it three steps before she comes face to face to the Commander. A very much alive Commander.

Relief explodes inside Clarke and she is left feeling high, nauseous and about to pass out. For four months she avoided all the politics, the drama, the fight, the death. She's lived in a peacefull, beautiful bubble in her oblivious little cave, and she is crashing fast. On the freaking Ground, with the freaking Grounders, all bloody and mud.

She misses her bubble.

Her adrenaline rush leaves her cold and shivering and for a second she sees worry in green eyes staring at her. Lexa is alive.

 _Lexa is alive. She's okay._

That is all she can think about before her eyes roll and everything goes black.

The first thing she notices is the heaviness of her body. Her mind is fuzzy, her tongue feels too big for her mouth. And she is thirsty. With a grunt she tries to move and it's like she is restrained by rope. This idea finishes to wake her up immediately, eyes open wide. She twists her neck to scan her surroundings, blood pulsing, forcing her body to be ready for anything. Not for the first time the voice in the back of her head growls.

 _Fucking Ground._

Yet again, she is on surviving mode, fists clench, she pushes on the bed to a sitting position, searching for her gun or any weapon. She doesn't have to search long, the pistol is on the little table near her on the right, she grabs it and swiftly checks the ammo. Gun in hand she observes her body, contracts her muscles. They are sore but working. She stretches quickly and gets up from the bed. She is in a small room, an actual room with walls, brick walls, like on the movies she used to watch back on the Ark. No metallic box, no tent, but a room with a _window_.

Now that her basic need for protection has been satisfied, she can analyse her situation. She hears life outside the wall and she risks a look out the window on her left. There are people wondering around, children running and _laughing_. She can see buildings, tents and huts, and color, so much colors ! These people seem harmless, carefree and peacefull, but Clarke knows better than to trust a pretty picture. Mount Wather tought her that.

Still, her instinct tells her that she's safe.

She mulls over that feeling while she reaches her boots on the floor at the end of the bed and puts them on, never leaving her gun. The room is bare, except for the bed against a wall, the table and a chair, no clue to provide information. She eyes the window a moment, thinking to exit this way, but she'd be too exposed, seing how the room leads directly to a main place occupied by busy Grounders. The door ?

She is thinking about her chances when a knock jerks her out of her thoughts. The door. Someone is knocking at the door. Why would anyone knock on a prisoner's door ? What is the trick this time ?

'Klark'

She is so relieved to hear that voice she almost drops her gun right there. Releasing the breath she didn't know she was holding probably since awakening, Clarke falls onto the bed, closes her eyes briefly and holds her suddenly heavy head in her hands, elbows on her knees, her gun still in her fingers, sliding into her hair.

'Lexa'

She doesn't have to say more than that. Clarke watches the door open slowly, still warry of any change, calculating. Maybe everything is fine, birds chirping and all that, or _anything_ else could be happening in an instant. Better be safe than sorry.

Her eyes lock with Lexa's, and in the silent exchange she sees all the reassurance she needs to finaly let go of her gun. Swallowing the lump in her still dry throat, Clarke puts the weapon on the sheet next to her.

'You are awake'

She lifts an eyebrow at that. It's not in the Commander's habit to make small talk, to state the obvious. Lexa hasn't move from the doorframe, which makes Clarke's other eyebrow twich. Clarke leans behind her on her hands, leaving her front more open, a silent invitation. She _is_ learning to communicate without a sound. Even if her mind sometimes doesn't want to shut up. Most of the time. She's learning.

Lexa moves into the room then and leaves the door open, her hand casualy set on the hilt of her sheathed dagger. She doesn't ware her long coat, just black boots, black pants and sleeveless black shirt. It is a strange vision to witness the Commander bare from war paint, armor, red sash and long sword. What strikes Clarke the most is her hair, free of braids. Long dark locks framing the soft face of a young woman. Of Lexa.

This woman is a mystery Clarke itches to explore.

Soft, beautiful, Lexa stands in the room in confortable silence, and Clarke doesn't want anything to shattered this peacefull moment. She smiles and lifts herself up from the bed, the distance between them suddenly too much. Lexa watches her, a small smile stretching on her full lips, and whispers.

'You waited for me'

Clarke's eyes flash at the memory, the forest, the rush, the fear. The incertainty. Her blood jumps but she forces herself to breath and stay focus on those green soft eyes.

'Sha'

She sees the spark her using of Trigedasleng ignits in Lexa. Clarke loweres her head and murmures 'It wasn't easy though, i hated not being with you'. She doesn't notice the tear falling from her own eye, then she senses calous fingers gently strocking her cheek, catching it, sliding to her chin and slowly lifting her head. Lexa's eyes are so full of life, so full of everything she tries to keep inside behind her strong exterior, that Clarke aches to set it free. All of it. All the longing, all the regret, all the pain and all the loneliness, but above all, all the love she can see radiating, reaching.

She doesn't notice when she leans toward those eyes she has drawn so many times in the last months, alone in her cave, struggling between despaire and hope. She doesn't notice moving forward. She justs needs to be closer, always closer, to feel her, all of her. It is such a strong pull, she doesn't want to resist it. She wants to drown in those perfect green eyes and never let go.

Her right hand finds Lexa's hip and hocks, fingers gripping, drawing closer. She licks her lips in anticipation and she knows, she knows it isn't that easy, they should talk, she should stop, clear her head and _think –_ but she doesn't want to, she wants to live in the moment, and fuck everything else. Nothing matters right now than _them_. Together.

Lexa doesn't move, her eyes never falter, but Clarke can see the yearning staring back at her. Lexa feels it too, this connexion, this need to be closer, so much closer.

Her nose brushes past Lexa's and she relishes in the warmth she senses off the Commander's gorgeous mouth she's about to taste again, after such a long time.

It is slow, almost reverent, the way their lips meet, the way Clarke breathes Lexa as if coming up for air. It feels like returning home when you didn't know you were missing it, when you didn't know you _had_ a home to miss. But she has, she feels it like a piece of puzzle finally coming into place, making her whole. The feeling is so strong it makes her moan.

She doesn't hold back, not anymore, she can't, because life on the Ground is so temporary she doesn't want to miss anymore of the only thing printed at the back of her mind, at the front of her heart.

'Lexa' she breathes like a prier on those delicious lips, capturing her mouth again. Her hand tighten her grasp at the waist while her other hand cups the strong neck, scratching dark hair at the base of the head, drawning closer, always closer.

She can feel how Lexa wants it, and how she tries to restrained herself, to hold back. Why, out of respect ? Out of fear ? Clarke doesn't know and she doesn't _care_. She doesn't want any of that, she doesn't want _restrain_. She wants closer. She pushes her body flush into the Commander's.

' _Lexa_ '

Her tone is demanding, and immediately she reattaches their mouths, carressing plump lip with her tongue, asking for entrance. She growls deep when her access is denied, and it is all it takes to send the Heda to the edge.

They launch into each other then. It becomes a battle of tongues, mouths crashing, hands gropping, bodies pressing. More, always closer. Lexa's hands are everywhere, sending hot waves of energy in Clarke's belly. They are feeding on each other's desire, releasing the longing they bottled up during all those months, setting it free in an explosion of _touch_. The room is filled with the song of their touch, clothes tearing, breath itching, voices groaning, blood pulsing. It is an addictive symphony.

After long minutes of intense kisses, Lexa half sitting on the table, Clarke standing in front of her, pushing in front of her, the rythm of their dance shifts to languorous caresses of flesh. The frantic movement of hands becomes tender stroke, as their kisses slow. Bodies still enterwined, their mouths withdraw with a reverent pace, until Clarke steals a last soft bite of Lexa's bottom lip, sucking before releasing. She wants it to be a promise of more to come, she hopes, because she really needs more of this kiss, more of Lexa. She feels like they have finally arrived to a crossroad where they can at last _be_.

And she desperately wants to be with Lexa.

Lips swollen, short breath, hair tangled, face relaxed, Lexa is perfect like this.

Clarke's brain doesn't work and she doesn't want it to, she wants to be in the moment for as long as they can, holding on to it like a life-line.

'Breath Klark' Lexa softly murmures, her forehead gently pressing onto hers.

'I...' Her voice is hoarse, her mind fuzzy, and she doesn't have words to express what she feels right now. She senses Lexa nodding against her.

'I know Klark'

She knows.

The thought of it is like pressing a button inside her chest, all the tension leaves her in a deep sign. Clarke's shoulders sag a little and she lets herself go. Sliding her hands behind the strong back of Heda, she brushes her nose against Lexa's in a tender gesture before burying her face into her neck and breathing in. The smell of _Lexa_ is so overwhelming, she might want to nest there forever.

She can tell the Commander is surprised by the intimate move, and she wonders how long it was since Lexa received the embrace of carring arms. Her eyes close shut when she thinks that maybe is was in the arms of Costia. Clarke realises then that she doesn't know much about Lexa. Does she have parents, siblings ? Someone to take care of her while she is taking care of _everyone_ ? Somehow she guesses that no, Lexa doesn't let anyone close enough to care for her. Suddenly a fierce determination stirs in Clarke, and she vows to cherish the woman as best as she can despite their fucking complicated circonstances on the freaking Ground. She vows to kiss and hold this woman again. And again.

Her arms squeeze harder as she nuzzles deeper in the dark locks. At that moment Lexa's arms find her shoulders, her chin pressing on her blond hair. And here they stay, away from the Ground, away from everything, just for a moment. Just for now.

In this dreamy moment Clarke thinks that maybe, maybe, they can create their own bubble were they can _be_. Together.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Slowly, almost regrelfully, their bubble starts to fade, leaving them exposed to the world yet again. The Ground is waiting. With a heavy sigh Clarke inhales the unique scent of Lexa, presses her lips against here throat in a final goobye. She can feel the 'hum' that fallow from Lexa's mouth, a sound of contentment so fragile, fleeting like a ray of sun between heavy clouds. But it is there, now, and it is for her, she knows, it is for them. In their shelter, just for a few heartbeat longer, Lexa is close and open.

There is a 'them' that is growing between she and her, giving birth to a union that is far from surprising. It has been long in the making, challenged and complicated. Even now, once Clarke'll open her eyes the reality of the Ground will be back, lashing and testing, always stretching the connexion she has - and always had from the start, with the Commander of the Twelve Clans.

Heda.

Lexa feels it too, the ending of their beautiful moment, and she doesn't fight it. Clarke supposes that she is used to it, to the glimps of reprieve before jumping back into more madness. A small break for air between storms, never bitter, never aching, but grateful for the small pause, no matter it's duration. Clarke knows Lexa is accepting of the now, leaving the past in the past, tomorrow for later. She lives in the now, cherishing every bit of it like it could desappear in an instant. That is the truth of the Ground.

Lincoln explained this to Clarke, during one of their many discussions. The way of the now. It has been a difficult concept to graps for her -mainly, as Lincoln has tease her, she couldn't keep her mind at ease, too busy thinking to be 'feeling the now' - , but in Lexa's arms she finally understands.

Lexa is not frustrated for their lack of time, she doesn't force for more, she goes with the flow, and Clarke thrives to do the same. She has learn a lot with Lincoln already, but she knows Lexa's wisdom is profond, an ocean. When their bodies move, their heads gently distangling, Clarke finds those beautiful green eyes once more, and in them, as she knew she would, she reads only peacefull satisfaction, _contentment_. It is such a overwhelming sight.

'You are beautiful.'

Hers words are low, her voice bends with fascination. Clarke's vision is a little bit blurry because of all she can feel, licking out of her like waves of tenderness, all for her. All for Lexa.

When she says it, Lexa's own eyes light up and her lips offer a bright smile, the first Clarke as ever seen, and she feels deeper into their connexion by it.

They are at the edge of their moment, they both feel it. Like Lexa, Clarke tries not to bear any resentment. With a smile of her own she shifts, her body becoming her own again, away from Lexa's, and it feels strange to be without her. It tingles. The warmth keeps traped between them for a while, as them limbs finish their goodbye. At last, Clarke's fingertips brush the Heda's cheek with a barely there whisper of touch, before withdrawing completely.

Taking a step back, Clarke clears her throat, letting her eyes wonder into the room. She hears Lexa straightening her clothing and can't help the smirk coming out. She turned the Commander of the Twelve Clans, the strong and controled Heda, into a little mess of hormonal teenager. _She_ did that, and she is so smug about it she might do a little dance and a high five to herself.

What ? She knows wisdom isn't built in a day. She forgives herself.

'So... Where are we exactly ?'

She bits her lip to keep from smiling, crossing her hands behind her back to not reach for Lexa and start an other bubble right there. But her eyes can't find the strengh to stay away, lured back to the gorgeous legs of the woman she just kissed a moment ago. A kiss the itches to give siblings to.

Okay, she has to keep busy. Diverting her obvious stare, she goes to the window.

'Is it a village of some sort ?'

She hears a clearing of throat but she doesn't turn.

'It is the village where i was born.'

Clarke's eyebrows rise at the information, and instead of speaking she just tilts he head to the side without leaving her spot. When she hears Lexa next, it is closer, she is standing maybe two feet behind her.

'We are in my mother's house. The house i grew up in. The house is once called home.'

'Don't you feel at home anymore ?'

'Not for a very long time. Not since i became Heda.'

Clarke shivers a little. There is a heavyness in Lexa's tone.

'I do not come here often.'

'Where is your home now ?'

When the silence stretches, Clarke thinks she will not have an answer. She is fine with that. She is learning how not to push. She realised that to nourrish your inner peace you have to fallow the flow of life, constantly moving, adapting, like a spontanious dance where you can never predict where your step will lead. You just have to trust in your instinct, knowing that when a door closes two others appear instantly.

Lexa has many layers, some of them are doors not ready to open. No yet. Someday she'll be back at those doors and it will be time, they'll allow access. When the time is right.

'I have no home' The Commander softly whispers in the quiet after the silence settled for several minutes.

It feels like a confession, a murmure of loneliness. Clarke swallows the lump in her throat and doesn't make a sound. There is nothing she can say to that. It is merely a statement of truth, a reality Heda had come to accept.

Clarke steps back until she reaches Lexa's form, she pushes her back gently into her front, letting her head lull on the Commander's left shoulder. After a bit Lexa's tentative hands find her hips, and Clarke put her palms flat on it before dragging them accross her waist into ther stomach. She doesn't remove her fingers from hers as they stay in a loose embrace.

Clarke closes her eyes, musing on Lexa's complexity and yet simplicity. She realises that maybe...

'Maybe your home is yourself. Everything else is just... equipment.' She voices her thought out loud, not quite understanding what she is saying herself.

There is a bit of silence again, and then she feels Lexa trembles, a low sound coming out of her mouth right above her ear, before... Like a bomb going off, Lexa bends to the side in an explosion of laughter. She is actually _laughing_ , hair flowing everywhere, eyes shut, mouth wide open showing white teeth. It is a perfect version of her, a new layer being discovered, and while Clarke should be offended by the fact that her quite philosophical thought feels like a joke to the Commander, all she can do is watch and commit this picture, _Lexa laughing_ , to memory.

It seems like the Commander stopped containing her enjoyement and just let it out in the safety of their room, and Clarke is gratefull for it. She is very aware of the gift that is. She is also very touch by the trust Lexa still gives her despite the mountain, despite the fact that they haven't seen each other since that night, when she turned her back on her people and left. When she might have made an enemy of the Sky people. Even while Clarke knows must had keep watch on her, they had not talk yet.

When she left, Clarke was a mess of hurt, angst, resentment and hate, now they are kissing and laughing, and in the absurdity of it all, it makes perfect sense.

It doesn't take much for Clarke to join the Commander, laughing at her own non-joke. She hears Lexa saying something in Trigedasleng between fits of laughter, but she doesn't understand.

'What ?'

Lexa's breath calm and she straighten a little, face more serious. She clears her throat and starts with a neutral voice. 'I said... I am like a TURTLE !' The shout awakes a new set of barks from the Heda's mouth, it is so spectacular the Clarke is relieved no-one else is witnessing, because the reputation of Heda would be forever changed.

After a while Lexa _finally_ calms, leaning on the only bare wall of the room, she closes her eyes and evens her breathing. Five heartbeat later she says

'Klarke'

And now the talk begins.

Clarke sighs and slowly sit on the bed where her gun still lay. Lexa's eyes are open again, watching her, and she can see how the mask of Heda is coming back on her face, making her expressionless. But Clarke has seen under it in the quiet of the room, and even somehow the mask doesn't block the view of Lexa retrieve behind it. Taking her cue, Clarke puts her own mask on, becoming once more the leader of her people. It is time to talk.

'Why are you here, Klarke ?'

She shifts on the bed, getting more confertable she crosses her legs indian style, putting the gun at the back of her jeans. Lexa crosses her arms on her chest, still leaning on the wall.

'Well, somebody wanted me to be.' she shrugs one shoulder, her voice volontarely board. 'Apparently i cannot retired without someone coming after me.'

'Someone ?'

'I don't hate you, Lexa. I never have, not even when i thought i did. I was mourning, a lot. I was lost and angry, but i passed. I lived alone for a while. Camp could fonction without me, my friends were free and the Council was always in charge anyway. I was just a temporary leader.' She shrugs again. 'So i left, i went to Linkon's cave and took the time to rebuild myself, starting by dementeling everything i've done since landing on the Ground, finish by the only question that kept hanting me.'

Clarke's faraway gaze prompts Lexa to question.

'What was it ?'

Clarke's eyes refocus on green eyes and says, voice strong.

'Who am i ? And more importantly how do i want to be ? I became the leader of a bunch because they were so reckless and i was the only on to know how life support was falling on the Ark, how important our survival was. I was raised by two Councils members, conditionned to take care of others, like loving them was not enough, i had to _take care_ of them. I didn't see it coming. One day we were all equals, lost and mest up, the next they had become my _responsability_ , like it was something expected from me. Because some stupid adults on a stupid Council found it would be a good idea to put the survival of our _entire_ people in the hands of rebellious teenagers who hated them. Oh, and of course never tell us the gravity of the situation.'

Clarke keeps on talking, Lexa listening, everything is still while the sun go down, bringing the night.

'So many of our people died on the Ark because of that. My friends's parents were among them. They didn't know, _that's why_ they take their bracelets off, and by the time i had told them it was too late, Bellamy manipulated them for his selfish means. I am amazed how selfish he was, all because he didn't want to face concequences for his own actions, take _responsability_. They were _all_ irresponsable, all doomed, all fucking stupid. So i became the mother of those children, i loved them, i took care of them, i contacted the Ark so my people wouldn't die, because it was the right thing to do, because i was _raised_ to take care ot people, to be responsable not only for myself, but for _others_.'

Clarke takes a breath, braces her elbows on the bed behind her, a bitter smile on her lips.

'They are on the Ground now, all of them, all that aren't dead anyway. My part is done. I don't care what the do, i am no one's mother, i am my own person, and if they can't be smart, grow a brain and a sense of self-responsability, then they can dig their own grave. '

Her face is neutral again, her stare fierce.

'I love my people but i also happen to love and _respect_ myself. And i don't want to _be_ what they shaped me to be, not when i am on the Ground where i can do _more_ , i can _be_ more. I can be whoever i want to be. It is _not_ on their terms.'

She pushes herself up again, sitting her back straight she raises a finger toward the roof.

'The question was : who am i ? Well, i am no one's property, not a daughter, a leader, a friend or even an ennemy. I don't define myself from others, not anymore. I am my own. You see, who i want to be is to be free, so that's what i did. For four months i looked at myself and chose what to keep and what to burn. Who i am is a misture of conditionning, both from my family and my people, but underneath lays my true self, dormant, waiting for awakening. That is who i am, who i want to be.'

She eyes the Commander in front of her.

'You know what i am talking about. Linkon told me meditation is a part of warrior's life, that without it the fighter is unbalanced, unable to listen to his instinct. Her tought me some breathing exercices and a way to center myself. That is when i feel like i reach for myself, growing closer.'

She tilts her head then.

'I was when i was going deeper in the trance that i realised something. Heda. Heda is your inner self isn't it ? Your tru self.'

After a moment Lexa gives a small nod. Ever patient, she waits for Clarke to continue her process. Because it is a process, she is telling Lexa who she is, and ultimately who she is not.

'I want to be at peace. I want to be joy, playfullness, exploration. Love. I don't want bitterness, anger, jalousie, revenge. Those are the things i want out of me. Everyday i focus to center myself, sorting out what to keep and what to throw away. Linkon told me to picture a fire, to send all the negative thoughts, emotions or old behaviour i don't want anymore, into the fire. A purification. I feels good to do that. In four months my meditation has become a necessity, a moment of peace when i grow onto myself.'

She chukles.

' It is quite a discovery. '

Lexa waits a little, and finally uncrossed her arms.

' You do not seek revenge ? Retribution ? '

She knows the Heda must be certain, there can be no misunderstanding.

'No, Lexa. I know what you did at Mont Weather was the right choice to make, even then i knew it but i was full on emotion and blinded by the Ground. You see, since landing i didn't have a _minute_ to breath, to relax, to enjoy. I didn't know what it meant to center one's self, to not be a slave of emotion, to be beyond that. I learnd very recently, and not thank's to my people but thank's to _yours_ , thank's to Linkon. So i was a mess back then, high on adrenaline, set on a mission, save my people. I was not my own person you see, i was theirs. My people's. I have accepted that, it is in the past. But now i am my own, and i can make pause, take a step back, center myself. I can make peace, Lexa, and it feels so good... I feel clean again.

She swallows.

'Your people were _dying_ at the mountain, Lexa, the mountain men were shooting everywhere, and the door wasn't opening fast enough. Yes, maybe we would have open the door and fallow the plan. Or maybe the door would have staid closed, we would have be forced to retreat, hundreds of your people dead of badly injured, hundreds more still in cages bleeding to death.'

She closes her eyes and murmures.

'You did what you had to do.'

She opens here eyes again, a small smile on her lips.

'I made my peace with it.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

'I am glad' Lexa says after a long silence. ' I enjoyed kissing you.'

The smirk on her lips shatters the Heda's mask, leaving Lexa standing. It is the first time Clarke sees that expression on this face, and she is once again gratefull for this new layer revealed. A _playfull_ Lexa. Who knew ? She finally moves from the wall to join Clarke on the bed, sitting next to each other. Clarke tilts her head toward the ceiling.

'I enjoyed it too.' She smirks then. 'A lot.' She chances a pick to the Commander and is rewarded by slightly blushing cheeks.

'Was i kissing the real you, Klarke ?'

Lexa's tone is so very rich with banter, a mock concern painting her voice, that Clarke is compelled to go for it. She nudges Lexa's side with her elbow. 'What do you think ?'

They stare at each other then, giggling and blushing, and it is all very lovely. Clarke realises that, since awaking in this room, there was no surviving going on, just living. Living in the now.

'So...' she says after they calm. 'What is this room ?'

'It is yours if you wish it to be. We are in my house.'

'Is that why you are dressed so … casually ?'

'Yes'

Ah, the Grounder's response. It makes her smile. She doesn't miss the invitation though.

'I can stay here then ? 'Cause, even if spring is settling the nights are frisky. I am _so_ glad i was cozy in a cave with plenty of dry wood and fire during winter. Lovely snow, by the way.'

She sends the compliment with a wink, as if the snowing was Lexa's doing. It earns her an other chukle. She loves to make Lexa laugh, it is her new favorit thing, for now anyway, on a Ground where everything moves constantly. Adapting.

'What brings you out of this cozy cave you seem to miss, Klarke ?'

Well, that is a two answers question.

'To be honest i'm gonna start by : i was thinking about you more and more. After my meditations for the past two weeks, i kept on... feeling you, i guess. It was like a pull, like it was time. I had analysed myself all winter long and i felt like i was reborn. There was this thrill inside me, pushing me to move, to go out, to explore and to thrive. Everytime i felt it i could sense your presence. It was very disturbing. I mean, i already made my peace with our past, but i never once before thought about meeting you again. It wasn't something i was planning on.'

She has started meditating about twelve weeks ago, and each time she had came to the conclusion that there was the voice of the mind, calculating, planning, rationnalising, and there was an other voice, underneath, quietly strong. She had told Linkon about it, and he had smile. An actual _smile_. He said he had been waiting for her to discover it by herself, then he explained what he could about this inner voice, the voice of the heart, instinct, intuition. Highlighting.

'Yet here you are.'

Lexa's tilt of the head and the obvious curiosity in her fascinating eyes urge her to talk.

'Right. Here i am. And like i said, i enjoyed kissing you. I intent to kiss you again, just so you know.' She stares at Lexa's lips. ' I like to be with you, Lexa. Right now, for me, being with you is a great way to live my first spring on Earth.'

Lexa fully smiles at that. Clarke wants to move forward, closer again...

'What made you decide to come ? Had did you know how to find me ?'

It is time for the second answer now.

Clarke wriggles on the bed, uncrosses her legs, stands and starts pacing on the floor. Immediately she realises her behavior and stops in her tracks, mind racing.

'Okay. Okay' she mutters for herself, eyes scanning all around. Her nerves itch, her blood pulses, but she needs to play it cool, to keep her composture. It is the only way.

'Okay'

Her eyes land on the bed. That's it.

'Klarke'

Her frantic movements make the Commander worry. Not good. No, no, no. Clarke erases the distance in three steps, blocking Lexa from getting up. With a small smile she reaches out, one hand on her cheek, the other sneaking on her neck, gently scratching the hair there. Her gaze is sure, envelopping, caring.

'It's okay' she says, leaning. Their lips brush, and she can sense Lexa's concern holds at bay, waiting. She will not have to wait long. Not for this, it is too important.

Clarke doesn't push, keeping their mouths brushing, a ghost of touch. 'Would you lay down with me ?' Lexa's concern increase. In response, Clarke presses their forheads. 'Beja ?'

It is so important, they cannot let the Ground wait any longer. Somehow Lexa senses it. It is not about their bubble, not this time. The vibe Clarke is sending is serious, so very serious, Lexa nods and they adjust to lay down. They take the time to take their boots off but their weapons stay on. The Heda's mask is back on her face but the concern remains in her eyes, waiting. Clarke goes first, back to the wall she makes place for Lexa to lay on her back beside her. Once Lexa settles, Clarke moulds her body flush at her right side, snuggling as much as she can. Her right leg is hocked on Lexa's right tigh, her left arm tucks under her head while her right is set accross the Commander's stomach. Last, Clarke burries her face in dark locks, brushing her nose to an earshell. She breaths once, twice. On the third breath she shuts her eyes, lips to the ear.

' We're being watch. ' She can feel Lexa's strong muscles stiff a little. Clarke brushes her thumb on the pouch of skin between shirt and belt, wordlessly asking her to relax.

' Five days ago, someone came to me. A man, i don't know from what tribe. He was alone, but i know they are many. He told me he came because i am Wanheda.'

She sighs. Lexa's arm move then. She dislodges her right arm from her side and places it behind Clarke's head, her hand encercling shoulder in a protective embrace.

'He said a lot of people fear my powers, and respect me. I am apparently a legend, the one who destroyed the Mountain. He seeked my fame, and, i guessed, my technology. The moment he told me of his plan i knew i had to play along of i'd be dead in a second. He wasn't about to let any witness live to tell. The stakes are too high.'

She swallows. She is here to deliver her message, to warn Lexa of the threat, and that's it. She doesn't have to get involved, she doesn't want to get involved and she knows Lexa would never ask her to. She'll stay somewhere safe, with trusted guards until the new war which is about to come is over. She can do that. Deliver the warning. That's it.

' They want me to murder you. '

Lexa doesn't flinch at this. Her only reaction is to bring her other hand on Clarke's hair and start gentle strokes. Well, that wasn't so hard.

'Who ?' Heda's voice is even, and Clarke realises that it mustn't be the first attempt the Commander's of the Twelve fricking clans is hearing of. The Grounder's history and politics must be so complicated... Or not. Maybe it was all war, war, and a little bit of war on the side. Freaking Grounders. Jus drein jus daun. Gha. With a mojo like this it wouldn't be surprising. Maybe it would stop when no one else is around to claim revenge. The last man standing. At least that's what is must had been, before the unification of the clans. Clarke can't even imagine the amount of will, brutal strengh and patience is must had required from Lexa. She remembers all too well the clans's meeting while they where planning the attack to Mont Weather, big barbarian muscles screaming at each other, incapable of … Wait a minute.

' Doesn't all Grounder's warriors practice meditation ?'

She knows her question must appears out of topic, and it probably is. Lexa rolls with it.

' No. There are warriors who prefer brutality, hatred, torture. They enjoy fighting, hurting, killing. They are sadistic and they are very proud of it. Those cannot practice meditation, it is beyond their reach. They are committed to darkness and chaos, not enlightment. As Heda i try to keep a watchfull eye on them, and i try to decide who becomes general, clan leader. I chose those who appear to have some mastering over their own self, but there are times when i cannot choose myself because of the traditions of each clan. The unifiation is young, it is very difficult for me to interfere in clan's inner system without it generating drama. It is a slow process.'

'So how do you keep them in lign ?'

'Fear. Respect. Abundance. Those a the keys that i remind very frequently to them. One day it will be camaraderie. Not today.'

'What do you mean ?'

'Heda is a vicious strategist, a skilled warrior with an ancient spirit giving her powers beyond those of humankind. She crushes her enemies. There are many legends about me, Klarke, about my battles, both on the field and on the war meeting. I have kill plenty. I have punish every single one person who dared talk to me or _about_ me with the slightest of disrespect, sometimes cutting tong or removing eyes. I have defeat many men and women who dared challenge my autority in single battle in front of all their clan. Some were quick, showing my undeniable superiority and speed, some were drawn out, each cut, each bruise upon their body put on display for _anyone_ who thought about defying me next. Not one of them has ever lend a mark on me, because Heda it untouchable. Those were the necessities, and still are, to _remind_ them. And last, there is abundance. Since the union of clans trade flourishes. It is good for each people, they grow healthy and they are starting to comprehend the feeling that is peace. When you do not have to be worried all the time, when you can truly relax. They are learning, Klarke, but it takes time.'

'And reminder.'

'Sha. And reminder.'

'You do that with all of the clans ?'

'Only those i know the least. Trikru is my people, Indra is their general, their leader. I know all of them since childhood. Floukru was Costia's people, i know them very well also. Sankru are nomads, they leave in the desert, they are few and respecfull. They seek peace and stay away from politics. Farkru is neighbour to Trikru, our people have strong friendship. For those clans, there is a camaraderie established which do not requieres fear. But even for them a reminder is to be done, a softer one. Each spring and each fall i ride with choseen warriors and visits each of the clans. On summer they all come to me for meetings of festivals, it does not matter the subject as long as they come.'

'And they are reminded.' Clarke finishes. She feels Lexa smiling. When she doesn't say more she takes that as her cue to go back to the topic. With a brush of her nose, the inhale Lexa' scent before lanching.

'So. The man who came to me is named Lohan. That's what he told me anyway. I don't know of what clan. Do you know all the clans ? There must be other clans, from other lands, other continents even.'

'What clothing was he wearing ?'

Lexa is way more centered than Clarke, she is like a jedi master where Clarke is a little padawan. Jake loved to watch those movies from old Earth. She imagines Lexa with a lightsaber on her hand, the picture is disturbing, and yet endearing. She wonders what would be the color of her saber. Red perhaps ? To go with the sash.

Focus, Clarke.

Okay, so, she doesn't master her mind yet.

'He didn't have a mask, nor war paint. He was wearing some fabric pants, dark green, a leather belt with a lot of pounches on it. Huh... A whip was on it also, with a dagger, the length of my forearm. There was some red stone on the hilt of the blade, which didn't have sheath, it was on a leather lop on the belt. His shirt was simple fabric too, long sleeves, dark, a brun almost black, old. All of his stuff seemed old, but well taken care of. Oh, what surprised me were his shoes. It was like little cute things, in thin leather, more like a second skin than a heavy boot. I think the sole of it was made of woven dry herbs, maybe ? Sewed to the leather skin, which didn't go high. The shoe stopped before the ankle, when he had a bracelet. Each ankle had it's own, the same, with a pendant on it. He had a lot of jewellery, all very colorfull. On his ankles, wrists, neck, his hair – which was short, uneven, and didn't have any braids – even on his belt. I wonder why is that, he didn't strike me as a beauty contest kind of guy.'

'They are talisman. I am guessing he didn't have any mark on his skin ? Tattoos os scaring ?'

'Mmm, not that i've seen.'

'What did he look like ?'

'Well... No beard, brown eyes, high cheekbones... I could show you if you'd prefer. Give me a pen, or choreal of something and i'll draw him to you.'

The night is setting, the village becomes quiet, and even if Clarke woke up only hours ago, she is tired. The warmth radiating from Lexa feels like a lullaby.

'I will'

She nuzzles deeper into the Commander, content. She has delivered her warning, she trusts Lexa to know what to do next. She clearly is used to that type of situation. That is a sad observation, but they live on the Ground, they adapt. And for now they can cherish the peacefull moment. There is no one trying to kill them _right now_. If Lexa stays relax, they must be safe for now. She lets a pleased 'humf' sound when she feels the Commander's lips press on her forehead. A tender gesture. The Heda's mask is going off, piece by piece. Soon they will be back to their little bubble, she hopes so. But first...

'What happened in the forest ?' she mumbles, suddenly unable to speak clearly, soothed by all _Lexa_. Her companion snorts at her, amused by Clarke incapacitated state.

Well well well, hi there playful Lexa. Come on in and join tender Lexa into the mix. You are both absolutly welcome. Delightfully so.

Clarke pinches her hip and nabs at Lexa's left side, making her chuckle a little. Is she ticklish ? It is quite tempting, but now is not the time to jump all around. Clarke wants to sink into their embrace.

'Tell me' she nabs again.

'Sha. There wasn't any threat, it was only training.'

At that Clarke rises on her elbow, hovers over the Commander, eyebrows high, mouth opened.

'Seriously ?!'

Lexa tilts her head to the side, frowns a little. 'I am being serious Klarke.'

'It was all _training_? There was no real trouble ?'

She couldn't believe it, it all felt so fucking real at the time.

'It was practise for young warriors of the village. They are learning tactics, fallowing orders, moving without making sound. Team work.'

'And you were the prey ?'

'Sha'

'I can't believe you' she shoves Lexa in the chest. 'I was scared back there Lexa. Fucking _scared_. Everything felt so real. Your face...' She remembers the conflict on Lexa's face, she didn't imagine that. Right now Clarke doesn't know if she is more relieved there actually _isn't_ any trouble to worry about, of annoyed for her freaking adrenaline rush. She could totally live without those. _Practise_. Like there isn't enough _real_ situations already. But she supposes you can't just throw a child into battle, cross your fingers and hope for the best. Gha. Fucking Ground.

'It is serious training. We behave like in the heat of real danger. I did what i had to do to make this exercice as close to reality as it can be. This is no game.'

'But then, why did you look like... When you told me to stay, to wait...'

'I couldn't risk you. Even in training accident happens. Your presence was not planned and while my warriors are used to battle where they know everything can change and new enemies or allies can arrive, those children hasn't learn that lesson yet. They are not trained to adapt yet. I couldn't risk you.'

Clarke's gaze scans Lexa's green genuine eyes once more. She narrows her eyes, fists the black shirt with her hand still on the Commander's chest.

'Humpf' she growls in final acceptance, shaking her head.

Lexa gives her a small smile then, and in an instant they are fully back in their bubble. The wave of tenderness rushing inside her ribs makes Clarke forget to breath, forget what they were talking about, her brain frozing. Her hand moves, cupping a cheek. She is leaning like a magnet now, unwilling to do otherwise, gladly submitting, and Lexas' lips open, waiting for her. Her upper body molds against Lexa's front, clothed breasts pressing, belly to hip. Her leg slips fully between Lexa's and finally their mouths meet again with a content sigh.

There is the reverence again, the quiet release of sacred prier. Clarke is grateful to _be_ , with Lexa. It is a treasure to acknowledge and cherish. They are sharing, in that moment, they are giving, always giving, never taking. Clarke gives with the waves she feels rushing out of her from deep inside, and she feels Lexa doing the same. But unlike Clarke, Lexa had build a maze around her heart, and the waves need a little more time to find the way to the surface. So Clarke waits, slow, tender. They let their kiss grow as the waves arrive, from Heda's hidding place to the light. It is a precious treasure coming out of it's forgotten state, Lexa's ability to love.

They are not naming it, their love, there is no need to it. They know. They feel so much, so deep, there si no in-between. This is absolute, there is not half-giving. In their kiss, in their touch, in their little whimpers of satisfaction, they commit. They vow. Their hearts seek merger, and they both know it. In their bubble away from the Ground, they can allow it, all of it. Without restrain, without _thinking_. They can be.

Their tongues caress as the rhythm increase, Lexa opens herself more. Her hands surge onto Clarke's back, moving like an ocean's coming storm, movements more and more daring. When Clarke's body presses closer she releases a deep moan and it is as if this sound pushes them to an other level where touch must be more. It _has_ to be more.

Clarke's hands fists in dark lock, white teeth bitting lower lip. Her core seeks friction as she starts to rock on Lexa's hip. Lexa's hand flies to her bottom, gripping strong fingers, pushing her closer, always closer. Clarke's tigh finds the apex of Lexa's, and the growls the Commander delivers is so fucking sexy she has to press for more. Lexa's hips start moving.

' _Leksa_ '

Clarke's voice is deep, full of promise, and Lexa rolls them on the bed. They don't stop their kissing as Clarke lends on her back. Lexa's hand travels south, sneaking fingers to skin, pushing her palm fully to Clarke's belly, earning herself an other moan of pleasure. Their bodies are ready for more, their hearts scream for more. Lexa's hand caresses smooth skin under the shirt, exploring, mapping. Clarke shivers at the feel of callous, warm fingers searching her. She wriggles a little and Lexa takes the hint, gliding the fabric up, pass blond hair and down to the floor. They don't pause, lips crushing again, cores dancing in synch. Clarke's hands are busy too, already scratching bare skin on the Commander's back, under the shirt, making Lexa hiss and arch into her. Closer.

Captivated by the frantic music of their breathing and blood pulsing, desire thriving, Clarke is wild, matching Lexa's fire. Lexa's feelings are out of the maze, mixing with hers in perfect union. Their love making makes so much sense, like it is meant to be from the beginning - when Clarke stepped in the Commander's tent all those months ago - that she doesn't comprehend why their rhythm slows. Lexa is changing the pace, and while Clarke woulnd't mind taking their time, infusing more tenderness and languorous carress, trailing her gaze on her lover's gorgeous body, she feels it isn't so. Their bubble is achingly fading, fast, and she can taste the Ground demanding attention.

Not for the first time she rumbles to herself. Fucking Ground.

Clarke hears is then, as Lexa withdraws, the bell. Someone, somewhere, is clinging a freaking bell and it is clearly a call the Commander has to answer to. Clarke's brain is still a little fussy, but even then she knows that, while she herself isn't anyone's leader anymore – _thank_ you very much- Lexa is. A very needed one at that.

With a last sweet kiss of swollen lips, Lexa puts a little space between their heads, hovering above Clarke, their bodies still flush. Their eyes meet in an exchange of loving, carefree smiles, signature on their silent vows, as their bubble finishes to disappear.

The bell keeps on rigging outside.

Their break is over for now.

A/N

I apologise, i didn't read my work before editing the previous chapter yesterday. I realised i can't edit my posts afterward. I'll try to scan for mistakes better, promise !

Here are the few Trigedasleng words i used so far :

Sha – yes

Beja – please

Ste yuj – stay strong

jus drein jus daun – blood must have blood


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lexa is up, already heading to the door, which, Clarke realises then, is still open. She hopes nobody else lives in the house because they were about to make quite a show earlier... Before her mind can go back to their delicious metting on the very same bed where she is currently fishing for her shirt, Lexa stops at the threshold and says.

'Come Klarke'

Time to move apparently. Putting her boots on and checking her gun still tucked at the back of her jeans, she grabs her jackets to fallow. The Commander is in the corridor and Clarke hurries to keep up.

'What's going on ?'

She is not worried, seing how Lexa is radiating a casual vibe. She had learn to read the Commander while at war at Mount Weather, guessing by her demeanor if she was more or less pist off, worried, annoyed, tired or even bored. Those were the only set of emotions back then. Except for she softness she had detected in their last day, the day when everything went too fast – preventing Octavia's murder, gaining Lexa's trust, discovering her soft side and her shy lips, to a final betrayal in the heat of battle, all in one day. Clarke didn't have the time to familiarize herselft with Lexa's softer side then. Until now.

This woman bear so many layers.

'I must prepare for the ceremony'

They enter the room next to Clarke's. Not much biger as the other, the walls are as bare, the only furniture being a bed, three chests looking like those in Lexa's tent back at Camp Jaha camp – they are probably the same, carrying her stuff from clan to clan -, a table and a chair, same as Clarke's bedroom. She is surprised to see the total lack of decoration her, in a house which was Lexa's childhood home. It is like this house is empty, more than that, it feels like there is _nothing_ in it.

'Where are your mother's things ?' she muses out loud. Lexa stops her action -she was already digging in the chest at the foot of her larger bed. She pauses just a moment before resuming her search. Clarke doesn't expect a response and goes to the bed. She sees furs that she guesses were amoung Lexa's belongings in the chest. The Commander's bed. She recalls that night, all those months ago, when she was leading on a Mountain map in the Commander's tent, restless and frustrated while the Commander was laying on her furs behind her. The tension of war was so palpable, there was no room for anything else, not then. Clarke brushes her fingertips along the blankets, animal's furs sewed together to keep warm while Heda allows herself to rest in a short vulnerable state.

'I burned most of it. Gave away the rest.'

Lexa's voice is sharp, and Clarke knows not to go further in that line of discussion.

'What ceremony ?' she promps instead.

'The young warriors from training today. Some of them are coming of age to become warriors's seconds.'

'Like you were Anya's second ?'

There is a silence then, broken by Lexa's murmur 'Sha'. The nostalgia is strong in the room, both immerged in their memories.

'She attacked me with a handfull of mud.' At Lexa's lifting eyebrow she explains. 'When we escaped Mount Weather. She told me i stinked, basically, that _i_ was the reason the mountain men kept finding us, hunting us. As it turned out, _she_ was the reason they were able to track us. She had a device placed under her skin, telling them our position.' She snorts. 'The woman ripped her forearm with her bare teeths, no anesthesia, no _cleaning_ of the wound either. She just didn't care. She was a force to be reckoned. ' She shakes her head. 'Beautiful, wild Anya. I would have love to make friend with her.'

Lexa's snicker draws her attention. The Heda is finishing clipping her upper armor, her legs protection already laced in place.

'She wouldn't have made the task easy for you.'

Clarke grins at the challenge. 'Yeah, she called me branwoda, i think.' Lexa looks at her with a laugh.

'She called me that too, in the beginning.'

Anya would have been a good friend to have.

Finally Lexa retrieves a pouch in the smaller chest. She sets it on the table sits before it. There ar a few beads, a pot and a thin brush in it. Clarke recognizes the items as Lexa starts to braid her hair. Fascinated by the process of Lexa becoming Heda with all her splendor, Clarke choses a place in the bed, eyes never leaving Lexa. The room settles in a confortable quiet, both content to be together for a while longer. With minutious gestures, the Commander weaves her locks with practised ease, leaving her face exposed, ready for paint. She opens the pot. Each strock of brush is as relaxed and centered as the braids she just made, and Clarke realises that this moment, the moment when Lexa prepares herself like this, is a quiet ceremonial. She can feel the meditation state vibrating from Heda, channeling her inner self, gathering energy to move armies, to bend wills, to crush obstacles. She is Heda, she always is, even in her sleep or when alone like they were in Clarke's room earlier. Lexa and Heda are the same, there is no difference, not two personalities but one. She is Heda in the quiet and the peaceful, but at times when she is to adress her people, those are times when Heda needs to put on a show. Her power radiating from her incresase as she nears the end of preparation. Red sash already floating from her right shoulder pad, the last item is sticked on her forehead between her eyebrows, a little wheel symbol -Clarke will have to ask about it one day.

Then it is done.

Clarke scans her own outfit and shruggles. She doesn't need to impress anyone anymore, the war is over, she is no leader, just a stranger coming to town. No big deal. Straightening her head up she meets the Commander's gaze.

'You will eat before we go. Thanks to the river snake, your need for a bath can wait.'

Lexa's face stays entirely neutral, her voice expressionless, but her eyes give her away. Clarke can clearly see the mirth shinning through.

'Ha ha. Feed me already, i'm starving.' It is true, she hasn't really ate anything beside berries and dry meat for four days now. Also, her little adventure in the river plus her passing out thenmaking out with a certain _someone_ burned a lot of energy. She pushes herself up from the bed, eyeing the choreal.

'Want me to draw you what we talked about ?'

'It can wait. Come.'

And they are heading out of the room. The corridor is not much of a corridor but a connecting zone like an airlock would be on the Ark, delivering to three rooms. Lexa's, Clarke's – Clarke each used to be Lexa's mother and Lexa's – and what looks like a commom room with a fire burning, cooking utensils around the hearth, carpet on the floor close to it, full of inviting cushions. In the far left she can see a big barrel cut in the middle, laying on it's side. A _bathtub_. Clarke believes then that maybe her inner voice told her to come to Lexa for it. A warm bath. She corrects herself : a _warm_ bath. This would be her very first one _ever_. Back on the Ark water was like oxygen, precious nectar meticulously rationed. There was just enough to put on a bow to wash yourself up with a spong. No lazy bathing included. She can feel her skin beging for this fantasy.

'Klarke'

She actually jumps at the interruption. Swallowing, she casts one last look in her mourning – her bath would be for _later_ , and she hopes very very much her wish will come true – and finds Lexa's amused eyes on her. Well she is no master in faceless expression, not that she tries to be. That is one of the things she decided to keep during her winter sorting, she wants to keep feeling, thriving in the various way she can express it, by painting, singing, laughing, crying or otherwise. _Expressing_.

'Come. Eat.'

While Clarke was daydreaming of hot water, the Commander has kept busy, apparently. A little terracotta pot is resting on a stone at the edge of the flames, smoke coming off of it. She advances when Lexa holds out a wooden spoon. She takes it.

'Here'

She sits on a cushion near the bow, her hand receiving the pot. She inhales the herbs and vegetables's aroma, her stomach screaming it's encouragement. Like a little kid, all that matters right now is this new shiny toy in her hands. It didn't stay on the fire long enough to burn her tongue, so she diggs in immediately. She groans her appreciation as her body relaxes. She hears a soft chuckle above her. Lexa is still standing.

'When you are done eating, come join us to the center of the village. It is where you will hear the drums.'

Clarke's curiosity picks up. Music. Dance.

'I will be busy for a few hours. You can stay here or join the villagers, watch the ceremony if you'd like. I know how our ways intrigue you. I will let a guard at the door to accompany you. Someone you know. Ryder.'

'He is your personal guard.'

'Sha, but we are in Trikru territory, my clan, one of the places i do not need a full representation.'

'You mean those guards are just for show ?'

'Not only. But i do not need anyone to defend myself would danger arise. They are mostly there to dissuade foolish attacks from happening. They are intimidation. There only was one time when i was glad my guards were with me on a fight.' Seing Clarke expecting expression, she smiles. ' A large group of enemies ambushed me while i was out at a lake, taking a moment for myself. I killed most of them but not all, my guards took care of the rest. They are efficient when i face too much.'

'How much ? How much warriors is too much for you to win a fight against ?'

'I do not know, it depends on a lot of elements, their skills, the weather, the field, the light, their weaponery... If there are archers it is more difficult to overcome.'

'Give me a number anyway, so i get an idea.'

'I would say i can face about thirty attackers.'

'Whoa' That is very impressive, and a little hard to believe. Lexa doesn't look that strong.

'You forget that i am Heda.'

'So ? You are the Commander of the Clans, isn't that what Heda means ? A tittle of some sort ?'

'No, it is not a tittle for politics. I was born Heda. Heda is the name all my people gives to an ancient spirit, the spirit of an fierced warrior, a Hand of Justice, a legend from Antiquity. Heda is a warrior and a messager, in the service of Athena. Many propheties were written about my arrival on the human plan. It is said i am a blessing from the Gods.'

'What do you mean ? Like Greek gods ?'

'Sha.'

'A worrior sends from the gods... Like... Hercules for exemple ?'

Lexa nods once, starting to the door. 'You are making me talk too much Klark. The drums you can hear are telling a story, their rhythm are coming to an end. That is when Sylvia will be greeting the new seconds. She is the chief in charge of this village. Since i am here i will perform the ritual. It is a sacred honor to receive the blessing of Heda, the blessing of Gods. I must go.'

Lexa's voice is firm, resonating of the absolute force that Clarke becomes once again fascinated by her. It is an enormous power, to ignit such powerful devotion in one's heart.

'Sha, Heda. I'll join you later.'

After one last nod, the door shuts. Clarke is alone and her head is spinning with the latter information she received. Like a hammer on the head. Hercules was a myth about a man half-human, half-god. Lexa, very casualy, just compared herself to him. Very seriously.

'Thirty men...'

She realises she's never actually seen Lexa fight. She witnessed the respect of her people, willing to die by her command in a heartbeat. She must be wonderful in action, for her to unleash such a devotion. Yes, some clans are probably still reluctant to her leadership, needing remaindings, but Clarke has seen the way the Grounders chant, like now. She can hear the villagers chanting with the beat of the drums.

'Heda, Heda, Heda, Heda...'

It is a prier, a calling for their god. She understands better now, the way they look at Lexa. They don't see her as a warrior or a clan leader amoung others, they see her as a messager from Heaven, sent to them with super-powers and a mission. A goddess descended on the Ground.

Well, that is a little too much of a stretch there. Clarke just started on believing in after-life, introducing herself slowly to meditation, discovering this inner voice thing. Her rationnal and still very scientifical mind can't digest the idea of a real goddess.

Oh, pardon, _half_ -goddess, that makes it all better all right.

The drums and the chants outside stop. It must be time for the ceremony. With hurried swallowing she finishes her soup, dries her mouth on her sleeve and takes off. She barely opens the front door when she almost bumps into someone. Surprised, she narrows her vision in the dark. Ryder. Right, she forgot about him.

'Hi'

She already knows he's not going to respond. He stares at her before steping aside. The drums start anew, slower, quieter. She has to hurry is she wants to see. Closing the door behind her, she briefly wonders about a lock, before shruggling. There was no more locks on their tents anyway.

Turning into the softly glowing light of torchs spread along the way, she does as Lexa told her. She fallows the sound.

TBC

A/N

I apologise for any spelling/writting mistakes.

I still don't know where i'm going with this story, it kind of writes itself !


	6. Chapter 6

A/N

Mochof – thank you

Sha -yes

Wanheda – commander of death

_XOXOXOXOXOX_

Chapter 6

There are a lot a people gathering at the ceremony. Almost as much as the Ark's total of people remaining at Camp Jaha. All in one village, of one clan of the coalition of twelve. Clarke realises then how ridiculous her own people must seem to the Grounders. If it weren't for their technology and guns they would have been wiped out the moment they crashed down on Earth. She feels oddly detached about it. It is a strange sensation, to _not_ worry about her people, to not care, not really. She was so used to being in charged, to be involved, mostly because of loyalty, but now, after the cave, she just doesn't feel the same. She is not indifferent, she is... detached. She cares, but at the same time she doesn't care. Like watching other people's life through a glass, out of reach, out of emotion. She understands now that she doesn't have to be all over the place, taking charge, fighting other people's battles, carrying everyone on her back. She doesn't _have_ to. Octavia doesn't have to, Jacob nobody from the farming section doesn't have to. It is a choice that one's make, and she doesn't. She doesn't want to be _emotional_ , she wants to be at peace. With her detachment she can take a step back, and see. There are no 'my people', 'your people', there are people, the human kind. Her people are only her people because she was stuck with them in space her whole life. Now they are on the Groun, there are more options. She can chose to be peopleless if she wants, she can be free, a loner, be her _own_ people. Or _everyone_ can be her people, all human kind, there is no limitation.

Clarke is so lost in her mind she doesn't notice the many eyes looking at her. She must be the first Sky person they encounter, but that is the point, isn't it ? She _isn't_ a Sky person anymore. She is her own. For now it is enough.

She really hopes she'll never have this conversation with her mother.

Abby came to visit a lot at first. Everytime, as the months past she stayed a little less. First she'd tried to convince Clarke to come back to the Ark with her, arguing about safety, family, logic. Then she tried the guilt cards - plurial. She cried about missing her child, worrying that she can't protect her _only_ daugther, the only family she had left. Then she mentioned how Clarke could be a needed doctor helping people at camp. How people's health was instable, how they had trouble getting food, getting warm as the winter was coming... And on and on and on. Clarke listened at first, frowning, feeling her reflexes to jump in to help. But then, the day after Abby's first visit, Lincoln came. That is when everything changed. Everyday for a week she'd practise meditation with him, eat in silence with him. He slepped in the shadow in the trees while she was in the cave. Not once he suggested her to move out so he could have his place back. Octavia had joined him shortly after that, staying away from Clarke at first. Then she also came to meditate. As the weeks had turned to months - and Octavia and Lincoln came and went between the cave and the camp - anger, resentment, bitterness, shame, guilt, regret, all of the heavy unhealthy emotions which were festering inside the three of them had slowly fade away. They healed, and as they healed they became someone else, someone better, their better self.

It was not an easy thing for Abby to appreciate. At all. But what could she do about it ? Lock Clarke in a cell. She probably thought about it, a lot. At the end of the third month she just gave up trying, and Clarke was so grateful for it she would have hugged her, if she wasn't sure Abby would take it as a encouragement to start a new campain of 'come back home Clarke'. From that moment on Clarke had stated three rules : no talking about the camp's politics, no talking about family, and only one visit per month. Those rules were the same for anyone coming to visit her, except for Lincoln and Octavia, or whoever whished to join her on her meditation trip.

 _'Those who wish to become Trikru warriors come forward.'_

Clarke is jolt out of her thoughts by the shout she hears in Trigedasleng. It is a strong woman's voice from somewhere ahead. Trying to focus, she swims her way between bodies and finally come close enough to see. Lexa is standing alone in the middle of a large cercle delimited by torchs, hand on the hilt of her sword, head high, eyes fierce. She is Heda in all of her glory, the intouchable goddess. And she waits. Clarke guesses that the very tall woman standing at the edge of the cercle is the one who shouted, and it is a calling, she realises, when the crowd starts moving. Five, six young girls and boys push their way to the surface of the assembly, steeping into the light of flames. Heda waits. They each step forward from different points of the cercle, bow their head to the tall woman, then focus their attention on Heda.

 _'Come'_

Clarke is striked by the sheer force of the call, Heda's call. It feels like hypnosis, a command no one would ever think to question. The teens start moving in sink, approching the center of the large cercle, approching Heda. They stop in line three steps from her and together fall to their knees, head down facing the ground. For a moment everything is still in the silence. Then Heda moves. She is flowing like water, a wave crashing toward the boy at the far left of the scene. With the grace of a panter she stands before him, right arm extended, hand laying on the boy's head. A blessing. They stay in this position, unmoving, for three long breaths, before Heda removes her hand, places it in front of the boy's bowed face, palm up. Slowly the hand moves toward the stars, and as compelled by the gesture, so does the boy. In a fluid motion his head comes straight again as he rises on his feet. From this moment his eyes meet Heda's and never sway. They stare at each other for a new period of time, and Clarke starts counting again.

If she hadn't spend all of her days for the past four months meditating one to six hour a day in the cave, Clarke would have thought this was a staring countest. But she is a little bit familiar with energy now, feeling it radiating from herself, from plants, trees, rocks. And other persons. She is no master, she needs to focus hard and even then barely feels anything, but she still has a glimps of understanding of what is going on in front of her eyes. Heda is challenging this young man's energy with her own, and slowly increasing her aura. The boy fallows the Heda's lead and develop his energy as well. It is like walking on stairs, step by step the energy amplifies. They keep on going higher and Clarke counts twelve long breaths when the boy finally reaches his limit, bowing his head again. It is not a gesture of defeat, but a recognition of Heda's greatness. Heda places her right hand on the boy's left shoulder and it is a signal for him to relax and put his head back up. Immediately the crowd starts chanting.

'Argos, Argos, Argos'

They say the boy's name three times, voices painted with pride and encouragement. It is his award, the cry of the village, an acknowledgement of his new status amoung them. He is entering a new stage of his life.

As the chant dies, the boy stays still, and Heda flows toward the next.

One of the girls draws Clarke's attention. When Heda comes to her she doesn't falter, naturaly centered and at ease, she bows with deep respect and devotion, opens herself completely at the Heda's gaze, and breaths in. She actually breaths Heda's energy inside of herself, not challenging, not fallowing, but nourrishing her own energy with the one offered by her goddess. It makes all the difference. Her face is serene, almost at bliss, their is a hint of a smile at her lips. She is swimming in Heda's aura and it is fascinating. Heda's lips curls a little as well, making this moment that much prescious. It is nearly twenty-three breaths when Heda increases the pace. There are no more step by step, she is jumping large sets of steps in an ever growing stairs. She doesn't slow for the girl, and the girl keeps up. Clarke can see her chest moving faster, her lungs stirring with the effort, and still Heda pushes up the speed. It is an overwhelming sight and Clarke forgets to breath herself. It is when Heda's stoic face breaks, giving birth to a full on smile that sparkles in her eyes that the girl releases a heavy sigh and bows her head with a smile. For an instant, they radiate happyness. Then slowly the expressionless mask of Heda comes back on, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. When their eyes meet again, there is pride in Heda's eyes, and something else. Clarke had seen it plenty of times in Jasper, Monty or Raven's eyes, it is the look of inspiration.

'Ikya, Ikya, Ikya'

The girl's name reverberates into the night, and Heda moves to the next.

_XOXOXOXOXOX_

People are dancing in and outside the cercle now, all around to the beat of the drums. There are wind instruments as well, and some villagers are chanting along. Each line of sound mixes with the other in an intricate rhythm, Clarke feels her heart beating in sink with it. The Trikru move without purpose, bodies swaying, feet hammering the ground, hair flowing. Free. Clarke is so immerged in the beat she doesn't realise she is dancing too. She closes her eyes, lets the music flow, and lets go. Her body moves, her mind is clear and she feels. It is a primal instinct, wild and free. She loves it.

The drums never stop, there is always someone to take over while at least one drum keeps the beat going. It is a meditation, a transcendental state.

She doesn't know how long she has been dancing when she feels it. Lexa. She feels her gaze on her, her eyes a burning caress, and she doesn't stop. She dances for her, with her. Her hands glid on her side, her hair, reaching in the air above, she is fire, she is flame, she is water, she is wave. She is the thunder and the storm, the intensity of the Ground where everything is highten. She feels it all. She dances it all. All with Lexa. The connexion between them grows stronger as Clarke dances the Earth, and she feels Lexa coming closer. She knows when she reaches her without opening her eyes. When hands find her waist from behind she knows it's her. She interwines their hands and pushes her back into Lexa's front, never stopping, moving with the beat, drawing their join hands to her lawer belly and stomach. She tilts her head back, opens her eyes, stares at the stars. She smells Lexa's scent and untangled her right hand to reach out. She cups Lexa's neck to draw her closer. Lexa's face in tucked against her cheek when she hears.

'Klark'

It is primal, a deep groan emited by Lexa's gorgeous throat, sending shivers all along Clarke's spine. She pushes her ass to her core in response, provoking an other guttural growl as Lexa burries her face in Clarke's neck. Lust runs in their veins as they keep griding, gripping, moving. They are dancing their desire. Clarke doesn't see other's reaction to Heda's behavior, she doesn't know if it is appropriate, she doesn't _care_. She only sees Earth, and Lexa, only feels Earth, and Lexa. They are in their bubble again and nothing else matters.

The chanting stops then, leaving only a drum to keep the music flowing. The variation is a transition between crashing waves of sounds, a pause before an other round of wild rhythm starts anew, and it is all Lexa needs to nudge Clarke's ear with the tip of her nose.

'Come Klark. Sylvia wants to meet with you.'

She doesn't refrain her grumble at the interruption, but she indulges when Lexa slips her fingers between hers and squeezes. The sweet gesture in a public setting is not lost on her, even for only a moment. With a light kiss of her neck Lexa steps back and releases her hand, leaving them not touching. It is a confusing sensation, to be alone again. Clarke lost her balance for a moment before she adapts. Always adapting. It is with that thought that she finds the tall woman's gaze already pinned on her.

Heda is easely leading her between moving bodies glistening with sweat and by the time the reach the woman her expressionless mask is firmly in place. Clarke stops next to her, facing the chief of the village.

'Sylvia' Heda acknowledges.

'Heda' Sylvia bows her head with a soft smile. She is wearing a simple brown dress, her long dark hair hold in on braid running on her back. She seems Abby's age, open and wise – a term Clarke wouldn't use to described her stiff mother. There is a fluidity about Sylvia that pleases Clarke instantly. ' I am pleased to meet you, Klark kon Skaikru. '

'No' Clarke says immediately, hand moving in a stopping gesture. Sylvia's eyebrow rises ans she can feel Heda's stare at the side of her face. 'Just Klark. I have no kru for now.'

'No kru ?' The chief's confused eyes turn to Heda for a brief moment before coming back on Clarke. 'Are you a loner then, Klark ?'

'What if i am ?' Clarke's voice grows strong, challenging almost. She may be sorting out a lot of things about herself, her whole existence in fact, but it doesn't make her weak or fragile.

Before answering Sylvia's gaze lands on Clarke's chest. She visibly swallows and meets blue eyes again.

'You are welcome in my village no matter the kru you are part of, Klark. Even when you are your own kru for now. From now on the people of my village will welcome you and help you whenever you ask for it. In here you have a place to come and a place to stay i you wish to do so.'

Clarke nods with a grateful smile. 'Mochof Sylvia'

'Pardon me, Klark, but i am curious. Are you not the Wanheda, the Destroyer of the Mountain ?'

Clarke shruggles, her boredom written on her face. 'People say that about me, but i am only Klark.'

'Only Klark... Yet you did destroyed our greatest enemy, didn't you ?'

'I wasn't alone, we were four in that room. An engineer friend of mine knew how to access their system, i just had to push a lever to erase the threat. See, it is a massive destruction that i am only _partly_ responsable for. The real people responsable for the destruction of the Mountain are the mountain men themselves.'

Sylvia nods her head. 'I understand your reasoning.'

'Tell Silas i will come to her at first light. There is much to discuss before my departure.'

'Sha, Heda.'

With a final bow, the chief takes her leave.

'Your departure ? ' Clarke doesn't look at Lexa. They stay side by side, back to the dance, staring at the night.

'Sha. I came to my village only because of Silas. She was a mother to me. Then i will go to Tondisi to meet with Indra about Trikru.'

Clarke doesn't know what to feel about that. The print of Lexa's hands are still fresh on her, so real, that her heat rate goes off at the idea of it only being temporary. They are on the Ground, she knows, there are no certainty. You have to leave in the now. But still she wishes. In the quiet of her heart she yearns for more.

'You could come with me.' The voice is only a murmur Clarke's ear catches in the night as the Commander shifts closer.

'I could.' She whispers back. ' I want to' she admits. She bites her lips then. 'Do you want me to ?' Her heart is in her throat and she doesn't know why. They just found each other again _today_. But she remembers the room, the bed, how everything felt so right, perfect pieces of a perfect puzzle coming whole.

'Sha'

_XOXOXOXOXOX_

It is late when they reach the quiet of the house. The fire in the hearth is out and the night is chill. Lexa diggs some embers from the ash, put them in a pot to go with her. Clarke fallows when she goes to her room. The pot is placed on the chest at the foot of the bed and Lexa starts undoing her sash. Clarke puts her hand on hers, eyes asking. Lexa softly smiles with a nod as Clarke dislodge the red fabric, folding it with tender care. The shoulder pads come next, then the sword, the dagger and the belt. She undoes the clips of the armor protecting both front and back. Step by step, Clarke works in the silence of the room, Lexa's gaze never leaving her. It feels like they have done it a thousand times.

'You're different here' Clarke musses in the quiet.

'There are no more war to fight'

'For now'

'For now'

'It is nice to see you relaxed'

'The fate of my people weighs less when at peace. They are in good hands which are not mine directly. I delegate. Clan leaders manage their area, chief's village care for each small group, so i can step back in the shadows and let them be. They come seek me when need be and i am mainly there to maintain peace among them. A task which is easier every year. With the Mountain gone we do not have the common enemy to keep them united, but we have better now. Prosperity. Peace. Those seeds are now young trees in each people's heart and mind. Its roots are deep, growing.' She reaches a hand to cup Clarke's cheek. 'I can relax.'

Clarke takes her hand, turns a little a places a kiss in the calloused palm. 'I am glad.' She kneels on the floor and starts removing the leg protections. ' You are Heda, messager of the Gods, sent by Athena the Warrior Goddess of Wisdom and Victory. You have greatness and power beyond those of simple humans. Do i understand correctly ?' she asks, now working on taking the boots off.

'Sha. I have strong spirit. My inner self - the real self that you talk about earlier that you discovered in meditation – my true self is not out of reach, it is not an echo far away inside. It is in the front, everywhere. It is me. I am the true me in all of what i am, but i adapt the expression of myself depending on situations.

'What do you mean ?'

'Imagine that being my true self, totally without restrain, is like boiling water. You cannot touch it or you will burn, hurt, die. When confronting an enemy i may allow myself to be wholy me. When not i adapt if i don't want people to get hurt. It is only when i retreat alone, of when i meditate or train, that i am my true self.'

'You adapt. Have i ever seen you true self ?'

'No'

'But you said when confronting an enemy' Clarke frows, going behind Lexa, hands untangling braids.

'In the heat of battle.'

'Okay...'

'Tell me what is on your mind Klark'

'I just... When you are not your true self, you are not a false self either ?'

'I am still Heda, but less boiling. I become warm water. I can even be cold when need be. When i infiltrate somewhere for exemple, to join a group without being seen.'

'Like what you did with Jaha and Kanein their cell. They thought you were an harmless girl.'

'Sha'

Clarke runs her fingers in dark locks, massaging the scalp. Lexa hums her content.

'Are you able to be your true self with anyone ? Ever ?'

'There are rare people capable of mastering their own self the way i do mine. When someone grows closer to their true self - their real self or inner self, you may call it what you wish- their vibration grows as well. When mastering enough they can reach my level of energy.'

'They can be Heda ?'

'No. There is only one Heda. Heda is the name my people gave to me in their prophecies. But it isn't my true name. No one but me knows my true name and my true idendity, the essence of my energy. Everyone has a true self, more or less accessible. Each true self has it's identity and it's speciality. The speciality that my people knows about me is the i am a messager of Athena, with powers of War and Victory, Rules and Justice. I am Unification.'

Clarke kisses the back of her head before going to the table. The pouch is still on it. There is a cloth there that she guesses it used to remove the paint. She takes it and looks for water. She locates the jug and pour a little to the fabric. Facing Lexa again, she gently takes the wheel symbol off, placing it in the pouch, and comes back. She holds her jaw and starts slowly erasing the choreal.

'I have been waiting for you to complete my mission Klark.'

Clarke startles at that, but she keeps working without a word.

'Your spirit is ancient, same as me. You have started to reach your true self. It is strong, easy to access for you. It is normal. You have always sensed it, your difference, your inner strenght. It is not one of a warrior, that is not your speciality. You felt the deepth of your self from the very beginning but you choose to ignore it for years. I am guessing the pull became stronger when you grow out of childhood.' Clarke's breathing is short now, her finger trembling, but she keeps moving the wet cloth.

'Do not fear it, Klark. It is a beautiful calling. ' Lexa murmurs softly. She takes Clarke's hands on her own, stilling her movement, trapping a hand on her jaw and the other, holding the fabric, on her cheek. Her face is tender.

'You are a beautiful spirit, Klark. Do not fear it. You are not me. I know it is what holds you back, what i told you when we meet. We are the same, but in very different ways. The speciality of my soul is War but it is not yours. You do not have to be a leader either. You just have to be you. Like you said, no have no skru, you are your own. That is all that matter, being your true self. The rest is insignificant.'

Clarke's breath itches, her voice high. 'What am i ?'

'I will tell you only one word, Klark, one word to give you direction. It is you who must discover and embrace your true self. Then you will know the rest, everything will come to you as easely as breathing. It is a process. The first step is to stop fighting it, then to accept it, and last to welcome it. But i can tell you Klark, your true self is beautiful, i can see it. Do not fear it.'

'The word.' Clarke whispers in the room. 'What is the word ?'

'Peace.'


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Peace.

Staring blindly at the ceiling, Clarke picks at the furs, unable to sleep.

Peace, she muses again like a broken record playing on repeat in her head for the past hours. What the _fuck_ does that mean ? Yes, she is tired, she can't stop thinking, her brain fuming in her skull. All the intricate mecanics of her cerebral cells has nothing to do in the middle of the night but screaming their constant questions with no fucking answers coming their way. It is annoying and extremely frustrating, having a brain blocking on one fucking word, again and again, like thinking it all over will ultimately leading to a freaking revelation.

Her brain is stupid.

She sighs and wriggles in the bed. She can't keep still but she tries to hold her nerves in the warm bed anyway because Lexa is, however, sleeping _peace_ fully all right. She just dreams in the _peaceful_ heaven of _serenity_ bliss while Clarke is wild awake in the darkness of their room. Yes, their room. Thinking about sleeping across the hall felt bizarre and ridiculous. She belongs with Lexa, there is no denying it, and she doesn' try, not when she has something else to worry about.

Well, besides Lohan the creepy talisman fetishist set on murdering Heda, that is.

Clarke can feel the giggle coming into her mouth, begging for freedom. This is all so fucking _great_. She is basicaly an alien, directly crashed from the stars, formerly living a cold metalic box but now living anywhere and everywhere into the wild, finally free of her people, of her mother, but in a totally foreign environment, learning to be on her own, on the Ground where she has everything to learn, from feeding to protecting herself with a quick stop to the language section – she must understand Trigedasleng fast if she doesn't want to stay clueless about what is going on around her thank you. Not to mention all the fighting, stabing, killing, genociding she performed in between. She has enough on her plate to deal with as it is. Really. But then Lexa comes to play her part in Clarke's crazy little life, messing it up to a whole new level of crazy. Being with Lexa is being in a relationship with Heda and all that is coming with it. Clarke knows there is a fucking ton of complications about to drop on their heads because Lexa is the fucking Commander of the Twelve Clans, which, by association makes Clarke her... what ? There is a big interrogation point right there. Of course that is the only complication that Lexa brings with her in Clarke's life. There is also this little problem of _Lohan_ pressing _Clarke_ to kill _Lexa_. Honestly at that point it wouldn't be a problem if it was just Lohan wanting to kill Lexa. Clarkes knows the Commander could deal with that, yet _she_ is in the middle of the equation. Greatly great. So, you see, Clarke's life is already a mess of tangled lines she tries to unknot with good will, she does. That is when the last drop takes the cake, and her brain bugs with a warning sign.

Souls, ancient spirits, meditation, Heda, Athena, Goddess. _Peace_. That is too much for Clarke to process. She goes on overdrive and she fears she might explode any minute if someone, _anyone_ , somewhere, doesn't simplify her life right now.

'Klark'

Oups... her brain must be screaming too loud, perturbing Heda's _waves_ of energy or something. What ? Clarke is bitter when she is tired, and she is so fucking tired she doesn't know what she is thinking about anymore. Seems like her brain works on freelance, taking initiative all on his own, just braining for the heck of it. Funny, funny, funny.

Ha. Ha.

'Sorry. I can't sleep'. Yeah, she is stating the obvious, so ?

She feels Lexa moving in the sheets where they are currently back to back. They had started the night cuddling, but between her third and fourth wriggling sessions Clarke had needed space. To wriggle some more.

'What is on your mind ?' the rasp voice asks in the dark.

Clarke burst out laughing hystericaly, unable to stop, unwilling to stop. She is so mest up that she doesn't even know why she is awake anymore. What was she thinking about just yet ? She has no clue. And that makes her laugh even more. It is cathartic and it feels _so good_ , being hysterical for no fucking reason, laughing so hard her muscles ach and her eyes cry.

After long minutes of explosion, Clarke's breath calm, her body relaxes, voice hoarsed. She settles on the bed facing the ceiling. ' Peace ' she says in a low voice, mimicking Lexa's tone from earlier. She giggles some more.

Lexa shifts in the furs. 'You are upset.' Clarke's only response is a lound snort. Upset. Right. 'You are thinking too much Clarke, your mind is too strong. It must learn to be silent. In the quiet you will find your answers, not in the mind. The mind only adds questions. Answers are in your heart.'

'Mmmm ?'

'The voice of your heart is the voice of true self. It is within your reach Clarke, once you master your mind.'

Clarke humpfs. The temptation to behave like a petulant child is strong, but she is trying to let go of that part of her, Abby's legacy, by being more open, more fluid. Adapting. So instead of whining she timidly asks. 'What do you mean ?'

'Breath the silence'

'What?'

'The first step for you is to breath the silence into your mind until your mind is no longer in power. Whenever your mind is too strong, too loud, breath the silence and it will calm. Then you will have acces to the other part.'

'After i breath silence ?'

'Sha. But not only this once, always. Your mind will remain silent all the time. It will answers to you only when asked to. It will not be in power anymore. Then your heart can take commands. After.'

'Okay. So, first step, breath silence. Easy to say, but...'

'Not easely done. What did Linkon teach you ?'

'Huh... Listening to the Earth, mostly. Birds, flames, wind, that kind of thing.'

'It is a good start to disciplin the mind, but it is not enough. Not for you.'

'Because of my spirit.'

'Sha. It is waiting to be heard Klark. I am sorry if that disturbs you, but it is the truth. I believe that is why you came to me today. It is time. All the rest must hold so you can concentrate on this only purpose, developing and becoming your true self.

'How ? Where do i start ? How do i proceed ?'

'If you are willing, i will show you the way.'

Clarke turns in the bed then, facing Lexa who is already lying on her side toward her. Her eyes are wild open. She waits. Lexa sighs

'You wish to start now.' That is not a question and they both know it. Still Clarke nods in the dark.

'I can't sleep. You don't seem very sleepy yourself by the way.'

'I am not use to sleep with someone. And you were moving a lot. It is okay, i don't sleep much when i am traveling. I must stay vigilant.'

'Mmm. I will try not to move as much next time.'

'You will know how to breath silence next time. '

None of them questions when the next time will be.

'Come.' Lexa reaches out, straightening her right arm to go under Clarke's head. Clarke molds her front to Lexa's side, one hand coming to her chest, a leg slipping on a hip. She nuzzles her nose to the strong jaw and exhale a content sigh when Lexa's hand comes massaging her skull. If she could she would be purring already.

'Close your eyes Klark.' Lexa's voice is soft, inviting whisper in the night. 'Imagine that each time you breath in, you breath silence inside of you.' She pauses as Clarke does as instructed. 'Imagine. Silence is a pure white cloud of cleaning energy. This white cloud is settleing in every corner of your being, in every part of you. ' She pauses again. 'You breath the silence in, nothing else exist. Only the silence. You open yourself to it, giving it all access. You breath the silence inside you, and it grows.'

Clarke's body relax as the focus on the silence. She can feels her brain calming.

'Open your mind to the silence. Invite your mind to clean itself in the purification of silence. It is good for it, it is for it's own good. Your mind is too stressed, too worried, too tensed. It need to relaxed for it to be healthy. Invite your mind to open itself to silence, to be friend with it, to embrace it.'

Clarke imagine her brain is a flower in her skull, slowly each petal opens.

'There is only silence' Lexa's voice guides. 'You breath silence, you fill with silence. You become silence.' She pauses before adding 'If a thought comes to pass do not fight it, let it pass, then come back to the silence. You breath silence, you fill with silence. You _are_ silence.'

Clarke feels like she is floating in a white cloud of serenity, where nothing matters and everything is fine. She is all and she is nothing, she has no begining, no end. She is. She breaths.

In the quiet of her mind, the sleep slowly takes her away.

XOXO

XOXO

'Mmmm' she grumbles half asleep. Her pillow is moving under her, the warmth surrending her is leaving and it is not okay. 'Stay' she rasped, not opening her eyes. She is not awake yet, and she wants to stay in the sleepyness of sleepyland.

She feels a tingle in her forehead. 'Sleep Klark. I will come for you later.'

'Mmmm' is all she can manage before falling back to sleep.

There is sunlight outside the next time she wakes up. Fully sated, she stretches in the furs before realising Lexa isn't here. She touches her forehead. Right, she left in the early morning. Something about coming back later.

Clarke doesn't feel like getting up just yet. She feels like being lazy. She spreads herself all over the bed, extending her legs and arms, palms up, fingers straight she takes up all the space she can and giggles at herself. She is in a good mood. She slept wonderfully. In fact, she wonders if she ever slept so well before. She is starting to understand that there is, indeed, nothing to be afraid of. If her good night sleep is anything to go by, exploring her true self will probably open to _more_. Peace, indeed.

She feels her brain starting anew, like a machine someone would have push the 'on' button on. And she realises that _she_ is the one accessing the button, she has the power to press 'on', 'pause' of 'off' is she wishes to. If she knows how to. It is a strange thing, to analyse her inner working, watching her mind as a clear part of herself that she can locate and communicate with. Like her mind is, in a way, it's on being that she has meet for the first time las night.

Her eyes track a spider weaving her web in the corner of the ceiling. It is a fascinating demonstration. But then she hears a clinging sound accross the hall that takes her attention. In an instant she is out of the bed. Lexa, is her first thought, her heart jumping in anticipation.

Crumpled clothes, tousled hair, she barges in the common room with a smile plasted on her face, only to stumble on her own feet when she sees no Lexa, but a Rider squatted down by the fire, stirring at a pot. Breakfast. Clarke's stomach expresses it's agreement with a loud noise, and Clarke is left mortified for a second. She _just_ got out of bed. She is not prepared for Rider. And yet, that is her second lesson of the day : the Ground is alway throwing new elements, each step of the way, no matter the direction you're going. Be ready for it to appears onto your path seemingly out of thin air. Be ready.

And adapt.

So she clears her throat, refreins from combing her messy hairbed, untangles herself from herself and nods to the Grounder. Rider nods his big head back before returning to his task. Filling a second pot with what looks like thick soup, he says _'Come. Eat.'_ He doesn't bother talking in english, and somehow Clarke knows it is on Lexa's command.

Clarke needs to learn Trigedasleng fast, they both know it. She sents a grateful prier to Lincoln, for she already understands what Rider told her. Come. Eat. Easy. Well, as long as their conversation stays in a one/two words basis.

'Sha' she answers somewhat shyly. She moves her naked feet to the hearth, takes a bowl and sits indian style on the nearest cushion. She catches Rider's stare on her chest, posture stiffing. He meets her eyes with a slow nod before starting on his food. Strange. She remembers Sylvia having quite the same reaction the last evening, right before assessing her welcome. She stops eating the delicious honey like porridge and drops her head, eyeing her front. There is a necklace there that she never saw before. Laced with a red thread of fabric.

Lexa. She must have put it on her last night while they danced. Her mind wanders briefly on the lascivious moment at the beat of the drums, before she catches herself and disciplins her brain. She breaths to center herself. She doesn't know what this neckless is for but she guesses she better keep it on. Lexa isn't the type to do anything random. Whatever the reason for it, they'll talk about it later.

It amazes her still, the way they established their easy relationship not even a day after meeting again. It is as if they always belonged. Clarke imagines that, without the war going on between their peoples at the time, and without Finn, they would have feel the same undeniable connexion the first day they met. She has to admit there must be a higher power putting them so perfectly together. Fate, destiny. Goddess. _Gha_. No, she doesn't want to go on that headache road right now.

The porridge is tasty, she focuses on it instead. Rider finishes his meal, goes for seconds and asks. ' _Again ?'_ The serving spoon is levitating in his hand, waiting to serve. Clarke's head goes left and right. This sweet soup thing is heavy enough for one bowl to fill her for hours. He takes the pot, empties it in his bowl and puts it on a rock ouside the burning wood. Dishes.

'Where is Heda ?' Clarke muses once her meal done. Rider just stares at her. Right. _'Where is Heda ?'_ She repeats in Trigedasleng. Rider talks then, aligning words on words, and it is Clarke's turn to stare. _'Huh. Slow, please.'_ She responds with a concentrated face, showing her good will to learn.

He grins at her. Not an actual smile, but still, it counts. _'Heda-is-with-Silas.'_

'Ha ! I understood that.' She points her finger to the Grouder, very pleased with herself. When he throws a pointing gaze in return she quickly moves her hand to her knee. 'Mochof' she murmurs, thanking him both for his answer and his simplier response.

When he rises on his feet, picking up their bowls, putting them on the pot, she doesn't know what to do. He seems to sense her confusion and looks at her again. Slowly he raises a finger pointing at her, a hint of a smirk on his lips. _'You-stay-with-me'_ He points to his chest. The smirk grows. He is enjoying speaking to her like this. Well, she can understand why, it is quite funny to watch too. ' _Come.'_ And off they go, once Clarke has the presence of mind to put some shoes on. And to brush her hair a little. Not that there is much to help at this point. She is a walking knot from head to toe.

She fallows him to the river down the village, opposit to what Clarke calls now the dancing place. She watches the way he washes the dishes, his movements even, fluid and minimals, always centered. He his Heda's guard so he must be pretty good at meditating.

'Do you breath silence ?' she voices her thought out loud in the sunny morning. He raises a brow. ' _You..._ ' Damn, she doesn't know the words for this one. 'Huh... _Help me please ?'_ Her shoulders sag when she adds in english 'Can you teach me the words ?' He nods, puts the pot and washing cloth on the rocks, opens his arms wild and inhale very strongly, chest moving up and down. While doing it he says : ' _Breath.'_

And yeah, this way of communicating is going to be funny. They are bound to be friends after that. There must be a rule about playing this 'guess what my word is' game that says that anyone who plays it finishes smiling. It is too ridiculous to pass on. Maybe enemies should play it together. Yes ! This game would totally be a peace making. Maybe the coalition would go stronger if they played regularly. They could start every big reunion with a little 'guess what is my word' game.

Note to self : talk to Lexa about it.

Smiling, she repeats ' _Breath_ ' and locks it in her expanding vocabulary. Then he mimicks the silence, cuping his hand at his ear, his other arm straight in front of him, waving slowly left and right. ' _Silence'_ his voice is so deep and serious, like the beginning of roar, that it is really hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the picture. Pinching her lips, guts twitching from refraining her giggle, she repeats. _'Silence !'_ Her laugh explodes at the end of the word. Hands on stomach, she bends forward. Her mirth only grows when Rider narrows his eyes at her, arms crossed in his chest, _pounting_.

When her calm settles again she sends him a bright smile. Laughing is such a freeing sensation. She feels greatful for it. 'Mochof' she thanks him sincerely. He only glares at her from all of his high, but Clarke can see the humor in his eyes.

They are becoming fast friends, she knows it.

XOXO

XOXO

Clarke is lazyly _bathing_ in _warm water_ for the past hour or so, and she doesn't plan on leaving. Ever.

With Rider's assistance – he took pity on her – she had dragged pots and pots of water from the river, filling up the tub. Under the wooden barrel is a large metalic board mounting several massive pillars mostly made of even raw rocks, mesuring roughly a forearm's length, with plenty of place to put burning charcoal on the ground underneath the tub, warming the water in it. Clarke had been set on her mission. No matter the numerous journeys to the river, no matter the numerous journeys to the hearth, transfering all the elements necessary for her fantasy to come true. She would be a living knot no longer. When she finally had filled the barrel and placed the hot hot burning wood, she had been so happy she jumped into Rider's arms. The poor Grounder was pitiying her so much he had patted her head with a smirk Clarke was beginning to know well. His smirk had grown more when he had knocked on Clarke's shoulder, getting her attention, before pointing to the charoal, then the water, and said _'Wait now'_ . If she hadn't been so stunned Clarke would have cried. Instead she had taken a sit on the ground, facing the tub, and waited. First she had started counting, but after thrity-seven she thought better of it. Rider was silent at the main door. He seemed deeply within himself, eyes open in a meditating state. He had been right, it was a good way to pass the time. So that is what Clarke did. Remembering Lexa's soft words in the quiet of their room, she had started to breath silence in. Losing consciousness of her surrounding, it had been Rider's movement behind her that brought her back. The water was warm.

So now Clarke is alone, in her tub, and she is _not_ leaving. She has put too much time and energy to get there. If people want to see her they can come on in, she's not moving. Maybe some big Grounders could carry her around in her tub. Nah, i would be wired, not to mention the naked part – or parts, plurial. Oh, and people can't really carry her around slavishly like they have nothing better to do, that is silly.

Clarke splashes the water and giggles. She is happy. Her brain is still relaxed and she focuses her attention on keeping it that way. It demands a lot of attention, to _not_ think. She was probably much slower filling the tub because of it. All day she was busy not thinking, most of the time when she managed to keep focus. All right, some of the time. _Fine_ , very little periods of time, her and there. Still, she is starting disciplining her brain.

It takes a lot of energy and concentration, to pause her mind. Even now in her bath, without doing anything, she is working. Inside. She is _doing_ , inside. She is keeping an eye on her mind, breathing silence, feeling the warm water on her skin. She realises it is indeed the first step, a really hard one. Mastering the mind.

She is in the middle of her thought – oups, she was thinking rigth there – when someone comes through the main door into the room. Clarke doesn't open her eyes, she already feels it's her. In her half-meditating hafl-sleepy state she is quite in tune with her inner voice, her intuition. She senses the deepth of their connexion with Lexa, a connexion which is growing stronger. It is a powerfull sensation.

'How was Silas ?'

'Good. She would like to meet with you if you agree to it.'

'Really ?' From what Clarke gathered last night, Silas is a mother to Lexa. The idea of meeting such an important figure in her... lover's... life is both intriging and intimidating.

'You don't have to, Klark'

'No, i want to. I do. When does she want me to meet her ?'

'Whenever you are ready, she will be staying in her hut today. She is preparing herbs to give to me before we go.'

We. Clarke likes the sound of we.

'Will you accompany me then ?'

'Sha'

Clarke grins at earing Lexa's sweet voice, the voice she knows only her ears receive. Soft, carring. Loving.

'When do we leave ?'

'Tomorrow at first light. There is much to travel. We will reach Tondisi in two days.'

'Mmm... Oh, Lexa ? I was wondering earlier...' Clarke raises a finger out of the water, eyes still closed and trying to keep her mind relaxed, breathing, she points in a general direction. 'What is the necklace for ?'

She waits while Lexa choses her words.

'A message.'

Clarke doesn't say anything, one brow raising, she waits. She is learning to speak Trigedasleng, quiet facial expressions are part of the classes. She hears a sigh.

'It is a message for my people. It means you are under Heda's protection. They will give you respect. They will protect you if the need comes to it and i am not there to do so myself.' She pauses. 'You are under my protection.'

'The way you say it, it is more than that, doesn't it ? '

'You are under -'

'Your protection, i gathered that.'

'Klark'

'Sorry' She focuses on her breathing.

'My people is not stupid nor blind. They see what you are to me. They saw it at the Mountain when i ordered the retreat, i knew it was written on my face. They do not forget, and words travels fast. The twelve clans were present at the war against the Maun-de. By now my people knows i care for you. As such, now that you are out of your cave, it is important to draw directions.' As if sensing Clarke frowning, she adds. 'You are exploring yourself Klark, this process takes time. You left your people and you are alone, that is a dangerous situation for you, as long as you don't know how to protect yourself.'

'Yes, i need to learn combat.'

'Sha, but it is not enough. To my people you are not _just_ Klark. You are the victor of the Mountain and Heda's companion. You are not just anything.'

Clarke sinks a little bit further in the water, suddenly aware of the weight wanting to settle on her shoulders.

'My gift to you' Lexa whispers from behind, and Clarke can feel tender waves of energy flowing to her. 'is to give you my protection, so you canbe _just_ Klark, so you can be a loner with no clan, in search for your true self, not concerning yourself with anything else. I will protect you Klark, for as long as you need.'

The promise is so sincere, Clarke's heart swells in her chest. There is a tear running on her cheek.

'Thank you Leksa.'

XOX

XOX

XOX

A/N

There will be more, but i thought i would edit that part already.

They hadn't have sex yet, if you were wondering ^^

Hope my editing is all right !

Hope you'll noticed the references her and there ;o)

TRANSLATION

Mochof – thank you

Sha – yes

Maun-de – Mount Weather


	8. Chapter 8

Ai gonplei ste odon – my fight is over

Sha – yes

Nomon – mother

...

xoxoxo

xoxoxo

...

Chapter 8

The hut is simple, a room cercle made of straw and other mixed construction materials Clarke knows nothing about. The door is more of a heavy curtain and there is a hole in the roof for the exit of the hearth's smoke. Is isn't much at all, but there is a profond presence in it. Nothing like Lexa's mother empty house. This is a home.

Lexa takes a sit by the fire on the right of the elder woman, the gesture is so easy she must have practised it a thousand times. Clarke's imagination wonders about a Lexa child playing around the room with a sword too big for her, laughing. The thought makes her smile. She would love to take a peak in her lover's past and see what she was like. But there are no pictures to watch. The past is in the past, the living are hungry.

'I hear you are just Klark for now.'

Silas's voice is deep, like the roar of an ocean. She is seated on a chair while Lexa is on the ground with her legs crossed. It is a strange scene to watch, Heda situated below anyone, but they are alone in the room and Clarke guesses that for now Lexa is the child Silas raised.

'I am.'

The elder is relaxed on her backchair, face neutral, blue eyes fierced. It is as if she tries to read Clarke's soul. The feeling is a little unpleasant but she bears it for she has nothing to hide.

'For now'

There is a pause before Silas nods. From the ground Lexa adresses her mother. 'She is learning to live in the now.'

Silas's gaze doesn't leave Clarke's steady eyes as she acknowledges it. 'There is much you must learn, Klark the Loner. You cannot stay behind of things. It is dangerous to not be in full power of the now.'

Clarke clears her throat. 'I know.' Her voice is strong and respecful, at least she hopes so. She wants to make a good impression.

'Lexa told me you were with my child when she took her last breath in this life. Did she die well ?'

For a moment Clarke is lost. Sensing her disconfort Lexa mumurs 'Anya was Silas's daughter. Me sista.' Clarke hears the longing and the loss in the voice and for a moment she forgets to breath.

Her sister. The truth is crushing her lungs, making her sweat. Her eyes are fixed on the ground, swallowing hard, when she finds the courage to answer. 'Anya and i were alone, exhausted. We just managed to escape the Mountain and we were covert with blood and mud. We were heading to Camp Jaha, we were almost there. The Sky people... They didn't reconized me. They thought we were enemies.' She blinks a few times, refusing to sheed the tears coming to her eyes. She owes them the truth, at last. Back then telling how Anya really died would have provock the Commander's fury, insuring their extermination. The war is over now. 'The guards saw us and shot us with no warning. We tried to run but Anya was hit by a bullet. All i could do was be with her. I tried to help, to stop the bleeding... but she stopped me, she stopped me and she told me...' She raises her head then, not watching Silas, not watching Lexa. Her mind isn't in the hut anymore, she is back in the forest on the horrible night. 'Ai gonplei ste odon.'

Overwhelmed by her memory, Clarke is drowning in the emotions of that day. Everything was so fast, so highten. So much of it had been wrong. A part of her was still disgusted by the Ark people, the way they didn't care. Anya's body would have rotted on the forest ground if it wasn't for the bullet in her chest. Clarke's argument for burying her was to hide the truth of her death, so that no Grounders would find out, destroying the alliance to smoke. Maybe they can dig her body out now, give her a proper funeral, the Grounder's way. By fire.

'I will take you to her grave, if you want. Give her the purification ritual.' Clarke's voice is far away, still in the forest. Something touches her left hand, she jerks out of reach, adrenaline high in her veins. This night was one fucking nightmare. One of many since she landed.

 _Fucking Ground._

And yeah, at this point this starts to feel like a mojo.

Lexa stands beside her in the hut, hand extended. Her face is soft and she bares no trace of betrayal on it. Her green eyes, bare of paint, say what her voice cannot formulate. It says 'I understand.' And of course she does. Lexa must have known war all of her life, fighting battle after battle, making plans, manipulating, dessiving... Being the one doing it, being the one getting it. Costia...

Clarke sighs, her shoulders sag and she feels so tired. Again. She waves her fingers with Lexa's extended hand and fallows her lead, settling on the ground at Lexa's left side. They all remain silent, staring at the flames for a while. Finally Silas's low voice breaks it. She speaks to Lexa in Trigedasleng, too fast for Clarke to comprehend fully.

'Sha, Nomon.' The quiet softness of Lexa's voice is soothing. Clarke closes her eyes, basking in the intimate moment where Lexa is just a girl calling Silas nomon, mother. She feels Silas's attention shifts to her.

'You will show Anya to Lexa.'

'Sha' Clarke whispers, squeezing the hand still in hers.

After a moment of silent introspection, Lexa fishes a piece of paper folded in the inside pocket of her coat, giving it to her mother. Clarke already knows what is on it since she draw the portrait soon after her bath earlier. Lohan's portrait. Silas unfolds the paper, eyes scanning, before she throws it to the fire.

'Hey !' Clarke reacts. It is Lexa's turn to squeeze her hand while Silas sends her a smirk, speaking in Trigedasleng so fast Clarke cannot understand a world of it. She frowns. 'Could you please speak in english so i can understand ?'

The mirth in the elder's eyes is annoying. 'You must learn our langage, Loner, or you will not survive this land.'

'I know. I _am_ learning. I practise every day. But right now i think there are important things to discuss.' She points her finger to the paper already turning to ashes.

'Fine, i will speak your langage for now. I expect next time we meet our langage will be the same.'

'Mochof.'

'As i was saying...' There is a spark of defiance in the elder's gaze while she starts in english. 'The Faceless man is still wandering around in the woods.' She sighs. 'You have much to learn in little time, Klark, there is much you don't know. Your ignorence makes you an easy target, easy to manipulate. Like Nofass has done to you.'

'Nofass ?'

Nofass... in Trigedasleng it means something like... no-face. But why ?

'The Faceless man is a sorcerer, a shaman of the Jukt tribe. His talisman gives him the capacity to deviate weak minds, the minds of those who do not know how to defuse his subterfuge.'

'What subterfuge ?'

When Silas's head turns to the side, Lexa takes it as a silent demand to speak up.

'The Jukt tribe is a group of ten shaman living in the wild. The forest is their main way of living, but they do not claim any land, they do not need it, always moving within it. My people know about them only from rumours, no one will go looking for them and they will not come out. They are feared. The Jukt tribe is not to be taken lightly.' Lexa explains, her thumb drawing patterns on Clarke's hand. 'The man you met has many faces to show the world, as he presents many names to call himself. All are fake, subterfuge, a game of mirrors and smoke. We call him the Nofass, the Faceless man.'

Clarke is stunned by the information. It is just unbelievable, no man is capable of that. Seing the doubt written all over her face, Lexa adds. 'He is good at blurring perceptions Klark.'

'I don't understand, i _saw_ him like i see you. You tell me it wasn't his face ?'

'You are a child learning to crawl, Loner. ' Silas cuts in, stare fierce. 'You know nothing of this land and of it's habitants. You know now of Heda and of the Goddess, what makes it so difficult for you to believe that other powers are at play ?'

'Magic.' Lexa's green eyes find Clarke's, leading the conversation gently when she senses her nomon's irritation. 'Jukt people are all shaman, they know the way of magic, the energy of the Earth, elements.'

'Magic' Clarke repeats with a flat voice.

'Sha. Their knowledge is not vast but they can use the elements to their advantage. Their talismans and incantations have power. Nofass's speciality is to change perceptions. It is his main magic. Each shaman has it's speciality.'

'Like what you said yesterday ? Is it their souls ?'

'No, it is not.' Lexa snarls lowly. 'They are not in sink with their true self, they do not seek it. Their souls are far within, out of reach. They are interested by dark power. They are driven by ego, not heart, that is the difference.'

'Okay... I'm not sure to understand but i guess it doesn't really matter at this point. _Why_ do they want to kill you ? And why using me to do it ?' Clarke can feel a headache pointing her direction.

Fucking Ground.

'It is a matter of evolution' Silas's deep voice answers. 'The clans in all the land are united, under Heda's command. The last threat, the last war, has been wan.'

'The mountain men.'

'Now peace can flourish. That is an inconveniance for the shamans. Their magic feeds on war, violence, destruction. The soil is soaked by decades of it's energy. With Unification comes a new era where those energies will be uprooted. New waves of lighter energies will be planted, and it is this evolution the Jukt tribe do not want.' The elder bends forward on her seat, eyes locked on Clarke. 'By sending you to kill Lexa, Nofass was achieving two goals. Spliting the coalition by Heda's death, opening the land to conflicts again and misleading your soul's purpose by being the one to kill her. Defiling the soul of the PeaceKeeper.'

'Nomon' Lexa interrupts before Clarke can open her mouth. She then speaks quickly in Trigedasleng so Clarke cannot understand a word of what she is saying to her mother. It is all quite unfurieting, and Clarke realises how necessary it is for her to learn the langage as fast as she can. They will not be able to left her out for long, she promesses herself.

Gritting her teeth she cuts Lexa's private conversation – which is obviously about her. 'So what do i do now ?' Her voice is sharp. 'He was clearly giving me the sensation he will be watching me. If i don't kill Lexa, then what ?'

'He is not watching you, he only makes you fell he does. That way you open yourself up for his eye, you allow him to watch. It is all a game of perception Klark.'

'What the fuck does that mean ?!' Her head is pounding now.

'It is magic Klark. The Jukt tribe always stays out of sight, deep within the forest. They do not have the men power to fallow you, to watch any of us. They do not care for it. But they can fallow your trace, your energy trail, if you don't know how to reject them. It is basic magic. If you _believe_ they are watching you, you permit them to do so, to sense your personal energy and to feel where you are going, what you are doing. By believing they have influence over you, you give them the power to do so.'

'This is all crazy'

'You were there yesterday, at the ceremony' Silas reminds her. 'You saw Heda's energy. It is all invisible, yet you felt it. It is the same. There is much you do not see yet, but you can learn to feel. You will learn to feel.'

'When you commune with your true self. All will become clearer, Klark.' Lexa insures.

Clarke's only answer is a groan. 'So he can't spy on me if i believe he doesn't. Is that it ?'

'Sha. But you must be certain of it. You must master your mind for it.' Clarke groans some more, head in her hands. 'But i am Heda, i am a grown master where they are only babies. Their magic is nothing more than a grain of sand when i am full desert. From the moment you fainted in the wood and i had time to really look at you, i saw the invisible web around you and i stopped it. When you woke up in my house they already had no more access over you, then you told me about the talismans and i understood.'

'Yet you didn't tell me.'

Lexa's eyebrow rises as she draws Clarke's hand to her lips, kissing it softly. 'We did not have time for it.' she reminds her. Oh... Lexa clears her throat, head high, chin up, the composture of Heda. 'Jukt tribe is not a threat to me, but they are an inconveniance. Like a stone in a shoe.'

'So you're not going to do anything?'

Lexa sighs. 'I don't know what i can do.'

'Kill them all' Silas suggests, her tone sure. 'They are hanging on old magic, refusing to evolve. You must do as you always do, erase those who keep challenging your autority and the Unification.'

'I thought you were reminding, not erasing.' Klark remarks, eyeing the Commander.

'I set exemples when need be. Some are more resilient than other. Some you can bend, other you must break.'

'And you must do the same with this tribe. You set them aside for too long.'

'They were of no concern then. The war to unite the clans worked in their favor.'

'But now they want you gone' Silas points out. 'They are more than a stone in your shoe, Lexa. That stone can hurt you, cripple you, slow you, and with enough patience and efficiency, poison you. You must take them seriously.' Lexa nods her head, already thinking about her next move.

Silas turns to Clarke, her face relaxed, voice genuine. 'I am curious, Klark the Loner, how did Nofass approch you ? How did he convince you to kill Lexa ?'

Clarke shifts uncomfortably. 'I don't know exactly. I felt strange when he was near me, like in a haze. He talked to me about the Mountain, and it was like i was there again, like i was living it. He talked about the betrayal i felt, the hurt it left, about revenge and blood. He told me what a monster Lexa was, how she didn't deserve to live, how the Sky people would be safer once she would be dead. It was all blurry and it all made sense to me while he was there. It was so strong, like hypnosis. I felt like he was right, like every cell of my body screamed revenge and blood. I was intent to do as he said.' She pauses, finding the green eyes she came to adore. 'But a bigger part of me, deeper, disagreed with him. I reconized he was a dangerous man that i was unable to beat. I choose to play along, playing the blond card.' She smirks at the joke she knows she is the only one to get. 'I noded to all of what he said, agreeing to kill you, but the real part of me, hiding, never intended to. It was like being two persons at once, one putting on a show, the other one being the whisper of a ghost, staying out of sight.'

Silas nods, eyes sparkling with evident pride. 'That is why he let you live. He was certain his mind game worked on you. I admit i cannot wait to see you at your full development, Savaya.'

 _'Mother, remember what i said.'_

Silas snorts in amusement. _'She can know her name, it will help metting her soul faster'_

 _'Savaya is my name ?'_ Clarke asks. _'Like Heda is Lexa's name ?'_

 _'Yes.'_ Silas answers in Trigedasleng. _'You are Savaya the PeaceKeeper. That is what our people call you.'_

 _'Your people has a name for me ?'_

Lexa sighs. 'Savaya is Heda's complement, together they are sent to bring peace to the humans. That is all you will know for now' she adds with a pointed look to her mother. 'Our people do not know about Savaya, only the priestresses of Athena are privy of the totality of the prophecies. Silas is one of them. For now, i and Silas are the only one to know about your true self, because i reconized you, then i told her. Silas raised me, tought me to embrace and to become Hedas, she can be trusted about our mission. For the rest of my people you are Klark, that is all they will know until you reach your true self and decide to claim your name.' Lexa's fingers brush Clarke's cheek as she speaks in english to make sure she understands. 'Do not feel pressured, Klark, everything is fine and you have time.' She sends a silent command in Silas direction.

The conversation is closed.

 _'The herbs are ready._ ' Silas gets up from her seat, takes a large bag near the bed of furs and gives it to Lexa. They are all standing in the hut, it is time for them to leave. The elder embraces Lexa, one hand at the back of her head. Their exchange lasts two breaths then they release each other. Lexa steps back without a word, and Clarke is once again amazed at how easely Lexa accepts and adapts, departing from her mother without knowing if she will ever see her again. The Ground is unpredictable, she accepts that truth and she just rolls with it. Silas seems to do the same, and Clarke wonders if every one on the Ground has reach that level of acceptance. She doubts it. Lexa is Heda and Silas is a priestress of some sort, that must have to do with wisdom. And Athena.

Clarke shakes her head. She is really starting to believe in all of this.

Silas steps in front of her. _'Meet your true self, Savaya. It is time for Heda to be with you. It is time for Lexa to be at peace. With you.'_ She gripes Clarke's shoulders with a soft smile. _'Thank you for meeting with me. May we meet again, Klark'_

...

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Stepping out of Silas's hut, Clarke feels a little lost. She doesn't really know what to think of it all. So much has happened since Lohan – or what the fuck his name is, the Faceless wonder - came to her at the cave, she realises she's been pushed back into the crazyness of the Ground. She's been quiet and relaxed for so many months she is quite amazed by her capacity to adjust to the much harder pace she's been on for six days now. Even more, there is a thrill deep inside of her, like she enjoys being on the move again. It is an unsettling feeling, for she misses her peace and quiet just as much as she thrives in the change of scenery.

Calloused fingers brush the back of her hand, and she doesn't have to turn to know Lexa is standing next to her, her stoic face in place, green eyes scanning their surroundings.

'Do not think Klark. You just need to watch, practise, and learn from experience. You do not need to think for it.'

'Mmmmm' She doesn't know if she agrees with the 'just' part, but overall she knows the deepth of the leader's experience, and she values her advices. With a playfull smirk, she pumps her shoulder discreatly.

'Sha, Heda'

And she is delighted by the small blush creeping on Lexa's bare face. Clarke bets she regrets not having her war paint on. She personaly doesn't. She likes seing Lexa so young, small glimps of soft and easy making appearencies here and there, before the call of the Ground rings again. It is those mere moments that she is learning to cherish but to not keep. Living in the now.

Lexa softly clears her throat. _'Rider stays with you. I will join you for the evening meal'_

And off she goes, probably doing her Heda's duty. Clarke doesn't have anything to do, and she doesn't want to. She is greatfull Lexa isn't burdening her with stuff to do, and she guesses this will not last long, she may as well enjoy it while she can. Rider is standing behind, rigid by the hut's entrance. She turns her head a little, silently telling him she knows he is here and he will accompany her, then she is on the move. Earlier this morning, when she was filling up her magnificent bathtub – even though Lexa draged her out of it earlier, she still feels quite possessive about it – she spoted a smooth green grass area she intents to visit. She is going to take Lexa's advise seriously. 'Do not think'. Very well. Lying down watching the clouds seems like a very good idea right about now.

/

Her full belly is greatful to Rider and his very good idea to bring some bread and meat along to their quiet spot neer the river. She feels full, and it is not only because of the meal. She feels like herself is starting to make sense, somehow, like, if she were a piece to a puzzle, she is shifting near her final, precise and perfect destination. She feels fuller than ever, she thinks, even when some parts of the situation are darkening the picture -namely Faceless man, because she doesn't concerne herself with the Skikru-Trikru relationship, she already knows there are negociations and a shaky treaty between them where Lincoln is their intermediary. It is her proximity with Lexa, her witnessing of life, of thrive, of joy radiating in the village. It is the life here, among people settled on the Ground. She feels like, maybe, somehow, she can belong.

 _'What is the village's name ?'_ She doesn't move her head nor her eyes, still lazily watching the sky.

 _'Iku'_ is Rider's answer, always efficient.

She muzzes the answer for a while, and she decides something. Well she already has but now she _knows_ , she needs to learn Trigedasleng fast. It's like an urgency coming into her chest, _telling_ her to get a move on right now, but she doesn't have a clue how.

 _'Rider ?'_ She knows he listens. She tries not to trip over her tong and chooses her words carefully before saying : _"I need- learn Trigedasleng fast, - fast fast fast. You know - how ?"_

He doesn't take pause before he says, final _'Meditation opens the mind to learning. Singing songs and playing with children helps too.'_

Again she muses his response, head still in the clouds. Singing. She can't remember the laste time she sang, if ever. When she was a little girl her father, and even her mother sometimes, would sing her lullabies to sleep, but singing was never part of her world. Because there was no practical point to it. She was raised by mecanic people, one for the spaceship, the other for the body. Nobody ever talked about the soul.

 _'Singing is good for the soul'_ she murmurs out loud, checking the word 'sing' in her mental ever growing Trigedasleng dictionary. Then she hears it, the soft hum of the strong voice by her side. The beginning of a melody. Rider is singing. He lets his words out on the soft wind, plays with the richness of the tons, rolls his tong and belts high notes there, smooth notes here, and Clarke is mesmerized by it. She doesn't turn, for only her ears are to hear. And she listens. The song thrives, alive, powerfull, and on a long last note, it merges with the air, leaving only silence, the pure music of the Ground, a perfect mixture of birds chirping, river flowing, tree leaves dancing.

Clarke feels greatful for this gift, and she is about to say so with a look, for she learns to speak Trigedasleng with silent expressions, when Rider's stare stops her. With his deep voice he says _'You sing with me.'_ and that is when Clarke both learn to sing her soul, and to speak her langage.

/

The sun is slowly seeting behind the forest when they come back to the house. Clarke is deligthed by all she managed to learn in one afternoon, singing easy then intricate songs, articulating and flexing her tong until she feels like it's too big for her mouth. She is happy, her cheeks flush by the spring, and the memory of children coming to sing with them at some point in the day. She starts to found her pace here, and if she'd stay, she'd quickly bond with the people here. But Lexa is leaving tomorow morning, and Clarke can't imagine not being at her side, not anymore.

Rider stays silent for the rest of the evening, sharing their meals close to the fire in the commun room. Clarke is tired, the Ground does that to her. Everything is so intense, even the peaceful moments are somewhat strong and powerful. She retires from Rider to go to bed, but she stops between the doors. She doesn't know what to do, she doesn't want to intrude. Last night it has felt natural to just lay down Lexa's bed after undressing each other, cuddling and falling asleep in her arms, in her scent. Now Clarke doesn't know wich way to go, with bed to fall in. Well, in fact she does know what she wants, what her heart wants is pretty clear. She realises then that it is her mind that complicates things, telling her doubt and supositions. Her mind finds complications where the choice is very simple : she doesn't want to be alone in her bed when she can be with Lexa, feel Lexa. The question, then, is not what she should, but what she wants. Ultimately, it is her heart she needs to listen to.

She crosses the doorframe, closes the door, unclothes herself and sneeks into the warm furs on the bed. The sigh she breaths is one of contentment and relief. She decided to exercice, to master her mind a little bit better, and starts to breath like Lexa tought her to. She closes her eyes and imagines she is inhaling silence, a white pure cloud of serenity, within her body, within her mind, within her soul. Every inch of her is open to let the silence in. It is a peaceful state and she finds herself falling slowly asleep, an easy smile on her lips.  
/

Something shifts behind her, and she gruns grogely at the intruder. But when she hears _'It is me, Klark'_ from the gorgeous husky voice breathing in her ear, her body understands before her and starts to hum. She can feel Lexa's arm at her waist, Lexa's breast at her back, Lexa... everywhere, slowly coaxing herself around Clarke like a second skin. When she feels her core against her backside, she becomes very awake now.

It amazes her, the way her body reconises Lexa's, as if beyond the mind lies some partenership she isn't quite aware about. But she stars to understand, even slowly, how deep their connexion lies. It is more than the feeling of her bare skin against her arms, or the ghost of her breath on her neck. It is somehow close to the feeling she gets when meditating, communing with her inner self. It is like home, soft, peaceful. Safe.

As her mind is at peace, her body buzzes with a new heat. She had undressed herself rather quickly going to bed earlier, already falling asleep, barely taking the time to take off her shoes, pants, jacket and her bra, and now she is very conscious about the fact that she is wearing only her panties and her sleeveless blue faded shirt, which had become thin with years. She likes the lightness of the fabric, and now she likes it for a very different reason. She can feel Lexa's warmth pressed against her.

Lexa nuzzles blissfully on her neck, her breathing regular. The cuddling Heda, probably tired after a long day and part of the night preparing for departure, is about to fall asleep but Clarke is wild awake and her body pulses. Her hand finds Lexa's at her stomach, she tangles their fingers and she hears Lexa's sharp intake of breath in her ear. Guess she thought Clarke was asleep. She isn't. She squeezes their hands and brings Lexa's palm higher, slowly caressing her top, passing between breasts and finaly coming to press against her chest. Her heart. She wants Lexa to understand the way she makes Clarke feel, her beating heart becoming wild under her touch. Clarke pushes Lexa's hand to her bare skin there, at the line of her shirt, and slides their joined fingers along the edge of her left breast, stopping at the beginning. Lexa's breathing is hot on her ear, but then it is not just sound, it is touch, it is the touch of her lips just below the ear, and the press of her body radiating behind Clarke as Lexa's fingers start caressing on their own. Their fingers distangled as her hand massages Clarke's chest excruciatingly slowly, her calloused fingertips leaving a burning trail on their wake, and it is Clarke's breathing that is short now, as her now free hand reaches blindly behind, burrying itself in Lexa's unbraided hair.

Nothing is said but their bodies speaking for them, when Clarke can only feel Lexa molding herself against her back while she stays lying on her side, facing out. Soon, it is not enough, but then she feels Lexa's hot tongue on the shell of her ear and hears a guttural "Klark" so fucking sexy she knows she's wet the moment she hears it. Mouth dry from breathing hard, she just gruns, and while her left hand clings to the pillow under her head, her right hand leaves Lexa's hair to find the muscular thigh behind her. She clumsily reaches blindly, driven by lust and passion burning in her veins, and laches on the strong leg she finaly finds. Fingers burried deep on skin, she grabs Lexa's back thigh and drags it toward her own, making her straddling her hip when she feels it. Lexa's sex is right there, beyong the fabric of her shorts, pressing on her cheek. She hears Lexa's moan directly on her sensitive ear, and everything goes wilder. She can't stand not to see, she _needs_ to be able to look at her, to _drown_ herself in those eyes.

With a whimper Clarke quickly turns on her back, her right hand briefly leaving the exquisite leg, immediatly replaced by her left hand which finds it's way higher. She feels Lexa's skin so soft there, at the back of her thigh where her buttock starts to curve, and she stays there for a little while. Because she is busy with an other part of Lexa at the moment, Lexa's gorgeous mouth has all her attention, event when her eyes keep trying to distracte her from her goal. Those green eyes are so full, Clarke can read so many emotions and declarations in them, it is all so intense that she doesn't realise she stopped breathing until Lexa murmures "Breath, Klark" with a so small and tender smile gracing her lips. That is when Clarke falls in love again, and again, she realises. She never fully stops falling on love with Lexa and her so many layers. Since the moment she found her again, panting and wet in the river, it seems all she has been doing was falling. She is not blind anymore, and she knows one of the rules of the Ground. Live in the now.

So she lets herself be swallowed by her overwhelming feelings, she let it all fall out of her, without restriction, she lets it all out for Lexa to see, because she won't miss a chance at happyness. Her blue eyes stare deeply into green's, and for a moment they are only gazing, allowing the other to see. Because as soon as Clarke opens herself to Lexa, Lexa's small smile becomes radiant and her own eyes tell her everything. Absentmindedly Clarke observes that it take less and less time for Lexa to let her in, that the maze leading to her garded heart is opening more and more shortcuts as their 'bubble moments' - as Clarke likes to call it - occure.

They just lie there, lust forgotten for now, gazing at each other, as in deep meditation when their souls connect in a deep, profond level even they cannot fully understand. But their inner selves know and there is an exchange that is happening, an recognition and a vow. Never breaking their gaze, Clarke lets a content smile stretch her lips and a content sigh leave them. She is happy. She is truly happy, right now, and she welcomes the feeling with open arms.

She can tell Lexa is happy too. In that moment, they could stay looking at each other forever. It is their little bubble of happyness and Clarke's energy screams a 'do not disturbe' sign in the background.

The moment she thinks it Lexa chuckles with a knowing smirk, efficiently breaking their mystic moment. Playing annoyed, Clarke squezzes Lexa's backside. "What? Did you just read my mind?" she asks with an eyebrow raised. Lexa's amused nod gives her pause, all playfullness forgotten. "Seriously?" When Lexa's only response is a shrug, Clarke swats her ass with a demanding grow.

Lexa's reaction to the little spank isn't the response she was aiming for, and pretty soon Clarke totaly forgets everything, even her own name, while she is pined under a very hungry, bestial Lexa.

Note so self : spanking is a go. Go for Lexa.

/

She hasn't sleep. Well, that is not quite accurate since she just woke up, but that doesn't realy count as sleep. Clarke's eyes are heavy, her body is limp on the mattress and doesn't seem to listen to her. All she wants is to fall back asleep because someone kept her up all night, but that can't do. Now is the big leave, there is daylight and in the early spring there is apparently just enough of it to travel a good half of the distance. If they leave now. Which she really don't want to. She can't, really. Her body doesn't collaborate.  
Lexa broke her.  
On that note, Clark is about to fall back out of counciousness when a familiar husky voice rings in the room, somewhere near the door - which better be closed, with her being naked, expensed and with no real sheet or fur to cover her what so ever.  
"Klark" she hears somewhere behind her. It seems to have become Lexa's favorite word, she said it a lot during the night, but then Clarke cannot be the one to judge when she herself kept screaming, whimpering or pleading Lexa's name quite often too. She discovered a lot of ways to say Lexa's name that night.  
Did she mentionned she is tired?  
She is sure it is written all over her exposed body, she is not available at the moment, even with Lexa calling her name with her smooky voice. Her bedroom voice. God, Clarke can feel a jolt right in her lower parts but she can't move. Never mind an other sexy time with the sexy beast calling out somewhere behind her.  
Her eyes remains closed when she feels the mattress dips, a body next to her. She keeps her eyes blissfully closed when a hand touches her foot and slowly slides along her bare leg. She doesn't want to wake up, she doesn't want to get up. She burried herself under the pillow with a grunt that somewhat sound like a hoarse whimper. The hand doesn't stop, goes higher, to the inner of her thigh, knowingly making her sex bolt again, then moving on her ass, leaving a wave of gosebumps in her wake. "Tha' 'ot 'air" she grumbles under her pillow, still refusing the barely there morning light.  
Lexa's playfull tongue darts on her neck, fallowed by her sexy lips sucking the curve between her neck and shoulder. Clarke's back arches, her hips starting a friction of their own. Fuck. " 'ought 'don' 've t'me".  
At that it is Lexa's all fully dressed body that is pressed down on her, pushing her core onto the mattress, incrasing her needs like fire. All her body hums now, feeling the heat of Lexa, the rough material of her gear and armor, and her hot mouth all over her neck. She pushes her ass on Lexa, instinctly leaving herself open, ready to be taken.  
Damn. She was ready to fall asleep a minute ago, now her body is on fire and all Clarke wants is for Lexa to touch her.  
She humps her back against Lexa's groin again, pointing out her need when she feels Lexa's gorgeous mouth leaving her tingling neck. Her toes curl while her hips start rocking more fervently, seeking friction on Lexa's body, clothes, belt, anything, but the woman isn't done teasing apparently. With a groan, Clarke switches tactics. Since Lexa plays hard to get, getting her all worked up without finishing her, she finds enough strenght for her left arm to get back to life. With a new goal. Arching her back in Lexa's front, she opens a space between the mattress and herself to sneek her hand down her waiting sex, set on getting off all by herself. A self fucked woman.  
But her hand doesn't pass past her belly button that Lexa pushes them hard on the sheets, leaving Clarke in an awkward position. Okay, now she is fully awake and plenty annoyed. Bending her right arm she pushes back, with all the muscles she can get to work at the moment, and delivers her other arm before crashing down on the sheets again, limps inert. Her head emerges from under the pillow, tangle mess of hair, blinking eyes, teeth out. "What the fuck, Lexa ?" she hisses in the dusky light.  
"Shhhh" The woman sends shiver down her spine, her calloused fingers starting an other exploration while her body lays on top of her. "We don't have much time Klark"  
At that, Clarke groans. Even when she hears the teasing tone of Lexa's voice, she falls for it, already frustrated and aroused. "You better get started then" she mokes in what she hopes will be taken as a challenge. "Or i will"  
"I don't know what i would like more, Klark" her breath is burning Clarke's ear, one hand descending along her side down to her cheek, then around, and then in the inside of her right thigh... Her fingertips are so close to Clarke's center, on Clarke's very sensitive skin, painfully waiting. Lexa's nose caresses the shell of her ear, her body still pressing on her back. "I like the idea of watching you... but then i would have to pleasure you after seing you. And then... Well, i don't think i could ever stop"  
Clarke's hips jerk in anticipation. What Lexa is telling her sends vivid images in her overloading brain, her whole body is vibrating. "Leksa..."  
"Sha, my love." Lexa finaly moves her fingers deep in her folds and Clarke's back arches in delight. She can barely concentrate on Lexa's grinding motion where her still covered core friction with her naked ass. All she can feel are Lexa's fingers caressing her down there, teasing her clit, her strong fingers dipping in her wet center, spreading her essence all over. She pushes her ass once more, opening herself more, inviting those digits to dive inside of her. The need to be filled clouds everything else, all that matters right now are Lexa's fingers and her ready, gready sex waiting for them.  
Thankfully Lexa takes the hint and doesn't tease anymore. They don't have time to play, and Clarke's wanting body is greatfull for it. She greats both fingers with a loud moan and starts to pump herself on Lexa's hand, all her attention solely on this part of her. She can fell Lexa pressing on her from behind, increasing the pace of her own friction, matching the pounding rhythm. Their breath are shallow, all they can hear is the wet sound of Lexa's hand moving in and out of Clarke, deeper.  
"I love to be inside of you" Lexa pants "I love hearing you" She brushes her clit more strongly at every trust, efficiently making Clarke whimper on higher notes. Clarke's brain is not available at the moment, her mouth only procures inarticulates, breathy, needy sounds. Lexa seems to take it as an encouragement, increasing the pace. Clarke is glad they understand each other so well. She is a panting mess of sweat, eyes closed seing stars, her ass up to she sky, pushing herself on Lexa's vigorous fingers. When she thinks she can't take any more, Lexa's other hand come to play, pressing her whole palm flat on Clarke's lower abdomen, sending a bolt of renew pleasure. Clarke's whimper goes higher, Lexa grunts behind her. "You are so sexy Klark" Somehow, knowing that her exposed wild body receiving pleasure is turning Lexa on does the trick, sending her closer to the edge. With one perfectly timed pressure on her clit, her orgasm explodes in a scream.  
She can feel Lexa's fingers trust again with fervor, prolonging her bliss, as she keeps her eyes closed to savor. Her whole body hums with satisfied exhaustion.  
They stay silent, relishing the moment.  
Lexa's lips kiss her shoulder with a tender strock of her nose.  
"I knew i could not resist" Lexa murmures, fingers motionless inside of her. "Seing you, beautiful on this bed, ready to be taken... It was like an invitation, i was not able to resist." Well, Clarke isn't complaining. Feeling weak, she sinks on the furs, Lexa fallowing her, still buried in her. Her body lies flush against her again. Her heart start to calm.  
"It is the first time in a very long time that i found myself wishing. Wishing for more time." Lexa's voice is deep, short of breath, Clarke can hear the longing there. She isn't the only one who wants to keep the world out, to stay in their bubble forever.  
Gently, almost mourningly, Lexa's strong fingers slide out of her.  
With the voice Clarke recognizes now as the Commander's voice, Lexa says "It is time to go"

TBC

A/N

i know it's been a while, but i'm back !

i intent to finish this story, so hang on with me it's coming !

oh, and it is my first sex scenes written ever, so i hope it's alright ^^

i will improve with practice ;)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The ride is somewhat...awkward for Clarke. Except for the one time she had plonge at a full galop at the bombing of TonDC, high on adrenaline to prevent it from happening - which is one of the many topics she had to grief about during her winter retreat - she hadn't had much opportunities to really apprehend horses. The one she is currently on top of is Darish. It is a gift from Sylvia. Turns out Sylvia likes Clarke, apparently. Her stoic expression of the official chief village didn't let out much of affection, but the gesture of presenting a fully train, calm and affectionate animal says otherwise. "For the Loner" she said to Clarke with mirth in her eye "so you can find your way back home, wherever that be" her eyes had flicked to the village behind her when she said it. Again, Clarke had her decipher brain on, she understood the meaning of looks. She was welcome to made a home in Iku, if she wanted. Not once Sylvia's eyes had brazed the necklace dangling around Clarke's neck. This offer was not because she was linked to Heda, it was solely because Sylvia genuinely liked her. Clarke didn't know what she saw in her, but she was greatfull for both gifts, and she shown it the Grounder way, with a firm squeeze of Sylvia's forearm and shoulder as a farewell, a big smile stretching her mouth, eyes deep bored inter her's. A silent thank you, thank you for everything.  
Now she is ridind rather uncomfortably on her saddle, listening for the fourth time to Rider snickering behind her, making fun of her. In a 'humf', she moves her chin high, back straight, trying and failing to appear nonchalant. Lexa's soft chuckle at her right isn't helping either. The Heda seems relaxed this morning. Well, when Clarke recalls the way she was awoken, she finds herself grinning like a fool. She totaly shares Lexa's good mood. Their night of discovering each other's bodies, curves and breathless moans, was long overdue. Her own body is still humming, her skin hypersensitive, a chill waving down her spine at the memory of a very naked Lexa wriggling under her.  
She is pulled out of her thoughts by the voice of a child at her far left. It's the boy who has been protecting her when she first arrived at Iku, only three days ago. A lot has happened in so little time, she is amazed by the life she feels pulsing in her since she has found Lexa again. Everything is more, somehow. More alive, more joyful, more colorful even.  
The boy behind her is singing softly. He is still with his quiver and bow, a watchfull eye out scanning the trees, while their mounts maintain the pace. His alert posture is mostly relaxed, as is everyone else on the party.  
There are twenty-three warriors accompanying Heda, eleven from her own personal guard, the rest from the village. It is customory, while Heda is doing her spring visits all around the clans. It is both an honer and a duty for each place she rests at, to provide shelter, food, and protection.  
Clarke is learning to assess situations and people, she observes their group and finds out pretty quickly which warrior is from Heda's personal guard. Those Grounders have the same energy than Rider's about them, they seem more powerful somehow. It is not in their muscle of their skills in weaponery, it is in their mere presence. She guesses they must be very good at meditation.  
She is thrown out of her musing when the boy's voice becomes slowly more firm at her side. She doesn't know his name, she didn't have any time to greet anyone as she was shoved on her horse, everyone already ready to move. Lexa had let her sleep as much as she could, a little caring gesture Clarke was greatful for. So no, she doesn't know the boy's name yet, but she intends to find out, to properly meet those people. She is on a discovery chase, chasing as much her own inner self that the variety of the land she now lives in. Lincoln hasn't told her much about it, and anyway she already knows it is not something to discust about, but to experience. Meeting people, sharing their lives, their daily routines, their cooking or their laughs, that is what she intends to do. Not like the Sky people, she is curious, she wants to explore the Ground, understand it's harmony, learn to live with it, among it, to be a part of it all. She wants to make her place, because she knows there isn't one already made for her. She is from space, she doesn't have anything on the Ground except herself, and this thought is freeing. She can be anywhere, do anything, be anyone.  
Still, a small part of her mind tells her some ancient Greek prophecy already has a place made for her, prepared for decades or even a century perhaps, a place with a purpose and caracteristics, specifics about who and how she is supposed to be... This thought isn't conforting at all, making her into a mold she doesn't want anymore. She doesn't want any conditioning in her life. When she had share her doubts in the quiet of the night, between extasies sessions when the intimacy had invited them to revel more of themselves, Lexa told her none of it matters. "There is the past, and there is the now. Now is a moment of creation." Lexa insisted when Clarke nervously attempted to found out more about Savaya or Athena. "Prophecies and legends are from the past, they are irrelevant. They do not matter. You create your own path with every step you take. You are your own master, Klark" Lexa had finished in english, making sure her words were understood. Clarke's brain finds difficulties picking out what to listen to, what to believe, what to trust. But Clarke's heart truts Lexa implicitly, there is no questioning, not this time. Clarke is not a pawn, to be used by the Commander. Yes, she is the daughter of one of the Council members, but even if Heda would see value in that fact, Lexa loves her with every glance, every word, every whisper of smile she sends her way.  
In the torment of everything to discover and everything to sort out, Lexa, the lover, is one of the few things Clarke knows not to question. So, she believes her.  
"Prophecies and legends are from the past, they are irrelevant. They do not matter. You create your own path with every step you take. You are your own master, Klark"  
They boy's voice becomes strong, and soon an other voice joins in. Rider. His deep voice sings the words an octave lower, then two femal voices hums a melody on the background. Clarke glimps an eye to Rider and sees him nodding in her direction, his stare commanding. She feels a little shy. She knows the words, she practised them yesterday, but here is a different scenary. She is from a world where singing has no part, and she starts to realise how the Grounder's culture is the total opposite of her former one. Slowly, without breaking an inch of their composture, the members of the party fill the growing melody, some mumming, some with words, some others beating the rhythm with a clapping of tongue. Few remains silent, their head swaying slightly to the music, a content air set on their faiture. Singing, here, is a common activity. It is normal, no one is judging, eveyone is bringing something into the mix.  
Clarke can be a spectator, remain an outsider. Or she can join, become a Grounder. Finding her place in the harmony of the Ground.  
Her gaze lands on Lexa's eyes. Lexa is watching her, her own mouth moving, forming words, adding to the melody. She sends her the little smile Clarke knows is only for her, and tilts her head to the side. An invitation.  
The flush on Clarke's cheeks and the sudden shaking of her throat would have been enought to keep her quiet, but Clarke wants to free herself from everything, she wants to allow herself to be and do anything just because she wants to. And she wants to join. Slowly, she releases her grip on the reins, takes a deep breath, relaxes her tense muscles, and opens her mouth.

/

The journey is suposed to stretch on two days. They covered a lot of ground already, while the sun is only shining on the midday break. Yes, break. After pretty much six long hours on the saddle - but who is counting? - , Clarke's legs feel like... well she doesn't feel her legs anymore, and her butt has become a giant massive bruise of twisting pain.  
She feels great.  
That's what she says dryly to a chuckling Rider before swatting his big arm while sticking out her tongue. This man is bringing out the child in her, and she has to admit she is quite please to discover this light, joyful part of her.  
They are currently sitting on grass - more like lounging for Clarke's part - , quietly discuting in Trigedasleng. She finds herself more at ease with the langage, happyly throwing words around, playing with them. Her brain is adapting to it, her tongue rolling the sounds almost naturely, after passing almost all their ride singing along with the warriors. Her lips keeps stretching in a lazy smile as she lost her gaze in the clouds.  
« It is best to stretch your body now. Good for your body before horse again ». He looks at her sideways. She rolls her eyes with a sigh but does what she is told, while remaining laying on her spot. Lazy yoga is still yoga, she pounts out when Rider humpf in her direction, an eyebrow raised at her antics.  
Rolling on her belly she pushes her palms to the ground, stretching her abdomen in a relieved grunt. She moves around a few more times, stretching her butt and her legs very carefully, dismissives Rider's smirk with a grimace, before rolling onto her back again, hands behind her head, gaze to the sky. Spring is warming her skin with a gentle breeze, birds are chirping all over the trees, welcoming happyly the new season, and her heart sings with it. She is learning to recognize the happy moments, to cherish them, to fill herself with it. To be greatfull. When he was teaching her about meditation, Lincoln said filling one's self with the beauty of the now was a form of meditation on itself, called contemplation.  
Eyes still gazing at the clouds and the bright blue sky, Clarke breathes the air, filling her lungs and her inner self with the energy of the Ground. She can feel it more and more. It seems easier to do so when Rider is around, his quiet and almost constant meditative state showing her the way. She admires Rider's ability to be in trance like mood, she can sense his depth and the harmony within him, always balanced, even when his outer self if jocking. His inner self is always powerful, unwavering.  
She knows with Rider by her side she is going to make quick progress on her own journey. She is greatfull for that.  
« Thank you, Rider. » She doesn't say more than that, instead she lets her eyes express the rest. The Grounder's way. With a percing stare, he nods his head slowly, never leaving her eyes, relaying his understanding and, Clarke can read it as well, his own gratitude for this friendship they are forming.  
Without breaking contact, a teasing smirk pulls on Rider's mouth, and immediatly something flows in the air, right to Clarke in full force. With a squeak she jumps on the spot and has enough reflexes to throw her right arm in front of her head in a protective move. The projectile bounces on her elbow before landing in a loud 'pomp' near her head on the ground. She opens her eyes she hadn't realised she closed, recognize the fruit next to her - an apple. Quickly she sits on her sore ass with a indignant "hey !" directed at Rider for startling her, but of course what she gets is nowhere near an apology. The big warrior sets off giggling of all things, the sight disturbing enought to make her momentarely forget her frying nerves, leaving her blinking at the massive mountain of muscles bouncing all around.  
Her heart jumps in her chest, adrenaline pomping a little, all because of a fruit and a prank. She crosses her arms on her chest, eyes narrowing on Rider, in an intimidating attitude, but when Rider meets her glare he bursts out in an other round of cackles. There are actual tears on his face now.  
Feeling ambarassed by his obvious mockery of her, Clarke shoes him, hissing a "stop !" to him with seething teeth. He doesn't stop.  
Annoyed, Clarke opts for option B, avoidance. She collects herself, graps the offending fruit, gets up and leaves him. She doesn't turn when she hears a strangled "Klark-learn-fight-quick" somewhere between winded takens of breath.  
Whatever.  
She doesn't miss the mirth in Lexa's eyes when she decides to intend to her new horse. Of courses Heda had witness their little scene. Clarke sighs, accepting the joke, knowing full well that it is all in good fun, and in all honesty, she loves a good laugh, no matter if she is the trigger of this one. Looking down at the apple still in her hand, she chuckles and waves her head. Her reaction to the throwing fruit is reason enough to laugh, she muses. It is all good fun while she is surrounded by experienced warriors, in peacefull territory, with Heda amoung them. They all know how to fight, they all would b protecting her if need be. But she wants to be able to fend for herself.  
Her mind is swirling and she catches herself. It is of no use to think about it, she already knows what needs to be done. She is already learning and improving on the Trigendasleng front, as well as in the meditating parts, even if she'd like to dedicate more time for it, now is time to add the third composant, learning to fight.  
In a low hum, Clarke reaches her dark grey horse, bites on her apple with new resolution, before sharing the fruit with a very interested enormous pet. She waits, and it doesn't take long for Lexa to come join her. She feels a soft caress on her lower back when Heda passes behind her without a pause, a silent invitation to fallow. With a serene smile on her lips, Clarke is happy to comply. She reaches Lexa in a secluded isolated area. They are not far from the others, but far enough to give them some privcacy. Ten of the warriors surround the perimeter in a protective circle while the others eat dry meat, fruits and roots, sitting on little groups. The ambience is the same as it was since dawn, both relaxed and alert. Clarke knows there is no real privacy here, so she doesn't know what to expect on Lexa's part. The caring layer of the Heda is a very secret one, she thinks, and she doesn't know if any loving gesture is allowed in their somewhat secluded but still open spot.  
She doesn't have to question herself for long though, for as soon as she reaches the Commander she is meet by hungry eyes rooming her form. She gulps, opens her mouth with a quircked eyebrow "Lexa ?" she doesn't have time to say anything else before the sudden grip on her shirt sends her flying into Heda's arms, warm lips already seeking her own. She gasp into the kiss, and Lexa takes this opportunity to add her tongue into the heated exchange. Losing balance, Clarke grips on Lexa's shoulders, fingers scratching skin underneath armor, making her lover moan. Lexa's thigh moves between Clarke's in response, starting grinding. The friction sends bolts into Clarke's core, making her whimper, mouth open dry, itching breath while Lexa's lips descend on her throat, sucking hard on her pulse point. Her knees tremble from the sensations, and she barely register they are moving until her back is pressed on a tree. Sandwiched between the rough bark and the hot Heda pressing every inch of herself on her, Clarke's brain shuts down, leaving her wild and instinctively moving her left hand down Lexa's side, pass her belt and weapons, finaly palming her heated center. Lexa's hips buck into her hand, never stopping the motion of her thigh against Clarke, and soon their rhythm is found. They are moving in sink, with their clothes still separating them, too lost in the friction to try and change the situation. Part of Clarke wants to slide her fingers into wet folds she knows are begging for her, to pump into Lexa, to feel her all around her, but for now this will have to do. "Klark" the breathy grunt of Lexa's mouth somewhere on the map of her neck warns her. After a night spent in those strong and loving arms, Clarke recognize the voice easely. The beautifull Heda is about to come undone. Clarke's focus is blurry while she herself trumbles over the edge. She pushes the palm of her hand deeper on Lexa's pants with her teeth bitting Lexa's bottom lip at the same time. Lexa's cry of extasy triggers Clarke's own orgasm and they both are left breathing hard, trembling in each other's arms.  
Clarke is thankful for the tree, otherwise they would be on the ground rigth now.  
She closes her mouth and swallow, letting her limps blissfully relax, and burries her nose in Lexa's neck, savoring the unic scent of her lover. She hums, happy, and feels they are in their bubble once again. Lexa's soft chuckle vibrat on her collar bone. Neither make a move to distangle themselves. "What?" Clarke's voice is hoarse, nuzzling deeper into Lexa's hair.  
"It seems i can't keep my hands off of you" Clarke smiles at that, Lexa's declarations of love.  
"I don't mind" she says playfully. "I love it actualy" She takes a deep breath then, gripping Lexa a little tighter "I love you" she murmures softly, shyly, suddenly unsure. Maybe it is too early to say it, maybe she miscalculated, they have find each other only three days ago, she reasons, it is way too soon to -  
"Ai hod yu in" Lexa's voice sounds so light, it is the first time Clarke hears this specific tone. It is the tone of total contentment. Of happyness.  
"Does it mean what i think it means ?" she asks in the shell of Lexa's ear, feeling her shiver. Lexa's muscles relaxe even more as she molds herself in every curve of Clarke's body. "Sha" she answers in the same tone, her happy tone. "It means i love you"  
Clarke closes her eyes, relishing in the words. "Rider didn't teach me those words" she points out.  
"They are for me to teach you"

/

They are riding again, no mercy for her sore butt and legs, Clarke fidgets on her saddle relentlessly. Their break was short, there is ground to cover, people to see, things to do. Heda has an agenda, and even if it is flexible in peaceful times, it is not to be delayed. Winter is ending, spring is chirping, Heda must make apparences to reinforce all alliances.  
With an other grunt of pain and disconfort, Clarke squirms some more. The clearing of a throat strattles her. Somebody is close to her, she didn't even notice them before they make themselves know. Great, she wasn't attentive at her surrounding at all. She sighs to herself, she has a lot to learn. She turns her head a little, and recognize the girl from the ceremony. She sends Clarke an amused and clearly curious glance. Clarke quircks an eyebrow at that. The girl is still young. Even with her warrior training and all, she seems more of the quiet type of person. Clarke is fine with that, she had her share of noisy people back on the dropship, she likes the quiet now. Still, the girl did clear her throat as a way of getting her attention. Now that she has it, it seems she doesn't quite know what to say to her. Clarke imagines her status as both a sky person - a former sky person, mind you - and Heda's clearly assumed lover - even unofficialy anyone with eyes would have caught up with that - are somewhat impressive to the girl. 'Girl' might not be the right word for her though, she seems older than the boy looking like Charlotte's age. Maybe she is around fourteen ? Clarke wonders if the Grounders count their age, celebrate birthdays...  
"Do you celebrate birthdays?" she asks outloud in english to no one in particular. The teenager being the nearer and the only one paying open attention to her, takes it upon herself to answer.  
"No. We do not find it relevant." Seeing Clarke's interest, she elaborates. "Every people is different, they evolve at their own rhythm. There is no one the same, it is useless to count their age. We celebrate life with every breath, it is enough" she shrugs.  
"Your english is good" Clarke remarks after a moment.  
"Mochof"  
"Pro" Clarke winks with a smile. The teen is more at ease now, turning her upper body toward Clarke, her shoulders less tense. "You wanted to ask me something ?" Clarke prods with what she try to be an inviting gesture.  
The girl sends a quick glance toward the Commander far up ahead before nodding, a cheeky smile on the side of her face.  
"Is it true ? You have live on the stars ?" Her english is not perfect, but Clarke can relate.  
"No. I lived on a ship flotting in space, not on a star." The confused stare she receives promps her to continue. "My house was like a... Okay. Do you play ball ? " The disbelief she meets is a no. "Soooo..." she tips her index finger a few times on her chin before the perfect metaphor pops in her brain. "Okay. You know when in the fall all trees lose their leaves ? Imagine the tree is a star, the ground is an other star. Then imagine the leave slowly floating between them. Okay, now imagine the movement is stopped, frozen, nothing moves. The leave is immobile. That is where i lived, i lived on the leave, my ship. The Ark was a leave floating in space, close to Earth - which is a star - in nothingness realy. Just floating." She is sent back in memories, the way everyday was the same, nothing to explore, nothing new to do. All the boring nonsens of it all comes flashing to her mind. She really was stuck in nothingness, while here, on the Ground, is so full of life, of possibilities. Once again, she is greatfull for her present state. Even if her landing could have been better, safer, easier, even with all the deaths, the fights, the surviving parts still very fresh, she is greatfull to be here. Now.  
"What you prefer ? Up between stars of here ? " Clarke doesn't pause at the genuine question.  
"Here. Definetly."

/

The girl's name is Ikya, she remembers now. She is the one who kept up with Heda's energy during the ceremony at the village. There is a peacefull way about her that Clarke finds endearing. They keep talking for most of the afternoon.  
As spring is still blooming after winter, night comes early, the party stops before it is fully dark, leaving them enough light to make camp. Everyone seems to know what task to accomplish when Clarke has no clue on what to do to help. She is once more reminded of her foreign settings, the girl from she sky, unable to fit in the Ground. The thought is almost depressing, when Rider passes by her ans shoves her into the direction he is heading. The man is like a ninja, somehow he always knows when and how to keep her going. Foreward. Addapting. She can do that.  
Without a word he starts attending the horses, firt getting them off the saddles. Clarke takes exemple and does the same on her own, softly murmuring to the animals she pets, scratching here behind a pointed ear, there on the curve of their side. She marvels on the sounds they make, some bruising their big lips, some stretching their long air or long tongue out, others taping the ground... So many ways to make themselves understood by humans.  
Slowly, with care and respect, Rider, Clarke and an other woman she hasn't properly meet yet attend to the horses, undressing, cleaning, brushing and feeding them, before leaving them binded with lose rope to the trees. The woman, Ceilin, stays with them to keep watch. She knows Rider will bring her food when it is cooked.  
Their team is well organised, they act without much communications. The Heda's personal guard, that is. The others are keeping busy differently, mostly chatting among themselves. When packs are unraveled and camp fire start burning, it is decided that Heda's guard will keep watch on camp, some from affar some close to their Commander, when the Iku's warriors would be looking for game and burning woods to last the chill night. Clarke is neither of them.  
Her gaze is lost for a minute when she meets Lexa's eyes sitting beyong the fire. She offers her a small smile before taping on the spot next to her, inviting Clarke to join. She is the only one with an almost relaxed posture, back to a fallen tree, one bended knee and a hand left lazily on the pommel of her dagger. Her sword is laying at her side, ready to be used. Clarke takes a breath, a shiver running down her spine with the idea of their soon proximity after all afternoon apart. She chooses to sit close to Heda, their legs touching. Her back is to the same fallen tree when she drops her head back with a sigh, eyes to the darkening sky.  
"It is nice to be on a peacefull journey. To have time." Lexa murmures to her, her fingers starting drawing random patterns on Clarke's bare hand resting on her tigh. Clarke's head still resting on the bark is now turning toward her, listening, looking at the fire light dancing on Lexa's figure. "When we arrive to Tondisi, your time will be more... organised." Clarke quirkes an eyebrow. "You are learning our langage fast enough, you do not need more lessons than talking and listening constantly." Clarke waits for the 'but' part. "You need balance, Klark. You must meditate and increase your energy everyday, find and merge with your true self. It is important, i know you feel it's calling. This can not wait. You have to make time for it." Clarke nods and squeezes her hand in adknowledgment.  
She does feel a little on edge since she arrived, like some part of her is itching for extanding, waiting with urgency, for her to make time, to practise. To grow. She has an opportunity to grow with the right teaching to show her the way. Lexa's brief guidance the other night was demonstration enough. Clarke's all being screams for growing. Now that they speak of it, she has the urge to find the closer cave and lock herself in it to start medidate right now.  
Lexa must feel her impatience and chuckles lightly. She interwines their fingers with a quiet content sigh. "You will progress fast with the right training."  
"Will you teach me ?" She is shy and hopefull, even when a large part of her already knows the answer. Lexa is Heda.  
The Commander brushes their shoulders affectionately before she answers. "I will guide you when i can, but that will not be enough." Clarke swallows with an accepting nod. Lexa brings their hands to her mouth, kissing and nuzzling Clarke's backhand softly, careful to hot spread her black facial paint. A lover gesture, here, in the middle of camp. Clarke blushes at the attention, happy that Heda tries to ease the news. Of course she can't be totaly available for her, she can't shut everyone out, even at peace. Still, she tells her she will make time when she can, she will try to accompagne Clarke. The thought warms Clarke's heart.  
"There is something else. » Lexa breaths after seeting their hands on her own tigh. « You need to learn combat."  
"Yeah, i know" she mutters, her flushing cheeks forgotten. She grunts and starts picking at the ground with a wooden stick, her frustration showing. "I am like a baby on this Earth. I don't know anything..." She can't help the bitterness in her tone, the hopelessness she feels creeping at her everytime she is left clueless on this or that situation. There are two voices in her, the one accepting the challenge to learn, to addapt, the other wanting to crawl at Camp Jaha in the confort zone of sky technology not caring when it runs out. Now is the time when she wants to crawl, apparently. Her head hangs low, defeated.  
"You can lay on me Klark."  
Clarke's head turns so fast at that she feels her head spin for a minute, but she doesn't pay it any attention. Lexa's green beautifull eyes burn with promesses in the dark of her mask. "What do you mean ?"  
"I gave you the neckless, it is Heda's protection. It buys you time. Time to learn, time to addapt to our rules, to our ways. You said yourself, you are not a Sky person anymore, you are a Loner. You don't have to pressure yourself to be perfect, no lives depend on you anymore but your own, and your own is in my care if you let me schield you." Lexa's whole body turns now, her free hand coming to cup Clarke's cheek adoringly, not caring of their surroundings. "As long as you stay with me, you will have time to learn. Do not pressure yourself Klark, you will learn quick enough. You have already learn so much. Look at who you are now, and who you were before, look how you have grown in only five months on this Earth. You are growing fast already, it is something to celebrate." Clarke nods, leaning in her hand with a kiss on her palm and a greatfull look. A teasing smile appears on Lexa's gorgeous mouth "Besides, it is important to learn patience." Clarke's answer is a playfull groan, but beneath it there is still frustration. "Patience, my love." Lexa's nose brushes hers.  
Their little bubble is burst by the hunters coming back. When Clarke eyes the cooking, wanting to learn how to skin properly and mix various herbs and plants, Lexa's stern look tells her this lesson will be for an other time, later on the road of teaching. There are priorities, it is unhelpfull to disperse her attention trying to learning everything at one.. One step at a time, one subject after the other. For now, cooking is not important. She focuses on listening people around her speaking Trigedasleng, letting the words wash her.  
She smiles at herself when she realises she understands most of it now. She still struggles when theyr speak fast though.  
"Ikya" Lexa's voice is a whisper in the night, but the girl appears out of fine air. Seriously, she wasn't even there a moment ago. Clarke blinks, wanting to put some distance between Heda and her but Lexa tightens her grip to keep her still. Clarke barely stops herself from throwing Lexa a questionning glance. She remembers Lexa telling her her people are not stupid and know about their relationship, but she wasn't expecting Lexa to actualy assume their love in front of an audience.  
"You will teach Klark meditation."  
Wait, what ?  
Clarke's unfocused mind picks up quickly.  
"Sha Heda." The teen nods with a soft smile.  
"You don't have to" Clarke quickly interferes, not liking the command in Lexa's voice.  
Ikya sends her a smile. Her eyes never land on their joined hands, and nothing in her demeanour shows that she even noticed her Heda being almost cuddly right in front of her. It seems that the necklace has an other meaning everybody knows about. All except Clarke. She will have a clear conversation with Lexa about how their relationship will be lived with all the Grounders around.  
"I would like to teach you, Klark. I like you and i see your potential, it is written all over you. You just need someone to show you the way."  
"Ikya is a good master of energy, and most importantly she is a very gentle and pure heart. She will teach you well."  
"I..."  
"You will start when we arrive at Tondisi."  
Ikya nods and disappears, but not before throwing a toothy smile Clarke's way. Apparently she is genuily excited with the prospect. Her excitement is infectious. Clarke's energy buzzes at the prospect of starting serious meditating sessions soon.

TBC

A/N  
This is what i wrote so far, not much and well... a little slow :)  
Next chapter will be in TonDC with Indra ! And there will be some magic happening... ^^  
Thank you all for your support !


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

They slept lying on the furs on the ground. Lexa hadn't give Clarke any hint about how the sleeping arrangements would be, so Clarke stayed with Ikya. She spend most of the evening getting to know her teacher better, occasionaly sending a glance to Lexa to see if that was okay for her. Apparently it was, according to the small grin she received each time she catched her eye. Heda slept on her own, with her personal fire pit, while everyoneelse was arround the other hearth.

Ikya was a nice company and Clarke could tell she'd be good for her. The teenager was the youngest among them, and it seems that the warriors were subtly giving her some encouragement treatment. A way to boost her confidence and welcome her on the team, or something. Clarke found it cute, how during the evening some big guy would send her a nod, some other a grunt or a wink. Ceilin even gave her slightly more stew than the others, before joining their conversation in the late night.

Now they are riding again, but their journey is coming to an end. Ceilin is acting with ease and Clarke likes that about the warrior. She is used to Grounders giving her looks, some with resentement for what the call the Ring of Fire, some with fear for the Mountain, some with suspicion for her technology. It is new to have Grounders looking at her with genuine interest. She can feel the begining of friendships here. First with Rider - even if he wouldn't put it like that, she knows he acts tough only for show while he is a soft teddy bear inside -, now with Ikya and Ceilin. She has to admit, when she first meet Anya, then Indra and Lexa, she thought all Grounder women were hard. She was wrong. Not only Lexa proved her wrong from the moment she kissed her in her tent, but Ikya with her bright smile and Ceilin with her easy mood are very much accessible. Maybe it is a question of position, Clarke musses. Ikya is just becoming an official warrior, she has no rank yet, while Ceilin is clearly a horse person. Clarke found out she is like a stable girl, she is in charge of the horses, taking care of them, feeding them, healing them and such. The woman knows a lot about this animals, and she likes to share her passion. Yes, Clarke found out as well, Ceilin can be quite a talker, which in itself is so strange when she knows how Grounders value silence.

This second riding day went by pretty fast with the new friends. They are talking about the various brands of horses and all the difference there is between a steed train for war and one train for farming - to be exact _Ceilin_ is doing all the talking and Clarke tries to comprehend her fast Trigedasleng - when the forest clears, revealing TonDC. The new TonDC.

It looks like Indra decided to rebuilt the village at the same spot, salvaging as much as she could, building up from there. Traces of the bomb are everywhere, and starting to know Grounders Clarke guesses they must be taking this new scenary with pride. It is proof that they survived, yet again, an other day on the Ground, surviving the Mountain men after decades of harassment. It is also a gesture of respect and remembrance for those who died that terrible day.

Clarke doesn't have time to observe more. Now that they are close, the worriors change formation. The personal guards move with practise, positionning on two lines behind the Commander who is riding first. The Ikru worriors come next. Not knowing what to do in all of this, Clarke choses to stay with Ikya, being the two new additions to the party. She knows that if Lexa wants it otherwise she will let her know. Or Rider. From what she observed during the journey, Rider seems to be in command of Heda's guard and relay most of her orders. So, as long as nor Rider nor Lexa tell her anything, Clarke takes her liberties.

The party's mood changes from playfuly relaxed to formal, almost ceremonial. Clarke remembers the various rituals she witnessed or those Lincoln told her about. The Grounders are a celebrative people. Heda is the godess. There must be protocol to her visit to one of her clan's leader. The man wearing a mask made of leather and metal spikes blow a horn next to the Commander, warning their arriving, even though the scouts around the village must have already warn their chief. It is all part of the ceremonial. As soon as the three blows are done, the party moves again, adopting a slow pace. Everybody strenghtens their back, head high, staying in line. They are accompanying the Heda, it is a great honor. The pride and greatness is almost palpable, and surprisingly Clarke doesn't find it funny at all.

She finds herself swept in it, swimming in the sacred moment. She can feel the energy shifting, amplifying. She chances a look to Ikya at her right, wanting to ask about that, but the teenager is focused on the ceremony as is everyone else, sending her own energy into the mix of growing power stance.

Heda is coming.

/

Indra is alone to greet them. She stands on foot under her Commander's hard stare, in front of the open gates of TonDC. There is only silence as the crowd behind the village' walls watches with adoring expression. Their Heda is mounting her stallion, her face fierce as the war goddess that she is. She looks down at her subbordonate and immediatly Indra falls on her knees in the dust. This is a Trikru village, their connexion to Heda is that of a true believer. They are truly submitted to her. The sight is that much powerfull that it is _Indra_ that is showing her pledge and total devotion. Indra, the bitch warrior with a temper, is kneeling, head bow, arms open palms up in an offrand gesture. She offers herself and her village, her life and all of the lives behind her, to the Heda.

This demonstration sends chills on Clarke's spine.

The atmosphere is full of energy, it is not a tension exactly, more an exchange of allegiance and absolut domination. Heda's massive energy includes everything and everyone around, reaching far, touching every man, woman and child. She gives them her blessing and protection, as they send her their submission and devotion. Nothing is said in the silence, though. Clarke can only guess what she senses. She doesn't try to look at Ikya again, knowing that every Grounder is totaly entranced by the welcoming ritual.

Clarke counts twenty respirations before Lexa finaly moves, ever so slowly. With her boots she nudges her stallion's side. The white horse walks, erases the distance between the Commander and the general, before stopping to Indra's left. The clan leader reaches out, touches Heda' boot with her left hand, puts her right hand flate on her own chest, and waits. Her Commander bents a little, lays her left hand on the top of her head. They stay there for three respirations, Clarke counts, sharing whatever mystic energy she doesn't comprehend, the blessing gesture evident, before removing their hands, Indra standing up. They exchange a few words Clarke doesn't hear from her spot, then they start off toward the village, side by side, Heda on her horse, Indra on foot, the rest of the party moving behind.

Still a little dazed by the show of power, Clarke has to swallow a few times before she finds her composture again, then she softly kicks Danish's flank to keep up with the group.

/

Since Clarke is riding behind with her new friends, Indra doesn't notice her right away, and Clarke is so grateful for it ! If she can delay the meeting with the harsh general she is going to take the opportunity. Leaving Lexa to her Heda's responsabilities, Clarke stays with Ikya,. From the eleven personal guards, six warriors stay flanking the Commander while she walks with Indra deeper in TonDC, already speaking about clans's stuff. The rest of the group breaks stance.

Clarke dismounts rather ungracefuly, grunting and massaging her behind and her inner thighs, so busy trying to revive her muscles she barely register how her display makes her teacher laught. She sends her a playful wink, already confortable with Ikya. After jumping a little to keep her blood flowing in her legs while quickly massaging her neck, she grabs Darish's ropes then others, leading gently the horses with Ceilin, out of the village, in the green pasture they saw east of the fence. It is a task she discovered she likes, taking care of horses, and she likes it even more knowing she does her share in their traveling company.

Ikya fallows, as the girl doesn't have a clear place either, well, except for the teaching Clarke part. Clarke doesn't know exactly what shape this teaching thing is gonna take, and quite frankly it's obvious Ikya doens't know either. They are both new in the dynamic of things, both for different reasons, but still Clarke is relieved to not be _the only one_ not quite fitting yet. She chooses not to point how she however is the only one coming from the sky. Tsss, pretty soon everyone will forget about that tiny little detail.

 _'Your head is running, you are not focus on what you are doing.'_

Clarke's head jerks up, eyes wide.

'Huh ?' she asks a little dazzle. Her brain doesn't want to translate.

Ikya just stares at her, waiting. Darish is nudging her shoulder from behind, clearly expecting her to free him from all her bagage and saddle, and all of the sudden she just feels like she isn't quite in her body, like she is in a mushy cloud. Ikya keeps staring at her, hard, and Clarke finds herself becoming more aware of her body now, she feels like she is coming back to her senses. She swallows.

'What was that ?' her voice is a whisper, barely strong enough to be heard. Ikya hears it.

 _'You were out of your body. I put you back'_ she shrugs a shoulder, her eyes never leaving Clarke's. The disbilief must be written all over Clarke's face, but still she feels the need to ask :

'What?"

Ikya relaxes her stance, blinks, releasing Clarke of her stare. She sighs. _'Speak our language Klark'_

Our language. It is Clarke's turn to blink. She doesn't know if Ikya means that Trigendashleng is to be Clarke's language as well, like she is meant to be one of them. One of the Grounders. That thought sends warmth in her belly, and she knows she wants that. She wants to be one of the Earth inhabitant, fully.

'Sha' she answers strongly yet with a bit of shyness left in her voice.

Ikya nods her approval. She doesn't say anything, only moving her eyes behind her, raising an eyebrow. Clarke suddenly remembers Darish is still waiting and she jumps a little in surprise, her body already moving to turn. Ikya's hand on her forearm stops her movement.

 _'Stop.'_ Clarke does as she says, aware of the tone of her voice. _'Now relax your body.'_ Again Clarke does as instructed. _'Relax more. Breath. Breath out with your mouth and relax.'_ Clarke sends a questionning look Ikya's way. The girl release her hold, her eyes in Clarke's she starts breathing with her. Slowly Clarke turns to stand fully in front of her teacher, never breaking contact. She focuses on her breathing, opens her mouth, relaxes her jaw and let the air leave her lungs. _'Relax your face.'_ At first, Clarke doesn't understand, but then she realises she is tense. She loosens the muscles around her eyes, her forehead, her eyelids. Her breathing becomes deep. _'Good. Now relax you neck.'_ It is like her body knows what to do before she thinks of it. It fallows Ikya's strong yet gentle voice and she feels the base of her skull easing. _'Relax your shoulders.'_ Her shoulders suddenly feel heavy, sharp. With a breath she lets them drop their weight. _'Good. Now relax all your body.'_ Ikya's voice doesn't waver, guiding her in a peacefull state. Clarke's eyes are still on hers when Ikya cracks a smile with a rewarding nod. _'Good. That will do for now. You will learn more latter.'_

When Clarke starts to move and automaticly straightens herself Ikya raises both her eyesbrows. _'What ar you doing ?'_ She doesn't wait for an answer. _'You are becoming tense again. stay relax. Relax your body.'_ She waits with a tilt of her head and Clarke complies, focusing on her body again.

Ikya moves her hands on her hips, frows a little with her gaze lost on the ground, before scaning Clarke's form with a criticizing look. _'You do not know to center yourself '_ she says it more to herself thant to Clarke, as if just realising something important. She looks like she is reading Clarke with new eyes. Clarke waits without a word, a little anxious about the scrutening. It is like being under a microscope, Ikya looking for flaws or something. Clarke is about to clear her throat, fidgeting a little, when Ikya's eyes lends on her. She swallows. Stops fidgeting. She quickly realises she is tense again, and tries discretly to release her posture. However Ikya isn't fooled, she clearly sees her. She smirks at her with a playfull quirk of her eyebrow.

 _'Okay then. First step : learn to be and to_ stay _centered.'_

/

Clarke stays with Ceilin for the rest of the day, which isn't much longer. They arrived at TonDC mid-afternoon and it took something like three hours to properly take care and situate the horses correctly. They have remove the saddles, brush, feed and wattered them, talking to them smoothly. They cleaned their shoes, then, while Ceilin went asking where they could be left to relax in a meadow of green grass with enough sun and tree's shadows, Clarke took the opportunity to bound with Darish. The horse had quickly become a companion. Clarke was surprised as when she first mounted him they were both strangers traveling together, but now at the end of the second day, she feels a connexion coming from him to her, and from her to him.

'Klark'

She grunts under her breath, and quickly focuses on her task. Well, it's not much of a task as it is a pleasure since she is currently eating some really good bread and cheese, soaking it in the exquisite soup before eating it with delight, but the constant reminder is greeting on her nerves.

She's been hearing Ikya's voice saying the same thing, with the same tone, over and over for the past six hours now. 'Klark' Everytime she lost her focus, Ikya's stern warning cracks : 'Klark'. Everytime she thinks a little too much : 'Klark' . When she becomes a little bit rigid and somewhat appears to be tensing : 'Klark'.

Ikya has become her personal shadow, making herself forgotten until she snaps a 'Klark' comment here and there, making Clarke dislike her own name little by little.

It is the end of the day, Clarke is tired from the ride, from the horses, , from everything, but Ikya doesn't relent. It is clear that the teaching isn't happening on a scheduled moment of the day. _All the day_ is a teaching moment. Clarke grunts some more, swallows her wining reflex. She reminds herself that she is here to learn, that she chooses to learn. No one is forcing her to stay or do anything.

She glances at Ikya accross from her, who is tchating animatly with a man. Her teacher is so full of life, so full of joy, Clarke remembers Lexa's comment from last night. She is full of light. The girl is giving her the 'Klark' - yes, it is becoming a thing - to help her grow, to help her touch and embrass her own light.

It is for her own good, she reminds herself.

So she fosuses once more on her meal, not talking with anyone. She focuses on the taste, on the warmth, on the feel of the bowl in her hands, on the wooden curve touching her fingertips. She focuses on her body, keeping it relaxed, adjusting her position against the rock on her back. She breaths fully, smells the smook, smeels the vegetation in the dark. She listens to the cracks of fire, she watches the dancing flames. She centers herself.

Ikya doesn't stop her conversation but still sends her a wink with a knowing smile.

Clarke smiles back.

/

There is a routin of sort now. Since the moment Clarke had put her foot down arriving on the village's ground, she quickly realised that everyone stopped speaking english with her. They are all speaking Trigedashlang, whether she gets it or not.

Ikya is still watching her every move. Even more, she is watching her _everything_. The only moment Clarke is relieved of her teacher is when she is with Lexa, which isn't much. Not much at all.

Heda is busy.

In the three days since their arrival, Clarke only saw her lover in the middle of the nights, where she has the energy to open her eyes, that is.

The first night at TonDC, Clarke had been shaken awake by Lexa while she was soundly sleeping in the big commun tent with the rest of the group. They had eat together, laugh together, no one giving Clarke special treatment and no one leaving her aside. Rider had develop this annoying habit to throw her random things for her to catch quickly if she doesn't want to get smack in the head.

The days around him have the same pattern : throwing - catching/dodging - laughing. Clarke isn't at the laughing part yet, but Rider clearly laughs enough for two. For the next two days she had tried to avoid him and it worked, until Ceilin started throwing random things at her to. Wide-eyed, Clarke had stayed staring at her in disbelief for a while, until Ikya had told her to focus. Damn. They are on her hard, and it isn't stopping.

It seemed only natural to Clarke to sleep in the same quarters as the others. She had briefly wondered about Lexa, wishing to join her if possible, but Heda had diseappeared and wasn't giving any sign to her. Until the middle of the night, that is, when Lexa had wake her up with a caress on her cheek and a charming smile only for her to see, grabbing her sleepy limbs and almost carrying her to her hut. Her guard didn't bat an eyelash at their passing, the rest of the village sound asleeping as they should at this hour, and Clarke had crashed on the cosy bed, already lost to the world, vaguely registering a giggleing sound in her ear as she had fall back asleep.

When she wakes up today, the fourth day in TonDC now, she is again all alone in the bed, in the bedroom, in the hut. Lexa is out. Clarke hums but it is not with resentement or frustration. She accepts it, all of it. She is learning to be centered, and even if it is hard - and it is extremely difficult, making her brain hurt sometimes, not used to staying so focused _all_ the time - she starts to really like her alone time. She misses Lexa, of course, she would love to spend more time with her, awake preferably, but still, she can manage fine without her. She can manage perfectly with only Clarke herself as company.

With a lazy smile, she stretches on the furs. It is easier to feel her body know, how she can release the tensions, bend her limbs in a certain way as to be more confortable. She learns the subtlety of her own body, how moving a little bit makes all the difference between stiff and fully relaxed. She breathes more clearly too. She enjoys playing with her lungs, pushing her diaphragm all the way down, lossening her jaw to exheale or yawn at full length.

She feels content.

For now she is alone in the hut, she knows it without getting up to check. The Heda's hut - / tent / house / wherever she puts her stuff making it her place to stay for the moment - is only for Heda to visit. It is _private_. Clarke is the only one allowed to go there, to stay there. To live here.

It is official.

She remembers the first morning here. After Lexa dragged her to their bed, Clarke woke up alone, took her good time exploring every inch of the place before going out. She remembers the open stares of the villagers, not accustomed to seeing her or anyone with Heda, looking at her probably for the first time, with a mixture of emotions Clarke chosed not to read. She had her necklace on, like Lexa told her to, as she casualy made her way to the Heda's personal guards tent. It had been empty, of course. Clarke had been the only one to sleep late. Not surprisingly, she had found Ceilin at the meadow and stayed with her until lunch.

Today though, Clarke is supposed to get up and join Ikya. No breakfast. She wants her to be empty stomach for their 'morning practise', as she said. Clarke doesn't know what to expect, so she doesn't try to think about it. Instead she focuses on her dressing. Lexa gave her clothes. She is speaking Trigedashlang, she is learning meditation, she is wearing Grounder's clothing.

She is still smiling when she goes to find Ikya.

She knows she is a loner, she claims that, she loves that. She loves not to be owned by anyone or anything. Still, she starts to feel like she belongs.

/

Ikya isn't alone in the little clearing close to the horses's field. Ceilin is with her, which isn't much of a surprise seeing how the woman breath everything horse related. Clarke briefy wonders if she sleeps with the animals, now that she thinks about it, she can't recall seing her in the commun tent with the other warriors.

If Ceilin's presence isn't surprinsing, Rider's totaly is. The man, tall and silent as usual, seems bigger surrouded by women. He is currently sitting on the ground with his back on a tree. The tree is large, strong, with little weaves slowly starting to appear on the dark bark of it. Immediatly his eyes spot her, but he doesn't say anything, waiting. For what, Clarke has no idea. This little meeting is bizarre, and a bit frightening as she is here for a practise lesson...

There is a third women in the group, one of the personal guard Clarke didn't get a chance to meet properly. She is talking quietly with Ceilin, the horse lover clearly enthralled by her. The sight amazes Clarke a little, and she has to blink to make sure of it. Ceilin is actually silent, listening to someone obviously as chatty as she is, never trying to take the discussion back into her mouth. The subject of discussion must be quite particular for that to happen, but then Clarkes has only known Ceilin for four days, maybe the woman can be quiet. She is, actually, when she is with the horses. It's like there is a on and off button to trigger or stop the bubbly part of Ceilin, and clearly the new woman knows how to push it. Clarke will have to learn that trick.

It is Ikya that adknowledges her presence. She calls a 'Klark' her way, still playing on a tree branch above ground, and the sound of her voice is not a welcoming call. It is the tone of her 'Klark focus' reprimand. Well, hello to you too.

Clarke rolls her eyes at her teacher with a playful humpf, before concentrating on her breathing, her stance and feeling her body. Satisfied, Ikya only nods her way before leaping from her sitting point, looping expertly in the air and landing softly on her heels, without a sound. Okay, that was impressive. The girl is agile, small and quiet, her short brun hair pointing in all directions without a care, her whole outfit is close to her body, like a second skin, making her thin, able to snick on tiny places. Like a spy, Clarke muzes.

Ikya tilts her head at her, an eyebrow raised. Oh, right. No thinking allowed. Clarke sends her an apologetic grin and advance to meet her.

 _'Did you eat ?'_

She shakes her head no. Ikya nods at her, quickly scans her body with a critizised eye and moves behind her. Her hands are already in Clarke's blond locks, taking it out of her face, streching each one in a messy braid. In an instant the work is done and Ikya is in front of her again, a pleased smile on her lips. Still without asking Clarke's permission, the girl then proceeds to take off Clarke's wool blanket that she has spread around herself to keep warm in the chilling morning. Clarke shivers and makes a noise between a whimper and a protest which leaves Ikya totally indifferent. She keeps the piece of clothing with her, looking at Clarke with a stern face.

Clarke swallows. Time to work.

 _'Your mind is still strong, we will make it tired first, then you will start meditate.'_ Clarke nods before quircking both her eyebrows in a silent questionmark. A bright smile stretches on Ikya's face. _'Ceilin, Rider, Olya and me will throw you different things. Your first task is to avoid touching them.'_

Clarke's brows furrow, she isn't sure of the translation for that. _'What?'_ Rider must reconize her expression, he is the one who tought her the most, after all. He knows her 'i don't understand what you say' face. With a smirk Clarke knows well, he rises from his sit, towering them all, shows her some rock he has in his big hand, tossing it up and down. The mirth in his eyes grows when he says _'You'_ He points to her. Clarke barely refrains from rolling her eyes. She doesn't want to miss the instructions. ' _No'_ he shakes his head from left to right. No. ' _Touch_ '

Clarke-no-touch. She nods, a little puzzled by the words, before Rider adds an other word in the mix. 'This' His strong voice rings in her ears, the warning clear, and suddenly everything makes sense. The rock is no longer in his hand, but flying directly toward her arm. She yelps in a startled jump, her body instinctively moving out of the way. The throw was fast but Rider obviously made it somewhat slow, aiming for the outside of her arm. Easy to dodge.

Her heart pumping harder than the minute before, Clarke sees Rider's nod, Ikya's nod and Ceilin and the woman - Olya, was it ? - bending to grab something in their respective hands.

'Wait...'

Clarke raises her hands in an attempt to delay the exercice, but none of them pay her any attention. Quickly they spread on a loose line in front of her. Olya, being at the far left, starts throwing first. She aims for the feet and Clarke easely jumps up, letting the piece of wood slide behind her. She barely finds her balance again when Ceilin, second in line of fire, tosses her something else. Clarke's body reflex takes over, her hand flying to catch the thing. Her eyes reconise the shape, Lincoln shown her how to start a fire with this type of wood. A pine cone.

' _No-touch_ ' Ikya reminds her with this tone of voice, her teacher voice, already throwing a new something her way. Clarke dodges, bending to the right, the thing passing where her left shoulder was a second ago. The throw was much precise, and much faster. Clarke grunts at that, but already Rider sends her flying on the ground to prevend getting hit by a stone. She rolls on her back to stand, but she doesn't have time for it. Olya is on her, with an other freaking projectil aiming her head this time, sending Clarke flat on the ground with a humf, all the air leaving her lungs.

Greeting her teeth she quickly collects herself on her legs, muscles bend, ready.

It's on.

/

The throwing exercice last something like an hour. An hour while Clarke feels like a big target with flashing neon. During this time, the throwing has increase leaving less time between the projectiles. Then the speed of the throws increases. Then the aiming increases. At the end, Clarke fels like a dancing monkey, moving up and down, left and right, her whole body sweating. She is glad for the braid.

Finaly the throwing stop. She is breathing hard, mouth open, hands on her knees, body shaking. That is when Ikya changes the game. ' _Now you catch_ ' Clarke's brain isn't working at the moment, unable to translate, and ikya seems satisfied by that. Seeing her blank face, Rider calls her, tossing an other freaking rock up and down in his hand. He says ' _take_ ', before throwing the thing at her. Still brainless, her hand understands before her mind, her sweaty fingers catch the rock before it smack on her face. Oh... Rider nods to her, Olya picks up a random piece of wood, and it starts again.

So. Half an hour dodging, half an hour catching, a great way to wake up and start the day. When it is over Clarke finds herself spread out on the ground, arms wild open, eyes blinking not seeing the sky, breathing hard. She gulps air, her blood pumping in her ears, her muscles hot, her skin glistening. Her clothes are all dusty now, and she is glad it didn't rain for days, so at least the ground isn't muddy. Yes, at this point she is grateful for small things.

The throwing party is quiet. Clarke vaguely registers Ikya's voice before the pixie girl's face appears right in front of her, blocking the sky view. Her content smile is charming, really, and Clarke finds she doesn't feel any frustration or resentment, only fatigue and relief.

 _'Calm your breathing.'_

Clarke blinks once, telling her she understands. Slowly, she starts to focus on her breath, expanding her inhaling and her exhaling. Her heartbeat calms, her lungs are less starving for air. Her chest isn't jumping all arround anymore, her body is still trembling but there is a peace that is spreading in her. She can take a long breath now, holding it a little before exhaling it. She is still looking at the sky, not really seeing it, totally focused on her breath.

 _'Good'_ she hears close to her right. _'Now breath in with you nose, stop, breath out with your mouth, stop. Again'_ Clarke does as she is told, not even waiting for her brain to translate. She understands without it. Her brain doesn't work right now, which is what Ikya wanted all along.

Her breath is longer now, steadier also. Slowly Clarke finds her body fonctions, she blinks at the sky, seing it, she closes her dry, cold, mouth, her heavy tongue swallows the remains of her saliva. She moves her fingers a little, feeling them with a new perspective. She feels her whole body like it is heavy and complex, made of a multitude of composants, which is the case, she always knew it, being the daughter of a doctor she knows about the cells, joining together, creating body parts, molding those body parts together, the tissu becoming lungs, lungs connecting to heart, heart spreading veins in every corner of the flesh... It is infinite, it is a whole world beneath the skin. Her body. She feels it now. More than understanding rationnaly, she _feels_ it. She is aware of herself.

 _'Don't think Klark. Just feel._ ' Ikya's voice is a murmure, knowing how sensitive Clarke is right now. _'Feel, and breath'_

She doesn't move, she doesn't want to. She feels everything heighten. Her body temperature drops, a chill makes her shiver, but it doesn't last. Ikya spreads something on top of her, a blanket maybe. It doesn't matter what it is, she isn't cold anymore. She can stay here and feel.

First she is feeling her own body, feeling the revelation of her cells connecting, creating her flesh and blood. She feels the energy making it hold together, the magnetic field vibrating from the electrons in each cell. She is humming. She vibrates. She feels how all of her physical body is made of pure energy.

Then she feels the connexion with her surrounding. She senses the ground under her, the sky above. She hears the quiet sound of trees, of wind. Most of all she feels the energy pulsing from them, all arround. She feels the same nature of energy, the same essence they are made of. They are all the same. They are all pure energy.

Beyond the shapes, beyond the individualities and complexities of life on Earth, Clarke graps the essence of it all. Eveything that is, was, and ever will be, is born of energy. That is all there is. The rest is irrelevant. Nothing matters but this essential truth that she touches now.

It is important, and it is not a knowledge of the mind. It is a divin perception.

She feels the vibration increasing. She gasps from it's intensity. She connects, so much, so deep, she feels it radiating from the center of her chest. Something strong, inpowering, pulses inside of her, a part of her, she feels, so deep and so true it cannot be named. It is beyond words and she doesn't have to name it. She knows. Her higher consciousness knows what it is. It is beautiful. She doesn't fear it, far from it, she embrasses it. She relishes to feel it coming to the surface of herself, taking charge of herself. She feels happy, she feels whole, she feels like she finaly allows herself to be full, to be her true self. It is a wonderfull state.

She wants to let go, to stay in this consciousness forever, but she can feel herself sliping. A part of her awakes and starts resisting, questionning. She tries to quiet it, she tries to find this state of essence again, but it isn't there anymore. It is out of reach. Her mind has started again, even for a brief moment, it is enough to break the depth of her trance. The humming decreases rapidly, and she can do nothing to stop it. Soon she lost her connexion to the cells and she is just Clarke again, lying on the ground, looking at the sky. The revelation out of reach. For now.

For she had a tast of bliss and she wants to reach it again.

For now, she accepts her defeat. She only touched it for a second, it seems, before her rationnal mind started questionning and controling again. It didn't last long. But she lived it. _That_ is a victory on itself. She knows it is only a matter of time before her brain behave, before she can stay longer.

She blinks at the sky, clenchs her fists a little, swallows. She knows the process. She integrates her body like sliping on a suit, making sure she isn't still half out of her body. Lincoln told her it is important, so she stays healthy and strong. Not fully slipping on her body makes her vulnerable when she ends her meditation. She doesn't understand the mecanics of it, but she trusts Lincoln and his experience.

She finishes coming back and finally moves slowly to sit. It is her blanket that is spread on her then. Ever so slowly, Clarke finally turns her head to her right, her eyes finding Ikya's. The girl's eyes are a deep green with a touch of grey, Clarke remarks, her focus still sharp. When their eyes lock, Clarke can see the power of her teacher, the brewing energy. This girl knows the way to the state Clarke only discovered minutes ago, she knows the feeling she just experienced, but in a much better, stronger, stabler way.

Ikya cracks a beaming smile, her eyes finishing to bring Clarke back to her body. _'Good'_ she says _'you know how to come back. It is important you always come back completely before standing'_ Her stare is strong, making sure Clarke understand. She does.

Ikya breaks her serious face with an other bright smile. She is always smiling, except when she is sternly commanding Clarke with her teaching voice, that is.

 _'Now, let's go eat something.'_

Clarke doesn't know if she is hungry. She notices the sun is high, she spend the morning practising, but she feels oddly sated. Ikya eyes her a moment while they march toward the village. _'You are not hungry'_ She states. Clarke shrugs, wrapping herself in her blanket for a little more warmth. _'It is normal. When you meditate you feed on energy itself.'_ Clarke processes the information in silence, witnessing her own body and her sensations, remembering. _'It is natural to not want to eat. When one dedicates himself to meditation the body chooses to not eat, it is easier to meditate with an empty stomach. And your body stays alive by the energy you breath. You will start eating less, it is natural. Eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty. Do not eat of drink if your body does not want to.'_ Here is the stern face and teaching voice again. _'When you start being hungry, in half a candle, you will drink only hot water first. Then you will eat not much, and slowly. I will watch you'_

Like any other moment of everyday. It isn't said, but it rings in the air all the same.

/

After her light lunch it comes naturely to go toward the horses, east of the village. Clarke only waves to Ceilin before chosing a spot to crash, and sleeping soundly. She is out for hours it seems, trusting her friends to guard her, knowing the horses will make some loud noises if anything is amist.

She awakes later to the sound of laughter. Ikya, her shadow, is still here, looking out for her while playing some game with Ceilin. Intrigued, Clarke joins them and they spend the next hours teaching the rules. It is a set of multiple smooth wooden sticks with carvings on the tip. The pieces are spread all over a large wooden board with no apparent order. The goal is to take the sticks one by one without disturbing anything else. Turns out the sticks are very sensitive and even when the rules are simple it isn't easy to accomplish.

It amazes Clarke how even some simple game has an underlying purpose of perfectionning one's skills of observing, of moving, of thinking. While laughing lightly and teasing each other, trying to distract the player focused on retrieving a stick, Clarke is still learning. She learns to steady her hand, even her breath, relax her posture and ever more centering herself. She is proud of herself each time she manages to capture one, she archives each time she fails, noting how to improve next time it is her turn to play.

At the end of the game, it doesn't matter who retrieved the most sticks. Clarke's hands are more steady, her shoulders more relaxed, her breath strong. Without a word Ceilin gathers the sticks, bending them with a lace, before thrusting them with the board on Clarke's chest. _'You can practise'_ She says with a smirk. Okay, even if they didn't point a winner Clarke was definetly the loser of the game. But, she reminds herself with a pleased optimism, she is new to this, to all of this, and she is learning fast.

She grabs it with a smirk of her own, her confidence showing, before leaving Ceilin to take care of the horses, Ikya on her heels.

Clarke has been in TonDC for four days now, but she still hadn't find the courage to explore it. Since arriving she stayed with the group, eating with them at the large tent posted outside the village. Only Heda and a few of her closest guards -Rider being one of them, always being at Heda's side, so Clarke didn't get to see him much - had huts prepared for them among the buildings. Since Clarke was bounding with Ceilin and Ceilin was constantly outside at the field, the opportunity to walk down the streets didn't present itself. Really.

Okay, maybe she doesn't want to bump into someone. Maybe she doesn't want to be reconized, to be point as the Sky leader she isn't anymore. She likes how, with her Grounder clothes and her entourage, she feels like she blends in, even if her group wouldn't quit agree with that seeing how she is still loud when she walks. Even as she still cary her gun with her, discreatly tucked under her clothes. Still, she feels like she belong, and it's a nice feeling she doesn't want to jeopartize by becoming a subject of curiosity. Even if she is already attracting too much attention by living in the Heda's quarters.

Hum...

Fine, she is hiding from Indra.

There, she can admit that. The woman is scary. And even with the war over Clarke isn't inclined to see if the General has an other expression than her angry/murderous face. She very much doubt it. And she doesn't want to be proven right, she really doesn't. Or wrong, for that matter. Who knows what sort of expression Indra can bear on her face. Clarke tries to imagine Indra with a caring smile on her lips, eyes brillant. It sents chills down her spine. Even that image is scary. And disturbing. She is grateful then for the 'Klark' warning that snaps from up in the branch of the tree she is lining on, scolding her once more for zoning out.

/

For three days Clarke weaks up, skips breakfast, meets Ikya, Olya, Ceilin and Rider at the field for the 'throw exercices'. They are increasing the pace everyday while circulating around her at the same time, and Clarke finds she can relie on her inner reflexes instead of her mind to know when to jump, croutch, turn. Her mind learns to quiet and let her instinct, her intuition, take the lead. After that she meditates in search for the bliss state, staying there as long as she can. But eventualy her mind starts again, wondering about how long she achieves to medidate now, is it more ? how more ? Or she wonders what Lexa is doing, or if it is warm enough to go for a swim... From that point she lost her balance, the trance is cut to an end, and she is greated with Ikya's approving smile.

Part of the afternoons are lazy for Clarke. After asking Ikya about the program after her very light lunch and the girl each time only responding 'nothing' with her easy smile, Clarke is left with all the liberty to do... Well, her first wish is always to go lie down for a big nap, bathing in the sun. Those morning exercices are exhausting. That being said, her ability to focus has increased tremendously already. Ikya's stern 'Klark' rings less and less often during the days. _That_ is improvement.

Her brain adapts even to the language, she isn't taking moments to translate anymore. She understands without passing the words through her dictionary. Most of the words anyway. The fact that, since Ikru, Rider and her has kept their singing moments at the end of the day, is helping a lot. That, and the fact that she can read people's intentions now. She feels more than she ears the meaning of their sentences. Rider tells her she reads their energy flow, she sees what they want to tell and it makes it easier for her to understand the words. Her intuition helps her understand what is going on arround her with a new set of communication : reading people.

She had already touched that capacity early on, crashing on Earth. Her survival had depend on her instinct, to decypher once's intentions quickly, assessing threats, she 'trusted her gut' every waking moment up until the end of the Mountain. The end of the war. So she is familiar with the concept, but she was on survivor mode then, not paying attention at her inner working. She didn't understand herself, back then, she didn't have time to.

Now they are at peace and she is using her reading differently.

Clarke finds herself quiet most of the time, observing, learning. She likes watching people interact, their postures, their eyes, their hands. Even when they don't move they say something, she feels it in the air arround them. Their energy.

She hasn't realised it before Rider pointed it out, but she has develop a sense of observation where she not only watches, but absorbs as well. She watches warriors sparing, watches their feet, their fluidity, their immediat movements and adaptation. She sees how their mind has no place in a hand to hand fight, how it is only instinct that speaks, telling them what to do, when to block, when to punch in bluring motions. That, and a very muscular body sculpted to comply.

There is a desire in her own body, when she looks at the training warriors. Her body wants to be strong too. She talks to Rider about it once, he tells her 'one step at a time', before reminding her the throwing exercices she receives every morning are already making her stronger physicaly as well as mentaly.

/

She still only rejoin Lexa in the middle of nights, barely conscious enough to snuggle close to her, breathing in her scent, falling back to sleep.

/

It's her alone time of the afternoon - as alone she can be with a silent shadow somewhere lurking around. She slept her nap away like a rock, as usual, played catching sticks with Olya and now she is sitting on a piece of wood looking at the ashes of the dead fire close to the commun tent, and she is bored.

It is a good bored. Her morning was exhausting, her little lunch and nap very refreshing, and now she enjoys her quiet time for herself, the game sticks tucked at her belt next to her gun.

She is relaxing, fingers playing in the grey ashes, remains of the fire, feeling the dust on her fingertips, drawning lazy patterns. She is focused on what she is doing - the only reason why Ikya hasn't 'Klarked' her yet - , but somehow it isn't her mind that is drawing. She sings softly an improvised melody with no words, as her hand moves on it's own accord, creating random figures.

She hears someone moving at her right, someone walking toward her with an obvious attempt at making her know about it. She smiles at the attention, as she already feels who it is that's coming. She doesn't stop her hand or her voice, still engrossed in her patterns as Lexa settles next to her. They stay like this a moment, Lexa letting her finish whatever it is that she is doing, and finaly the song comes to an end as Clarke's fingers slow their motion before becoming still. It is done.

She doesn't look at it. She just blinks a few times, swallows, and realises that she is acting as if coming out of meditation. She was in a soft trance and she hasn't realised it.

A warm calloused hand sneaks around her waist, seeking skin. Lexa's side is pressed to hers now, she can feel her strong body. Her own body responds with a shiver, leaning against her as she turns her head to meet green eyes. The color of her iris is intensified by the dark mask marring the Heda's face.

A small smile on her lips, Lexa says 'Klark' in a way that makes Clarke guessing she only says it because she loves to say it. It is not convenient, it is not necessary, it is only because she wants to say it, to feel it rolling in her tongue. Clarke leans her head closer, not touching yet. She loves hearing her name when Lexa says it, the reverence and love she puts in it is like a caress under her skin, right into her heart. She makes a mental note to ask Ikya to correct her with something else other than repeating her name with her stern teaching voice – maybe a snap of fingers or a 'tssss' could do as efficiently as calling her Klark all the time.

She wants to associate her name with the gentleness Lexa puts to it.

 _'You're here'_ Clarke whispers. Her thumb stroks Lexa's cheek, avoiding the black waves under her eyes, the other fingers spread behind her ear at the beginning of the intricated braids.

She can feel it, the bubble starting to envelop them, keeping the Ground out. It is one of those little moments they manage to creat when they can, mostly when Heda can. They don't speak of politics, they don't speak of training, they only _are_ , together, sharing the same space, sharing the same air, looking at one another. Being.

Clarke is quickly learning to accept those little moments, to live them at full intensity. And to let them go.

For now they are together, eyes locked, smiling at each other, strocking skins. They don't speak, they don't need to. Clarke sighs with content, starts leaning toward a waiting mouth, her own tongue licking her lips in anticipation. Each time they kiss is both like the first time and so much more. It is perfect.

But they don't get to tast each other now, as a groumpy voice cuts in. _'Heda, there is the matter to talk about'_

The bubble is no more. Clarke swallows. Accepts it.

Without missing a beat, Heda's strong voice rises. _'Come, Indra'_

Green eyes still on her, Clarke represses a grunt and Lexa sees it, sending her a smirk only for her to see. She knows Clarke has been avoiding her, quite successfully. Until now. The exchange last a second, then Heda turns to her General, her side still molded to Clarke's. Clarke's hand falls to her thigh and she takes what she hopes is a discreat breath before turning her own head toward the intruder.

 _'Indra'_ she nods, scolding her face to a blank espression. Well, as blank as it can be seeing marely moments ago she was about to kiss Lexa. She is a little flushed, but she'll get over it. Indra aknowledges her with a nod of her own, not meeting her eyes, brows furrow looking at her chest. The necklace.

Here goes the angry face for you.

Lexa is still relaxed on the ground next to Clarke, her stoic face in place. She doesn't move her head when she says _'Ikya, go do something else"_. There is no sound proving the girl is off, at least no sound that _Clarke_ can hear, but it is clear they are only three remaining around the ashes.

Soooooo ? Clarke doesn't move, doesn't say anything. She knows Lexa senses her questioning. Heda doesn't wast time though, always efficient, she goes right to the point.

' _There are... visiters for you'_

Clarke strattles at that. What ? What is she talking about ? She turns quickly toward Lexa, and when she sees her grimmy face she remembers. ' _Lohan?'_ She asks in a murmur only for her to hear, not knowing if Indra has been made aware of the threat.

 _'No'_

When Clarke opens her mouth to ask more about the dark magic tribe, Lexa adds _'I told you i would take care of it. You don't have to worry about that.'_ Clarke frowns. _'But if you want to know i will tell you. At an other moment.'_ Clarke doesn't know if she wants to know. She is more curious about this magic tribe than worried – honestly sh aften forgot about it, to intrance in her training -, but still a part of her, the mistrusting ark people part of her, wants to be in control of the situation, not knowing what Lexa attents to do when she _deals_ with this little problem. Clarke recalls very well when Lexa had chosen to _deal_ with Octavia after the bombing of TonDC.

They have different ways to deal with things.

She scowls when she reviews the memory, the way Lexa can just order drastics sentences. Yes, it was at time of war and quick decisions, but Clarke isn't naive enough to think this side of Heda isn't there anymore. What did she say back at Ikru ? She is some goddess of war.

They definetly will have to talk about the Lohan thing. Whether she wants it or not, since Lohan is targetting both Lexa and herself, Clarke is involved in this. She doesn't want to be blind if or when one tribe man decides to contact her again.

Her blue eyes shine with new determination. ' _I want to know'_

Lexa only nods, gets up in a felin move and presents Clarke her hand to do the same. She blinks, still not accustumed to see Lexa moving so quickly, all fluidity and grace. Her stare is cut short though, Lexa wiggles her fingers to catch her attention. As always with the matters of the Ground, there is no time.

She grips Lexa's forearm, gets on her feet rather clumsily, then trips a little, sending her into Lexa's confy chest. She _is_ improving on her balance, after days of throwing exercices, it's just that her body wants to stay close to Lexa's. She can't help it, really. Okay, she doesn't try. Maybe she chooses to let herself trip.

She accepts it -she smirks to herself.

Their forearms still clapsed, their eyes lock, breath short by their sudden prowimity. For a moment, they are in the bubble again. Lexa's eyes rom over her face with passion and Clarke's heartbeat jumps at the sight of love, and yearning, and want she sees flashing in them. Her skin tiggles, she feels the heat of Lexa surrounding her, enveloping her in a cocoon. She licks her lips, ready to close the gap between their mouths. She feels like her whole being wants to murge with the woman in front of her. Her lover. Her wife.

This last thought makes her blink, her breath hitching not for the right reasons, not from want or lust, but from surprise and fear.

The bubble is no more, and it isn't even Indra's fault this time - the warrior probably knows her Commander well enough to know when to shut up and wait. It is Clarke's own brain that busted the moment. She can't believe it, she actually blocked herself from doing what every part of her scream for her to do. To feel Lexa everywhere. All gone out of the window because of her fucking brainy thinking...

Wait. She wasn't thinking, just yet, when she was about to kiss Lexa. She wasn't. She wasn't thinking at all, in fact, her brain was shut down the moment their eyes met. She was feeling. Overwhelmingly so. It wasn't her mind speaking to her. It was her heart.

It was her soul.

Clarke's gaze is hard on the ground, hands still gripping Lexa's long dark vest. She is processing. It is important, like piecing a puzzle.

There is a difference between the thinking of the mind, and the truth telling of the soul.

Lexa senses she found her conclusion for now, and squeezes her forearm to bring her back to the situation at hand. Clarke's gaze finds her again, and reads only understanding, and love. Always love. Even with her dark façade of Heda. Or maybe Clarke isn't fooled by the mask anymore. She ever sees Lexa with paint on her face.

Clarke swallows and clears her throat, releases Heda from her hold. The absence of her touch sends a chill, mourning sensation, but she accepts her lose and addapts.

 _'Linkon is here with two Sky warriors'_

Lincoln ?

 _'They are under guard at the north entrance. I talked to them. They are here for you.'_

Clarke left the politics months ago, choosing a path of aloneness and meditation. Of peace and quiet. She doesn't have the sharp mind to it anymore. This part of her life is behind her, and yet it wants to push back in.

She doesn't know how to respond.

 _'Linkon fallowed your trail from your cave to Ikru."_ That must have been easy. Clarke doesn't know how to walk like Grounders, soundlessly and without a trace. Plus, she was panicking at the time. Shit, she didn't think of leaving note behind. They must have find the cave empty, guessed she left in a hurry, and jumped to conclusions.

 _"He heard i was there. Sylvia told him you are my guest, but the Sky people thinks you are here against your will. Our relation with Skikru is tense since the Mountain.'_ Clarke knows about that. The Ark people keep to themselves, the Trikru doesn't try to contact, probably fallowing Heda's orders – otherwise Indra would have wipped out the invaders from her land. It is a very shaky reprieve about to collapse, with no one willing to build a bridge between them.

Knowing Lexa better now, Clarke imagines Heda waits for Skikru to make a move. The Commander knows the Ark people are from an other culture, and cannot be calculted as any other clan of the Ground. They are to be watch, closely. She waits to see if the Sky people will grive the war and try to addapt, of seek for revenge and try to attack.

The Commander can be very patient.

' _Now they are here.'_

Heda states the facts, her voice strong. _'They are here to take you with them'_ Her face doesn't falter, even her eyes don't change, still calm, collected. The love is still there, but there is something else to it. Trust. Lexa trusts that everything will be fine. She trusts Clarke. She trusts the peace.

Clarke's unconscious trembling subdues under Lexa's trust. Still, she is starting to be familiar with Lexa's energy, she knows there is more to it. Lexa's voice turns low, colder.

 _'The scouts saw thirty warriors coming our way. Their weapons are out. They are ready to march on us if necessary.'_ Ready to kill any child, man, woman on their way with their bullets.

Of course. The Ark people, with their ego, still see Grounders as primitives, sauvages. They still view themselves as smarter, with their guns, riffles and technology. They still don't get it. They stay in their camp, behind their electric fence, both scared and despiteful, and they don't really try to integrate, to understand, to ease their way into the Ground. Instead they take their guns and march.

To get Clarke.

And now again, Clarke finds herself in the middle of it all.

/

/

/

A/N

This is what i wrote so fare !

Not much of Indra and not really any magic stuff, as it turns out.

It's funny how the story itself decides where to go, i just fallow ^^

(i'm a little bit lost writting in past tense, i hope that's all right ;)


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The three men are standing quietly outside of the northeen gate of TonDC. The taller of them, Lincoln is waiting a little apart from the others, an other proof of the Arkers's anability to accept that they are on the Ground now. They clearly still don't want to mingle with savages. Or maybe it is Lincoln who doesn't want to be associate with the two gunned soldiers.

Heda's steps are fierce, as always in time of leading decisions, possibly war decisions. The mass of Grouders, civilians and warriors alike, opens large as she passes, Clarke and Indra on her heels. She is a force to be reckoned. The question is, does the Ark remember who she is ? Without an angry army posted at their door, maybe the Sky people forgot who Lexa really is. What she can do, how she can destroy them all.

Clarke really hopes they don't forget.

With five powerfull strides Heda stops, Indra a step behind to her left. Clarke alignes herself the same to her right. She lets her gaze travel along the three men, notes their hands casualy left on their riffles, hands close to the handles. She sees their stance, feet apart, balanced and ready to strike. Most of all she sees their eyes and their barely concealed contempt. Fools. Fools with big guns.

Thankfully they are trained to fallow orders and control their temper. Clarke can only hope their discipline is the same on Earth as it was on the Ark. As far as she knows, their orders are to find her, so, hopefully, everything should be fine.

Hopefully.

Somehow she doesn't really believe that.

'Klark'

Lexa's voice is strong, unyielding as always. Clarke takes it as her cue, she steps up, chin high. She sweeps her eyes on the group and settles on the one she is actually happy to see. 'Link' she grins at him with a salute nod 'It is good to see you. Heda told me you are looking for me.' It feels strange in her mouth, speaking in english after so many days of Trigedashlang. Lincoln smiles back, a little uneasy. It must be hard for him to be back at TonDC. The village was once his home. He gave up a lot to be with Octavia.

If Indra's tension is any indication, his defection is not forgiven, not by a long shot.

Lincoln doesn't have the opportunity to respond. The blond soldier with a sharp jaw recites in a clipped tone 'The Conselor sends us to retrieve Clarke Griffin and take her back with us', going straight to the point of their presence here. He is quite a soldier, Clarke has no doubt he is well respected within his unit. He seems to be in charge of their mission. She shivers a little. A soldier like that doesn't stray from his orders. She takes a breath, clears her throat, tries to remain neutral.

Taking her pointer from him, she chooses to speak directly as well, voice clear. 'Well, you found me.' She opens her arms, palms up, presenting herself. 'I am Clarke Griffin, and I am here of my own free will. I don't wish to leave. Did the Chancelor give you orders to take me against my consent ?'

There is a pause. For the first time since they arrived the soldier looks at her in the eyes. 'Are you here of your own free will, Clarke ?'

She doesn't know that man, she can't remember ever seeing him before today. He looks strong, balanced, reliable. After spending days training and reading people, Clarke turns up her senses and opens herself to her intuition. He is not a threat. He is a soldier, sworn to protect his people. To him, Clarke counts among his people, even from afar, she is the daughter of the Chancelor Griffin and it is his duty to protect her. She conveys her sincerity with her eyes, looking deeply at him, starting a connexion. She doesn't smile, she drops her arms to her sides and just stares at him, strongly. 'I am'

He continues his scrutening for three long respirations, then nods slowly to her. Breaking his stance slightly more at ease, he moves his eyes next to Clarke where the Commander waits. 'I will radio the information back to the Chancelor.' He turns his head to the side, giving the other soldier the signal to move out and carry out his order without delay. The soldier salutes quickly and walks away, the warriors not stopping him. Clarke briefly wonders how the radio frequencies will be relayed this far from camp.

'Would you like to drink and eat with me while we wait ?' Clarke offers, fallowing her sudden inspiration. She doesn't look at Heda for her consent, and maybe she should, she doesn't know the rules exactly. She is still a loner after all. Technicaly those men are here to meet her, so she assumes some curtesy would be nice after those cold welcoming moments. She feels Indra tense, a rebuttle ready on her tongue, but Lexa's sharp voice cuts in.

'You are welcome to stay and wait, people of the Sky' Her voice carries far, sending her message both to the intruders and to the villagers. Immediately after, she is on the move, turning to the gate, ready to move on to an other task, no doubt. As usual her face betrays nothing of her thinking when she stops to Rider. _'You stay with Klark with six of mine. Tell me when there is more'_ she orders in a harsh whisper, barely moving her lips, only for the closest to hear. Clarke sees her white knuckles gripping on her sword.

Okay, maybe Clarke should have ask permission before inviting the blond soldier over. Oops.

The Grounders are still surrounding them, clearly waiting for Heda to leave to do the same. With such a public, Clarke doesn't dare to move in the Heda's personal space. Funny how things have changed. Months ago she wouldn't have bother to do it, but again, months ago she wasn't who she is now. She was short tempered bordeline hysterical, always on the edge, walking on a clock, high on adrenaline, obsessed by saving her friends from the Mountain. She realises now that it is only the importance of their alliance, their technology and their spy – Bellamy – inside the ennemy's base that has allowed Clarke's tendicies to not the protocol regarding how to adress Heda. She remembers too well how every warriors arround had their hand on their weapon, ready to strike, if not for a stand down sign from Heda. How many times did Clarke show plain disrespect to the Commander without caring ?

Swallowing hard, Clarke feels ashamed for her past behavior, but she admetted a long time ago that she was a different person then. Ignorant and lost. Surviving. Now she is less ignorant but she is still learning the rules arround Grounder society, and she knows she sliped out, in front of the entire village. Her, the loner, the stranger, who they welcomed into their fold, trained and laughed with, thanks them by what ? Ignoring their ways.

She is no better than the Arkers.

Clarke bites a sigh. She'll have to deal with that aspect of her feelings later. Now is not the time. She keeps her composture, doesn't make contact – not in front of this crowd, she doesn't dare to -, but she sends a murmured _'Sorry, Heda'_ in the air. It is all the words it takes to communicate her remorse. Clarke speaks Trigedashlang now, she uses as less words as possible to convey her intent. With this words, she acknowledges Lexa's leadership and promises not to overstep again. Heda doesn't meet her eyes, doesn't turn toward her. She just gives a hint of a sharp nod before moving out in long, powerful strides.

In the minute after, the gathering scatters, Grounders going back to their lives with a warry glance to the Arker left outside the gate.

Clarke exchanges a look with Rider, silently asking him to stay with her, while the other guards take position drawing a larger cercle around them. She relaxes her body, takes a deep breath and reaches her center with less ease than usual.

Usualy the atmosphere of the village isn't tense.

For the first time since the Mountain, Clarke feels the heaviness of war brewing under the surface, and she doesn't like it one bit. It's time to stop the damages.

'We haven't properly meet. My name is Clarke, obviously' she says with a smile she wants friendly 'Who are you ?'

She feels a little awkward talking to the man. She is so used to speaking Trigedashlang, using the less words as possible, than she finds herself clumsy with her birth language and the subtilities of 'making conversation'. She doesn't know how to make small talk anymore.

She stretches her arm to the side, silence invitation to join her. With a nod they start walking, Lincoln and Rider close behind. Knowing full well that the Arker is not welcome into the walls of the village, she chooses an aera near by, a piece of grass bathing in the sun with the shadows of the trees, making it cool enough for the group to stay.

'I am Captain Coal' the soldier finaly says as he sits on the ground with her. Clarke observes as his demeanour loosen on the edge. He keeps his hands firmly on his riffle, eyes scanning his surrounding, but his shoulders drop slightly and his face becomes soft. He knows how to wait, a good quality for a ranked officer. His brown eyes are more inviting, ready to make conversation. It is obvious that this man doesn't want to start a war. Good.

'Have we meet before, Captain ?' Clarke is genuily curious about him now that the tension seems to slowly dissipate.

'No' For a moment Clarke thinks he isn't going to say more. 'I was stationned on the other part of the Ark when we crashed' He tries to keep his face and his voice neutral, but Clarke sees right through it. He is easy to read, his eyes are haunted, his fingers grip the weapon a little more tightly, his jaw flexes a little bit too. Tells of his loss. So many people died landing on Earth. So mush didn't even get the chance to try. His tense reaction is subtle, but as she is centered she sees it perfectly.

For a moment, Clarke wonders if all the Skaikru is as easy to read as this man. If a ranked soldier trained by the Ark military isn't' deceiving _her_ , he must be an easy book to read for any Grounder. She is so used to being with Grounders she sees her birth people with new eyes, and she is not impressed. She feels rather sorry for the Skaikru and their condescending attitude, while it is clear who is at a disadvantage in the exchange.

Skaikru has guns, but it's pretty much all they have, and the bullets wont last.

She chooses to change subject. Glancing to Lincoln she adresses to him, letting some time for the Captain to recover from his emotional state. 'Link, how are you ? How is Octavia ? It's been a while !'

Instinctively she knows it is best if the Arkers don't know she speaks Trigedashlang. They already see how she wears Grounder's cloths – Lexa's cloths, but they don't have to know that specific detail – and the small braids on her hair, gifts of her shadow playing with her student. Ikya started distracting Clarke each time she plays the sticks. Today she decided to fix her hair with a lot of pulls and twists and bang falling on her face, blocking her view, all for the purpose of distracting her attention. All the while Ikya was giggling like a little girl very pleased with herself.

Clarke refreins the urge to touch her head. Instead she focuses on Ikya. The girl is a shadow, invisible if she wants to be. She is her teacher first, but like every Grounder devoted to Heda, she is her protector second. Or maybe it is the other way arround. Right now Clarke guesses Ikya must be somewhere lurking high in a tree, observing, assessing, ready to strike if necessary.

Clarke feels the weight of her necklace under her shirt. She is Heda's. Every Grounder in the village knows that by now. Probably every clan knows it as well. Those kind of news travel fast. She doesn't miss Lincoln's gaze on the jewlery.

'Octavia is good. She was sick for a week' Lincoln tells with a knowing look, purposely ignoring the necklace for now – proving once more that Lincoln is a loner, he doesn't belong with the Sky people. He belong with Octavia.

'Huh ?' she answer with a smirk. Octavia being sick means Octavia was grumpy as hell and he loves her anyway. That is impressive. Even Bellamy, who adores his sister, would avoid her like the plague.

'She is well now. She teaches Trigedashlang' He pauses. 'To those who want.' Meaning, mostly to what remain of the Hundred sent to the Ground as an experiment with her. After everything they went through, of course the grown teenagers want peace, and they know communication is more than necessary to it. So many death would have been avoided if both people had understand each other sooner.

Briefly, she wonders how her friends are doing. She didn't turn her back on them, not really, she turned her back on Ark's society and it's stubborn limitations. Still, for the first time since she left camp to her retreat in the cave to find herself, she feels genuely curious about them. 'How is everyone ?' she asks with an eagerness she is surprised to feel. Lincoln sends her a look which says he is surprised too. For as long as he visited her during winter, she only ever asked about Octavia, not wanting to know anything about camp.

'Bellamy is a soldier now, but it is a test period, they say.' He tilts his head to the side, showing his confusion on the matter. Clarke doesn't miss the snort that left the captain mouth, but he doesn't comment, neither does she. She knows all too well how Bellamy is about receiving and _fallowing_ orders. He has more the mentality of a mercenary than of a soldier, everybody knows it. Still, he must be pretty lost himself if he tries it out. Clarkes guesses he doesn't like being without a gun. She feels the same. It is strange how the weight of her pistol, tucked at it's usual place in her belt at her back, is natural now. It is both a way of protection and relaxation. Without it she is defenseless, she cannot relax, she cannot meditate. Her friends's presence helps putting she feeling at bay, but she knows she'll only feel truly at ease once she learns how to fight. Really fight.

Bellamy doesn't have the support that she has, with Lexa, Ikya, Ceilin, Rider, Olya, and many others she met since. He is still alone, surrounded by an Arker society which doesn't accept him, treats him like a deliquent, a liability, worthless, where Clarke sees potencial weasted. To be honest Clarke would have imagine Bellamy leaving camp too. He doesn't have a place there. Of course, she knows why he stays. Octavia. And she knows why she stays. Her friends, Monty, Jasper, Raven... they are the first human connexion she ever had, living a childhood like she did. She has a strong bond with them and she wont separate from them if she can avoid it.

Clarke remembers how complicated her own relationship with Octavia is. They started to feel really close, like sisters almost, until the war. The bombing of TonDC was just a trigger, Clarke knows that now. She had time to meditate on it, on her link with Octavia, on her feelings, on which to keep and which to let go of. Now she knows Octavia resents her because she loves her. The woman is a storm of feelings, raw and unleash, most of them she doesn't realise she feels. She is a mess.

They are all messes. Each kid she landed with needs therapy. But that isn't in her hands, for Clarke took care of her own mess and she found peace at last. She can only hope that her friends will find it in themselves to do the same. She cannot do it for them. She will not go there, drag them kicking and screaming against their will. It is pointless. Their wish to change must come from within.

So she doesn't say anything, just nod and wait for Lincoln to change topic. He takes the hint. Not a talker himself he sums the on-going of the group with a sentence of two, Clarke doesn't ask for more information. Her interest is dull now. She is glad to hear from them, but at the same time she feels disturbed, uneased, listening to it.

Raven is still a boal of nerves, angry and borderline destructive, she keeps mostly to herself working on tech and not really sleeping.

Jasper is hard, aggressive, he is a soldier now, using his rage to climb up the ranks. Clarke doesn't comment that either, too stunned that any military would allow it. She wonders if the harsh disciplin aids taming the brutal man he turned into.

Monty spends a lot of time alone in the forest. When he is at camp, he is with Octavia and Lincoln, learning how to hunt, how to cook, how to fight and speak. He is dedicated, but outside of thise moments, he is silent and keeps to himself.

On and on, Lincoln draw the portrait of broken people unable – unwilling – to heal themselves and rise again. There is pity, sadness and exhaustion in his eyes when he talks, and Clarke knows if it weren't for Octavia Lincoln would have left camp a long time ago.

This is just sad.

Clarke shakes her head, clears her thoughts. Ikya isn't here to reprimand her, she is not her teacher now but a spy watching over her. Still, Clarke knows the drill enough to 'tsssed' herself. She evens her breath which was becoming too short as she tensed, she relaxes her muscles and exhale her emotions out. She centers herself once again, leaving her friends and their torments to them. She detaches from them, leaving only her love and compassion as a bond between them. She doesn't keep the rest.

'Are you hungry ?' She asks both Lincoln and the captain. It is the end of the afternoon, they must have travel long and hard. The officer shakes his head, he is still guarded and in no state of eating or digesting any food right now. Clarke can relate. Many times it was her mother or even Lexa who reminded her to eat while they were planning the attack on Mount Weather. She was too warry to eat much.

She isn't hungry herself, and she knows part of it is because of the same tension he feels. She realises her body tenses again, so she focuses on relaxing and evening her breath, _again_. She doesn't want to feel resentement nor frustration, but come on ! She was making progress, yesterday she was able to stay centered and relaxed almost _all day long_ for the first time, and now they drop this shitload on her head and she is back to square one. Well, not exactly square one, since she is still able to focus and release her tension, but still ! She would have like to stay in a peaceful environment.

There is a flash then, a quick image of Heda, standing on a hill looking down from above to thousands of warriors looking back at her. Lexa is able to maintain her center, serein and beautifull, in the most tensed situations. If she can do it, Clarke can learn to do the same too.

They're meant to be equals, after all, being Savaya and akk that.

Clarke takes a deep breath and keep focus on herself. There is not much to do but wait. She doesn't know what to talk about, small talk is beyond her now, so she centers herself and listens to her inner voice, her intuition. Ikya taught her a little about it, how, when in doubt or facing a choice, she can find a meditate state where she'll receive an answer. The right answer. The answer of her soul. Savaya. Clarke isn't sure if she wants to talk with this part of her yet. She admits, she is afraid, this concept is intimidating to say the least and honestly she doesn't know how to even begin to contemplate the aspect.

Still, even with some apprehension, she tries to close the bridge between her conscious self and her inner self, opening a line of communication.

It's not that easy.

She breaths and relaxes, opens herself to her intuition, but nothing comes. No idea poping from nowhere, no inspiration of a conversation whatsoever, it is just blank and quiet. Peacefull. She supposes she can do that, at least. Be at ease while she waits.

Lincoln is okay with the silence, as usual he doesn't try, he doesn't shut down either, he just waits. Clarke glances toward him and takes her cue from him. The soldier is immobile as well, but even with his previous tension off his posture is still rigid, his hand near the trigger, jaw clipted. Sitting side by side, Lincoln and Captain Coal are the perfect exemple of the differences between their people. In the face of the same situation, one is at ease, totally conscious of his body and takes advantage of the pause to relax and recharge, when the other slowly builds up frustration, crispation and restlessness, itching to act, unable to pause. The gap between them is baffling and slightly alarming for the survival of Skaikru.

From the corner of her eyes, Rider sends her a look, a warning. Movement coming from the trees. The Grouders guards among them doesn't acknowledge it, piercing eyes scanning the area with practise ease. They must have heard a signal from their scouts, telling them whoever is coming is no threat. Not yet.

The silhouette emerges from the forest, it's the other soldier charged to contact camp. His face is grim, doesn't betray anything except his obvious disgust at being here. If the captain seems adamant to peace, the younger man isn't. Nobody tenses arround him, but Clarke knows the guards enough to feel their eyes on him, gauging the possibility for him to go trigger crazy. They all remember the Finn incident vividly. No one wants a repeat of the massacre a single weapon can bestowed upon an entire village.

Finn was one of the ghosts she delt with in the cave. Clarke reached the hard conclusion that this man, no, this boy, that she liked and could have loved with time, was the only responsible for his fate. She turned and turned the issue in her head, over and over, reviewed all the facts, what she witnessed and what her friends told, and each time she found the same answer. For one reason or an other - maybe too much exhaustion, worry, starvation, sleep depravation... who knows ? -something clicked in him and the sweet boy he once was became a mass murderer in minutes. Finaly, being in survival mode took it's toll and he couldn't live like that anymore. Hunted, hunting, killed or being killed, the absurdity of it all made him slip. There was no return from that.

'The Chancelor gave her answer, sir' the soldier stands tall, avoiding everyone but his captain. 'She wants to talk to her daughter in person. She waits at the radio point for contact.'

Clarke eyes the exchange and struggles to keep calm. Her brain wants to take over, thinking about scenarios, strategies, misleading and traps. She feels alarm growing in her belly, but she keeps it down and breaths, because she knows she isn't alone. Rider, Ikya hided close by, and all the guards, all the village, would protect her and take care of her. Because she is Heda's, everybody knows that. A steady look from Lincoln tells her he will protect her as well, even if he isn't welcome to Trikru anymore, he is still true to Heda. He is still a Grounder.

She reminds herself all the support she has now, she is confident that Lexa wouldn't let her alone with any of them if she wasn't in good company. 'My gift to you is to give you my protection, so you can be just Klark, so you can be a loner with no clan, in search for your true self, not concerning yourself with anything else. I will protect you Klark, as long as you need.' Lexa's strong voice from their time at Iku rings in her heart, a rock under her feet, a shalter above her head, a warmth to keep her safe. She is safe. Everything is fine. Breath.

She doesn't have to do anything, it isn't in her hands to make decisions and she doesn't want to, not regarding to this. All she wants is to be left at peace, keep practising with Ikya, being teased by Rider, being loved by Lexa, and discover always more about herself. The rest, the Ark, the clans, all of that doesn't matter to her, she doesn't want it to matter. She wants to stay in her bubble and let the others take charge. It is strange to see how much she's changed in the past months. Never before would she have let someone else take care of things regarding her, she would have jump, storm, demand... All this exhausting energy isn't appaling anymore. She only wants peace.

So she waits. She watches Rider noding to a warrior – Zy, one of Heda's personal guards, slim and fluid, he is one of the closest to her. Zy takes off to the gate, probably to warn Heda of the new revelation. Clarke observes then that all the standing warriors guarding her are from Heda's closest personal guards. They are her best warriors, picked out from different clans by their own chosing. They are the must centered, the must in tune to their surrounding and their intuition, the must reflexive and the must skilled in combat. She knows this because she watches them train every afternoon while Rider explains to her the unprecedent of the unit they form. Being all from different backgrounds, brought together by Heda, for Heda, because they want to be around her, they thrive to be her personal guard. It is a great honor, one that is not given lightly, for Heda chose only few among many volonters. They are the best and the more loyal, and Lexa left them with Clarke, to take care of her in her stead. Juny, Kyo, Rigo, Serik and Aura stay alert, ready to strike, Rider close to her with his easy demeanour. She can relie on all of them.

She is suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude and she has to blink a few times to not cry and hug her friend on the spot. Later, though, defenetly later.

Captain Coal seems to understand he has to wait for the Commander before taking his next move. Clarke doesn't say anything, doesn't move. Like everyoneelse, she waits.

Finaly Heda appears, flanked by her general and what remains of her personal guard. She doesn't need them, but she wants to make an impression. Her powerfull stance stops , her long coat flots around her legs, her fierces eyes first land on Clarke's form, scanning her for any hint of either wounds or disconfort, before assessing her 'guests'.

'You have an answer' she states. Her domination of the exchange is clear to everyone involved. She is in charge.

Captain Coal is standing facing her, his hands still on his weapon, the other soldier right behind him, his stance slightly more tense. 'The Chancelor demands to speak with her daughter on the radio'

Heda nods once, not moving or saying anything. The Arker doesn't take the hint. Clarke is about to interfere when it is Lincoln who speaks. 'Heda' his tone is revering, he clearly pledges his alliance to her still, 'their radio can not be used here'

'The signal ends two miles from here, up west' Coal adds. 'She'll have to come with us'

At this Lexa tenses. It is very subtle, only few practised eyes can see it, but Clarke is in tune with her. Somehow, her search for her inner self made them connect in a profond level she doesn't quite understand. Still, without manual she is able to feel the most disturbed waves of Heda's energy. Something in her, probably the Savaya part, wants to reach out, to answer, to sooth and support her.

The personal guards know their Heda well too. After years of combat side by side, they can sense her intent and act accordingly. That is part of what makes them the best team, fighting as one on the field.

Every Grounder present witness Heda's tension, while the two Arkers remains clueless. To them, the Commander is stoic, unreadable as ever. Out of reach.

'Klark ?' Heda calls, her gaze never leaving the Captain. 'Do you want to talk to the Chancelor ?'

'I'm okay with talking to my mother, but... I don't want them to abduct me or trigger a war by misbehaving.' She shruges, her eyes sending a message to Lexa. She doesn't want to leave TonDC's ground. She doesn't trust them enough for it to be safe and easy.

The soldier clenches his jaw but doesn't say anything. It is not his place to talk. Clarke can only hope he remains true to the chain of command.

'We will do nothing of the sort' Captain Coal affirms with a clear look on his face, an honest answer. He seems reliable enough, but Clarke is no fool, neither is Heda. The Commander has lived through many wars and diplomatics tactics. They knows the decision is not in Coal's hands. He only fallows orders, and orders can change once the situation is at their advantage. For now, they are outnumbered, but at the radio point the table can turn. What remains of the thirty soldiers previously reported by the scouts are most likely keeping camp there.

'Klark is under my protection. I can not trust your good word on that.'

Coal greets his teeth. 'Don't talk about trust after what you did at Mount Weather'

And there it is, the bitter resentment.

'This is not about the Mountain' Heda shots back, her tone slightly bored and unyielding. 'It is about Klark and what she wants. She agrees to talk to her mother, she doesn't want to come with you to the radio device.' She states the facts, voice neutral again. 'Find an other way to communicate' she says as if it is an obvious conclusion to reach. And it is. It makes perfect sense. The Skaikru are the one wanting to contact Clarke, not the other way around. It is their prolem to solve.

After a pause Heda tilts her head slightly to the side. 'Surely you can do that ? Bring the radio to her here, or maybe Klark can write a letter. Whatever it is you choose, Klark stays here, where she wants to be' she adds with a final say.

Captain Coal frowns, not happy with the answer. He glances to Clarke's direction, his intent to grab her and be done with it written on his face. Clarke takes a step back, closer to Rider, trusting him to shield her if necessary. Her reaction shocks both soldiers, and they realise probably for the first time that she really choses the Trikru over their own. Coal looks at her with new eyes. He finaly sees her as the loner she wants to be. She is not one of them anymore.

The tension doesn't leave their bodies. The Captain's eyes are almost cold when he looks at her. 'Very well then. I'll relay the intel to camp' his clip tone is void and he doesn't wait for an answer. He turns on his heels and walks out, his soldier at his side, they diseappear in the forest, Lincoln's unsure's form fallowing behind, a quiet apology on his face. Clarke watches them leave with a knot in her belly. She doesn't like this, doesn't like it at all. Heda is watching too them. They both know it is far from over.

/

Clarke has retreat in the hut as soon as the soldiers left. She is too troubled to take Ikya's remark to stay centered and relaxed. She cannot relax, not after that. Her whole body is tensed as she paces back and fourth at the foot of the bed. She is relentless, she is panicking and she knows it, yet she doesn't stop it. She can't. She feels like an animal, trapped in a cage, waiting to be gutted, skinned and cooked, unable to do anything about it. It is irrational, it doesn't make sense, but she feels like Coal's hands are closing in on her, suffocating her, with Abby standing above them watching with a pleased smile.

This is sick.

The image makes her want to throw up. Her heart pump freneticly in her chest, her whole body is out of control, full on panick mode when Lexa enters the hut, running to her.

The Heda's stoic face is gone, leaving a gentle Lexa trying to coarce Clarke to calm down. If the situation wasn't freaking her out, Clarke would find her cute. But as it is, Clarke can barely focus as the trembling increases. Lexa watches her a handfull of seconds, probably assessing what to do to calm Clarke, before she closes the distance in the same desperate run that she took to came here, to join her.

She closes the distance in an instant and envelops her in a fierce, bone-crushing hug, the kind of hug they both need. The pressure of Lexa's body all around her, her unic powerful scent is all it takes to make Clarke hugs her back, hands clinging to fabric, never wanting to let go. She burries her head in Lexa's neck with a shiver and whimpers her anguish in a choking cry.

Lexa doesn't say anything, she just hugs her harder, loves her stronger. Clarke feels warm inside and out, bathing in all Lexa, and she feels Lexa doing the same. They are both weak together, strong together, feeding of each other's love. Together.

They stay like this for long, breath the same air, clunching at each other. They share their love and silent support as well as their promises. They will do what it takes to stay together. Even if it means war.

/

/

TBC

/

/

A/N

As usual now, the story goes it's own way ^^

New chapter will hopefully be about the magic tribe, it starts this way as far as i can tell.

Thank you for your kind reviews !

I edited it quickly, hope there is not much mistakes

:o)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

'It is the Jukt tribe's work at play. I can feel it like a spiderweb around the Skaikru. Your mother is only a pawn they manoeuvre to their means. To start an other war.' Lexa sighs. 'The first thing to do is to cut their influence on Skaikru, othervise any negociation is fated to fail and escalate.'

Lexa's voice is soothing, her hand strokes Clarke's hair in a slow rhythm. They are laying on the furs of the bed, Lexa on her back with Clarke tucked into her right side as they became accustomed to over the nights. They didn't loosen their embrace once since they hugged hours ago. Heda remains in her hut, closed to the outside world, leaving all matters for Indra and Rider to deal with. She is only to be disturbed if the Skaikru comes back.

It is the first time they speak since entering the hut. Lexa's voice is soft, reassuring, her strong arms firmly surrounding Clarke. Clarke feels safe here, in her embrace. Still, now that her previous emotions are eased, she realises they cannot be selfish and stay together no matter what. If the Skaikru comes for her with no new option of communication with the Ark, she will have to agree and come with them. This very idea to fallow them out of TonDC, out of her new environment, makes her cling on tighter.

'You have to find the Jukt tribe then ?' she asks in the silent, trying to avoid the path her thoughts are taking her. Her brain is very creative with scenarios which can come from bad to worse. She focuses on breathing instead. She breathes Lexa.

'Sha' They are speaking english for this conversation, now is not the time for teaching. Clarke must fully understand the variables of the situation and the choices to make about it.

'They are very good at hidding, but I have my instinct to guide me, and my priestresses to join me on the hunt. They cannot hide from my sight when I meditate in the astral plan.'

Clarke doesn't say anything. She doesn't understand the idea of invisible energy and astral plan yet, and she isn't about to ask now. Now, she doesn't care. Lexa says she can find them, that is all that matter.

'What will you do ?'

Lexa drops a kiss on her forehead. 'I am to stay at Tondisi six days more, then I am to leave and go visit the Farkru. I can postpone the meeting a little, but not much. We don't have much time.'

She continues the strokes of Clarke's hair a little, letting the silent settle once more. She plays with the braids she finds and hums her assent of the coiffure.

'I do not have time to go visit the Skaikru, I will send someone else in my place. A representant. Maybe Rider. He is used to being my second in command, he knows my way and what I want. I can trust him with my vision.'

'You don't have to send anyone' Clarke points out with a frown. After all, they only want for Clarke to talk to her mother, it is only a family matter getting out of proportion. She hears Lexa sighs in a low chuckle.

'I know you, Klark. If the Skaikru want to take you with them you will think about going. You don't want a war.'

'I...'

Clarke is torn inside. Part of her doesn't want to do anything, only practise her meditation, her langage, and soon her training in fighting. She doesn't feel concerned or obligated to answer to anyone. She is a loner. But there is an other part in her, deeper, like a blanket in the sanctuary of herself. She knows enough about meditation now to know it is the inner part of her, her true self. Savaya. The peacekeeper. Deep inside of her, in the root of her being, she yerns for peace, like it is the only air she can breath fully, the only air that will bring her absolute happyness.

'You don't have to decide now, Klark. No matter what you chose for yourself, the Jukt is using Skaikru like puppets, and I cannot let that happen. That is why I will send a delegation to their camp. I must start the communication. I believe enough time has passed since the Mountain now. I believe that now they know you are here, with me, by choice, they will consider talking to us again. I must believe that they are intelligent enough to realise I didn't attack them when they were living their first winter, when they were weak, an easy target to erase. That none of my warriors attacked them, because I _protected_ them. I must believe they realise I let them be, while they are staying in _my_ land, in my home.' Lexa's tone grows hard at her last sentence, but she pauses and releases a breath. Her body relaxes and she kisses Clarke's blond hair.

'I must believe that they are not fools. Otherwise they will die here, one way or an other.'

Clarke blinks back the tears threatening to emerge. She feels so sad for her former people, for their blindness. Yes, she thinks, they are fools, and she honestly doesn't know if there is any future for them, not as a people, not as...

'They can't survive while they are together. There are isolated, unable to ease themselves into your society.' Clarke realises as she speaks.

Clarke's vision of the situation changes, she is like an eagle flying up above ground, seeing the past, the present and the future. She sees one path that can bring peace and abondance to all.

'They need to split up.'

She sits on the bed, eyes wide with her coming idea. Her intuition is giving her the answer she wasn't even looking for. She says the words without thinking them, without analysing them, she just lets them flow out of her. Out of Savaya. She can feels the wisdom blooming inside of her chest.

'The Ark is dead. We are Grounders now, but they need to know what that mean, they need to feel it. Together, they stay outsiders, people from an other time, from an other culture. Together they will die, because they don't feel the spark, the want to explore, to learn. They think that together they are strong, but they are weak, a dying civilisation. It is good to transform, to adjust, to adapt. They cling on to the past, to who they were before Earth, but they are not confin in a box now.'

She shakes her head. 'Look at Octavia, how she went and explored all by herself, how she was accepted by the Ground. When she went alone. Look at me. I went alone too, looking for you, looking for the Ground to teach me. I am accepted by your people now. I think...'

She brings a hand to her chest. 'No, I _feel_ that it is the solution.' As the words flow she goes deeper in herself, fallowing the sudden trance of her revelation. 'Individuals. They must become individuals. And go to explore, seak adventure and friendship outside of their own. Alone.'

Clarke raises her head, meets Lexa's intense eyes. They look at each other as her breathing calms and her trance releases her from the deep. Green iris are her anchor, taking her to shore. Finally, she swallows and smiles slowly. Lexa nods and smiles back at her. She opens her arms in a silent invitation that Clarke accepts greedily. She feels a little cold, like always when she meditates. She feels at peace too, even though the message Savaya just gave her wasn't specific on the 'how'. She sighs.

'I don't see how that helps'

Lexa strokes her skull again.

'It is a good answer, Savaya' she murmurs with a quiet confidence. 'It is the better path for them if they want to live and find happyness in peace. My time for war is over, it is time for your peace to thrive.' She nods. 'I hear your guidance and I agree with it.'

The tone of her voice is one of a leader talking to her equal. Lexa is talking to her with such an ease, like it is absolutly normal for Clarke to speak like that. But maybe, to Lexa, it is normal. Lexa is connected to Heda all the time, so those type of 'illuminations' like Clarke just had in their bed must be current for her.

Clarke isn't used to it though, so she stays silent and sinks deeper into Lexa's side, wordlessly seeking the confort of her presence. She feels lost and confused by all of this, the Ark business mixt with the deity. She choses to remain silent and to listened to Lexa, she will know what to do with 'Savaya's message'.

'It is a choice everyone must make on their own, it can not be forced on them, it can not be talked on them. They must decide to go into the wild alone.' Lexa says with a nod to herself next to Clarke's head. 'Now is not the time for it' she adds as an afterthought. 'But soon they will be able to go outside of their cage.'

Clarke's mind shows her the electric fence she knows is surrounding the camp. A cage, indeed. A way to keep the danger out, but also a way to keep the _change_ out as well.

'Niko should come with Rider to the Ark' she suggests spontaniously, fallowing once more her intuition. 'I know my mom is intrigued by your medecine, she told me she was curious about it when she helped curring the reapers back into men after the Mountain.'

There actually had been a short moment of reluctant communication between Camp Jaha and a small group of Grounders after the Mountain war. Families had set camp with the hope the miracle cure would be given despite their Commander's orders to not seek contact with the Skaikru. Lincoln had guided Abby to the small camp of refugies, he had served as a translator for the families who did not speak english. It was a dead langage, after all. Even with the betrayal, Abby was a doctor with what she called a 'moral code', so she helped.

Clarke sometimes wonders how can anyone be fooled by this pretended maturity after every bullshit the woman pulled both in space and on the ground. Whatever, it's not her problem if people chose to see what they want about her mother and conveniently forget the rest.

She breathes. She doesn't want to be emotional right now, in the cocoon of Lexa's arms.

'My mother would be happy if Niko shown her medical plants and some remedies. I know she came to respect him, and for once she wasn't looking at a Grounder with her usual despite'

Abby's condescension was maybe subtle to most, but Clarke knows her mother too well to miss the rigid posture, the sided glances and slight remarks thrown here and there with an innoncent air.

'It is a good idea' Lexa's low voice agrees in the quiet of their hut. 'For people to want to go outside and explore the Earth, they must find the spark, as you said, the want. Your mother likes medecine, she wants to explore that. It is a good idea' she repeats with a nod.

They both know that once the Chancellor is hooked and opened to the Ground, other Arkers will allow themselves to explore as well. They still copy their behaviour according to those of the elit.

Clarke tries not to roll her eyes at that. She doesn't want to by emotional right now, she doesn't want to fell angry, ashamed, or judgemental, or even sad for the Skaikru. They are what they are, and it is their choice to make. She must detach herself from them, their situation and their lives doesn't concern her. She is a loner now.

She thinks of the eagle, able to fly high above the scenery, aware of all that stands under him, but unaffected by it. Unreachable. Ultimately what happens to others doesn't stop him from flying. Free.

'If I go with them, if she sees me, she will be in mother mode, she will not care about Niko, she will not care about medecine, about exploring anything. She will want to grab be and never let go. Her behaviour with me makes her closed off.' Childish and immature, she thinks for herself. 'My presence there will be of no help, on the contrary.'

Clarke knows she is right. How many times Abby acted like a lunatic when it came to her daughter ? And yes, maybe it is normal for a parent to act this way, but Clarke tries to be the eagle, to see the big picture. It is not about her relationship with her mother, not really. Lexa is right, it is about the relationship between the Skaikru and the Ground. Abby's wish to talk to her daughter is just an excuse. The real stakes are others, she can see that now. It will not be constructive if she goes. Besides...

Clarke nuzzles her nose in Lexa's neck, relishing on her scent.

'I don't want to leave here, to leave you. I am happy here, here I am only Klark' she says with the Grounder accent she came to love and replicate. 'And I want to stay just Klark.' She sighs. 'If I go back there, it helps no one, not in the long run.'

She moves her back a little and looks at Lexa in the eyes.

'I feel that my place isn't to go with them. I feel like my head wants to tell me to go, to be rational, to calm my mother down and prevent a war. It is my reason talking and I see it's point, I do. But it is a short answer to a bigger problem, like putting a small bandage on a giant wound, it doesn't stop the blood from leaking out. Me going there maybe is the rational answer but it is a superficial answer. When I _feel_ about it, I feel that I must stay here, with you, with Ikya, and learn more. I have much to learn, and I _feel_ the urgency to learn as fast as I can. I don't have time to spare by being pulled back into the Ark and their ways. I don't want to.'

She swallows and turns on her back, looking at the celling. 'It is strange, to hear two voices inside of me', she muses, 'but I know now which one is the wiser, I can tell the difference now. Thank's to you. Thank's to Ikya. I am not a fool anymore, I know my path is to focus on closing the gap between me and Savaya. I can sense how wise and peacefull that part of me is. My true self. I want to reach that, I want to be her. Me. Myself as I should be.'

She shakes her head with a giggle. 'There is potentially a war coming, but when I feel Savaya I don't care. I _know_ it will be okay. I don't know _how_ , but I know peace is growing, war is resting. Everything will be fine.'

Lexa chuckles beside her. The Commander stretches her limbs lazily before rolling on top of Clarke with a playfull glint in her eyes.

'Lightness suits you Klark'

She drops a kiss on her lips and lingers a little before withdrawing.

'I will take care of the Jukt tribe, Rider will take care of the Skaikru' She sums it up with the practise efficiency of the leader she is. Clarke nods.

'And I will write a letter' Clarke rolls her eyes with an exagerated sigh 'A _long_ letter. I will tell my mom how I am, what I do, how I am happy here and why I want to stay. Bla bla bla. She knows my writing, she will know it's me. As for her questioning if I am being forced to write it, or being manipulated by you, well...' She shrugges. 'I guess we could suggest Captain Coal to stay with us for a little while, in the village. He could watch me going around my usual routine and decide if I am a prisoner or not. What do you think ?'

Lexa only nods and lowers her head. Her lips carress the sensitive skin under Clarke's ear, and suck a little. Her warm tongue sends shivers down Clarke's spine.

'I'll write the letter later' Clarke's voice comes out low as she grips Lexa's hips, bringing her closer. She loves the feeling of her weight on her.

All of her senses are high, her body responding to Lexa's ministrations like an instrument only for her to play. Lexa is a skilled musician. It is not long before the first moan escapes Clarke's throat as the Commander's teeths scratch the pulse point on her neck. Clarke's fingers clutch at clothes, too much clothes. She yerns for velvet skin to stroke, to scratch. To bite.

'Fuck' she bucks her hips against Lexa as her hands already work on getting her lover out of her dark clothes. It amazes her, how even the slithtest touch of Lexa ignits fire in her veins. The lust pumps in every cell of her body, and Clarke _want_. Now. For the past several days since arriving at TonDC Clarke has been too exhausted or too asleep to do anything but cuddle with Lexa. Their time together is rare and needs to be cherish.

Lexa's heart is out of its maze now, it is fully committed to their relationship and to their love, it is true in every touch, in every glance, in the very air they breath together. In sync.

When Clarke looks at Lexa's eyes, she sees the human, young and beautiful, and she sees the soul, ageless, powerful and eternal. Those are two faces of the same coin, the faces of Lexa Heda. And as she truly sees the depth of her lover laying above her, boring her with desire and love, Clarke can feel the same duality living within herself. She is both a human woman learning on the Ground, and an ancient spirit ready to be freed.

When they look at each other, they see the absolut of their truth, and nothing in between. There is nothing else.

Lexa stares at her with passion in her green eyes, her swollen lips ready to take her. Her breath is hot and heavy, she is panting above Clarke, beautiful with soft wildness. Her warm, callous hands slide under fabric, Clarke hitches a moan, her belly shivers at the touch. Lexa's hands are bold, her nails leave trails of need as they dig at Clarke's lower abdomen, sending bolts of want into the her core. Clarke is ready for her, they both know it, but this is not about it. This is about want, desire. Longing.

Clarke can read it in her eyes, Lexa intents to make it last.

Clarke grunts when Lexa's fingers leave her abdomen to slowly climb their way up to her chest, stopping right under her breast. Lexa's eyes never leave her as she licks her lips with promises in her bright iris. She is hovering above her, her face so close but too far away, her lips like a bait waiting for her prey.

Clarke can only see those lips, can only see this tongue wetting them for her, waiting for her. She can only feel the grip of strong fingers sending chills all over her body, turning the pick of her breast hard. She whimpers. Lexa is everywhere but nowhere at the same time, sending waves of intoxication to Clarke as the blonde moves her hips, seeking out friction. The weightless contact of her underwear against her clit is enough to amplify her need, but far from giving any satisfaction. It lets her panting, craving for more.

Lexa barely even touched her yet. She isn't kissing her either, ravageous lips teasing her by their proximity. Lexa isn't touching her, yet Clarke feels her burning heat everywhere. It is her stare, most of all, that fills her, magic green eyes watching her, loving her, making love to her soul. Her every cell answers to that call, and she vibrates more and more as Lexa's fingertips ease their way up under the bindings of her breasts, when Lexa's hand slides along her mound to the top and brushes her nipple.

Clarke's breah hitches but she stays under Lexa's stare, open and submissive to her touch. She accepts Lexa's intent to worship and love, and she loves her back as fiercely.

As Lexa's hand massage Clarke's breast, making her moan her pleasure, they look at each other.

As Lexa's hips come down to her, positionning herself between Clarke's legs and start to rock very slowly, they look at each other.

As Clarke's shaky fingers work to dislodge the layers of clothes, baring Lexa's skin for her to touch and feel, then doing the same with hers, they look at each other.

It is slow, like a dance with the music of their breaths. When Clarke is done with their clothes, as they lay naked in the same position as before, with Lexa hovering and rocking her core achingly slowly, Clarke's hand comes to carress her lover's cheek. She smiles at her.

There are no words, not really, to convey what they are feeling now. Clarke doesn't try to find them. She can only tell her with her eyes for one lingering moment, as Lexa humps against her, as their heated sex join and kiss.

Then her fingers slide behind Lexa's neck. Inch by inch, the space between their lips decrease. She can feel the vibration of her mouth coming closer, feel the softness radiating from those gorgeous lips she is about to taste, at long last. As the brush of flesh against her lips sends shivers to Clarke's belly and a bolt of want to her swollen clit, she hears Lexa's hoarse voice.

'Klark'

It is so far from the greeting she once gave her when they first rejoined, days ago, after Clarke almost drown and Lexa found her near Iku. Rescued her, again. So many things have changed since that day. Now Lexa is calling her name like a prier coming true.

Hearing Lexa calling her that way, her eyes lock in hers, Clarke can only respond with the same awe.

'Leksa'

My love. My everything.

In that moment there is something more, something new, happening between them. They reach an other level of their relationship, a level of profond communion, a promise of equality, both as souls and as humans. The shared wisdom of the gods made flesh.

When their lips meet, it is the kiss of adoration, the kiss of fusion. Together finally, they are one. They can rest. They are complet now.

Savaya and Heda.

As Lexa's tongue carresses and explores Clarke's mouth, Clarke's eyes shut tight. There is nothing else that the kiss of their tongues and the kiss of their heated sex. Everything is in slow motion, a pure bliss of adoration. They feel it all.

It is slow, the sliding of their naked bodies. In the silence of the hut their music is strong, sounds of their wet core seeking out the other clit like they want to merge, panting of breath hitching more and more as the pleasure increase, tongue stroking each other's mouth between moans and named being called like a devotion. Sweat and cum flow from one to the other as they commune with their moving bodies. It is the fusion of their inner beings most of all, that brings them higher toward to their climax.

Clarke never experienced something as intimate as what they are sharing now. It is perfect. With a few more rocking of her hips, she digs her heels in Lexa's lower back, gripping her shoulders with all her might.

' _Leksa_ '

They are not kissing anymore, they are breathing each other, Lexa's face so close to Clarke. When she moans her name Lexa understands and she knows she feels is too. There is no need to say it, there are cuming together. As one.

They eyes lock, they do not break their stare as they reach their commun orgasm. They couldn't even if they wanted to. Usualy when having sex, Clarke has the tendency to close her eyes to concentrate on the feel of her body, but now is about her soul merging with Lexa's, coming home.

They stay levitating in their bliss, Lexa's wild grunt harmonising with Clarke's high moan of pleasure, they prolonge the effect of their orgasm with little friction of their core.

They don't move. They feel. They feel the release of energy, of pure power, that their climax triggers, they feel the explosion of all limitations, where they can see clearly into each other without the veil of humanity. They see the truth of their bound. The distant echo of their inner selves is not more, it has become a firm presence in the front of their being. For a handfull of seconds, Clarke feels the unity of herself, the surge of infinit and perfection sleeping into her, waiting to be allowed.

The powerful revelation doesn't last though, as after her meditations there comes a time when Clarke is rejoining her human condition. The effects of her orgasm slowly stretch out, leaving her relaxed and content. Lexa smiles at her with the understanding of wisdom. Clarke is learning to touch and bring out the inner part of herself, where Lexa is Heda all the time. For her, there is not distant echo.

It will take time for Clarke to be fully Savaya, but those little glimpses are encouragement enough. Patience is a requierement when walking on this path she is choosing for herself.

Lexa's grinning face lowers as she kisses Clarke long and sweet, playing with her lips with her tongue. Clarke sighs her happyness, glides her fingers in wild braids.

When Lexa's lazy mouth leaves her to go on her neck scratching her teeth teasingly, Clarke knows they are on for an other round.

/

It is early morning when Rider comes knoking at their door. In the quiet of the one room hut, Lexa rouses with the ease of war, always ready even in her deep sleep. Clarke moves a little when the warmth leaves her side, and she is alone in the empty bed. She can hear hush talks somewhere behind her, as she is laying on her front with messy blond hair all around. She is not enough awake to concern herself with their nudity, but even so she is learning to let go of her insecurities regarding her body. All around her Grounders are at ease with their bodies, they are not shy nor ashamed of their form. For them, the sexual parts of their physique is the same as any other limb, they value it no more no less than an arm or a leg, it is a part of a whole that they don't feel the need to hide or show off.

Clarke stays still, spread on her front in the warm furs of their nest, her naked body still humming from sweet exhaustion. She remembers the feeling of Lexa's calloused fingers filling her slowly, coming completely in and out of her, each time brushing her clit on her way, making her moan and crave for more. Her sex can still feel the teasing fingertips playing with her entrance as Lexa penetrated inside of her, so very slowly, all the while telling her how good it felt to have her fingers inside of Clarke, how she loved the sound of her wet folds taking her hand as if it bellonged there, pleasing her, filling her.

Clarke's sensitive clit clenches at the memory of those husky words breathed at her ear, as the scuffed's digits picked up the pace, coming in with long and deep thrusts, fully in and fully out, making her scream and hump higher, loving the feel of the scratches all along Lexa's fighting fingers, brushing her walls.

Clarke licks her lips. She remembers her own nose buried in Lexa's dripping core, the taste of her delicious folds inviting her. Most of all she remembers the strong hand of her lover on her head, pushing her face more into her as she thrusted her hips, effectively riding her mouth.

Lexa's voice as she came all arround her tongue.

Clarke shivers with want, the memories turning her on as she wakes up more. She doesn't want to think just yet, she only wants to feel. Her brain doesn't work, but her body does, and it is already seeking the hairy friction of the furs against her open legs. It is not enough to get her off and for a moment she hesitates. Of course the wants her lover to join her and make her come, preferably with a hard wild fuck as their previous night was all about worshipping and making slow love. This morning Clarke feels the need for rough. But she can hear the ush tone behind her and she knows no-one disturbe this hut unless it is important. Unless Heda is needed.

So, no sex for Clarke this morning. Not with Lexa anyway.

This deduction makes her swollen clitoris clutch against the furs of the mattress. Her hips move more surely, pushing her folds with a strong thrust down. Her right hand grips the fabric under her as her left hand goes to massage her breast. She is always better using her left hand. The feel of her belly's sensitive skin brushing the sheets adds to the climax which is building in her core with a consistant pace. She isn't aware of her surrounding anymore, all she registers is the friction against her still wet sex and the movement of her hips keeping her there.

She loves the way the slightly abrasive fabric sends bolts of pleasure into her clit, and soon she wants more of it. With blind fingers her left hand goes down to open herself more, spreading her legs and her folds out of the way so her nub is fully in contact with her complying mattress. Her breath hitches as she thrusts harder. She is so wet she is marking the sheets with her juice, and she loves it. She is so wild right now, all she can _be_ is sexual. The feel of her dripping sex is enough to make her hump more, thrusting in and out, bulking her butt toward the sky before crashing it down.

Clarke is lost in lust and sea of pleasure, climbing up the ladder toward her climax, when something new happens that makes her moan loudly. A new addition she wasn't hopping for chooses to join her. She welcomes is with a push of her ass as she is already changing position on her knees. Lexa's hot hand doesn't tease, doesn't play, it is all hard and strong, fucking her all the way in her clinching sex. Clarke's walls contract at the feel of those powerfull fingers filling her. She moans even more as Lexa rotates ever so slightly and starts hitting her point deep inside her, and keeps hitting her again and again.

The sound of Lexa sliding barely in and out of her, her palm clashing strongly against her entrance in a wet clap with increasing pace sends an other bolt of pleasure into Clarke. Fuck, she loves to hear this sound, how wet she is for Lexa, how hard Lexa thrusts inside of her, fucking her from behind. She doesn't feel Lexa's hot body against her own, all she can feel are those fingers pumping her wild. She vaguely remarks the hand sliding aroung her waist before Lexa's other hand finds her clit. Clarke screams her surprise, throwing her head back with a gasp.

'Fuck!'

Her voice is hoarse, a groan more than a word, but Lexa gets the sentiment as she presses _harder_. Fuck, this woman is amazing. Clarke is so close now, she needs to come. She climbs on her elbows and knees, her face flushed against the mattress she can barely breath, but she doesn't care. All she cares about is thrusting her hips back faster to meet those fingers pounding her, so very gratefull for Lexa's powerfull arms as she picks up the pace still, hitting her each time.

When Lexa adds a third finger, Clarke sees spots in her vision.

When Lexa's naked hips come pushing against her palm, pushing her hand deeper inside Clarke, actually fucking her with each thrust, the idea of being totally fucked by Lexa is all it takes to make her wild and push back. She knows Lexa's knuckles must be brushing against her lover's clit, she knows Lexa is behind her taking pleasure fucking her hard. Lexa's sex must be so wet, her juices are probably sliding their glistening cum all along those strong, tanned thighs of her.

Fuck, Clarke has to eat her out again. Her mouth is already waterring in anticipation when Lexa's skillfull digit presses her clit and makes her scream, sending her over the edge. Clarke's orgasm is an explosion of stars, as Lexa keeps on fucking her. She rides her climax as long as she can. All she feels are Lexa's calloused fingers against her walls, sliding once more then stopping deep inside of her, making her clutch around them.

Fuck. That was hard, and such a good morning fuck.

Clarke wants to keep the feeling of being filled as long as she can, she wants the strong fingers to stay inside her as she comes back from her high. She blindly reaches out to grip Lexa's wrist before the woman even think of leaving her core. That's when she registers Lexa's dripping folds still brushing her own palm. Lexa is still moving her hips against her from behind. Lexa is still fucking her, but more importantly she is still fucking _herself_ , right against Clarke's butt.

Clarke's mouth immediately wants to feel her, to eat her, to slide her tongue in the hot wetness calling out. But she enjoys the position they're in, she loves the idea of Lexa masturbating against her, high from fucking her. She knows she is.

Clarke pushes her hands againts the mattress then, climbs on her knees. She keeps her hand on Lexa's wrist, she keeps Lexa's fingers inside her as she moves ans presses her back to Lexa's sweaty front. She rocks her ass back against her lover knowingly. Lexa moans against her neck. Clarke smiles lazily, still high on her previous orgasm. She can feel her own pleasure starting new as Lexa is fucking herself just behind her.

This is so hot.

Clarke grunts. Her hand leaves the wrist once she knows Lexa won't leave her, and comes gripping Lexa's ass hard pushing her against her. Her other hand sneaks in dark locks, pulls harshly on the hair to bring Lexa's mouth to hers in a heated kiss. Their tongues meet in a sloppy wet kiss, their lips mixing their saliva in their first kiss since waking up. They are wet everywhere, sharing their juices from every pore, so wild and animalistic Clarke's core clutches around Lexa's fingers inside her. But this is not about her now. This is about Clarke's ass moving against Lexa's hand, about Lexa's hand moving against Lexa's folds, Lexa's clit sliding wet against her knuckles. Lexa's entrance dripping against her, waiting for her.

Fuck.

Clarke's hand leaves Lexa's neck and joins the other cheek of her lover's musclar butt. She pushes hard with both hands and Lexa starts rocking her more. Clarke can feel the fingers shifting in and out of her, fucking her again as Lexa is pressing herself. She hears the wet sound of their sex again, and she loves it. She wants to hear more of it. Her left hand, her more skillfull hand, goes down and arround Lexa's cheek, brushes the inside of her open thigh. She moans when she touches the juices leaking there. Lexa is _so wet_ for her. She can't help it, she really can't, Clarke brings her hand out and to her mouth, sucking her fingers dry.

The need to taste is so powerfull, she whimpers. Lexa grunts in her neck and thrusts harder in answer, sending bolts in both of their core. Clarke's ass doesn't stop humping when Clarke brings her hand back to tracks, sliding along the tasty juices of Lexa she fallows the wanting trail to the hotness of her sex. With her fingertips she can feel Lexa's knuckles brushing her clit, Lexa's folds opened and thrusting up and down in rocking motions. She strains her arm back enough to dip her fingertips in the heat entrance from behind.

Lexa's approving moan and the way her hips rock back to get her to fill her is so hot. The woman is wild against her, thrusting up against her ass, thrusting down against her fingers. Clarke's arm is too short to do more than brushing the dripping hole, and even if she knows the teasing motions there would be enough to bring Lexa to her climax, Clarke wants to slide in and out of her. She wants to feel her fingers pushing against her walls, to feel the warmth of Lexa arround her. So she moves her fingers wet from Lexa's juice back a little, relaxing her arm and moving her wrist into position.

When her wet fingertip first brushes the tight hole of Lexa's ass, Lexa's breath hitches in her neck. When Clarke's fingertips pushes at the entrance there, Lexa bits her neck in a whimpering moan, sending shivers to Clarke's core still ridding Lexa's hand.

The reaction is enough of an invitation for her. Clarke is so high on their fuck she honestly isn't sure if she would have been able to stop herself anyway. The tip of her index finger thrusts in and out of the hole, sliding with ease as it is wet and Lexa's ass opens and clutches as she moves. Inch by inch Clarke's finger goes deeper, pass her nail to her first phalange. The feel of Lexa's hot tight hole around her finger is enough for Clarke. She is fucking Lexa at the same time that Lexa is fucking herself, and she _loves_ it.

They are in a rhythm now, rocking in and out, soaking and moaning as they climb. Wet. The wet sound of their fucking is so hot. Clarke's right hand leaves Lexa's ass cheek, the woman is already pushing herself harder and harder against her, she doesn't need encouragement. She brings her free hand to the back of Lexa's head instead, inviting her to bit harder, to suck and mark her neck. Clarke hisses at the feeling. The jolt of pleasure is so good she licks her lips and bucks back roughly. Always harder.

Their night of love making is far aways now. They are wild and hard.

'Fuck'

Again, Clarke's voice is a roar as she grips Lexa's hair and forces her lover's mouth out of her neck, bringing her to her waiting lips. They are so slick of sweat and cum, it is perfect when their saliva meet once more in a sloopy kiss of teeths, lips and tongues. Clarke moans in Lexa's mouth, so high on their joined fluids and the feel of Lexa's butt clutching arround her digit as she sucks Lexa's tongue in and out, rocking her lips around her tongue in a sexual motion.

They are breathing hard and soon the air is not enough to keep the kiss going. They can't concentrate on anything else than their core seaking out exctasy.

'Klark'

God, she loves Lexa's bedroom voice, so husky and so raw.

'Klark'

Clarke's name is a calling for release as they fuck fast and hard. Clarke's hand isn't on Lexa's hair anymore, it is on the hut's wall at the head of their bed, keeping them both upright as they ride each other's hand. They are a tangle of aching limbs, muscles burning but never stopping. They can't stop, they can only go higher, right to the edge.

' _Klark_ '

'FUCK'

One more thrust and Clarke's sex is ready to explode in her second orgasm, Lexa's oblivious fingers hitting her spot so good. She cries out and thrusts her own fingers deeper into Lexa's hole. Lexa moans her climax against her neck and they keep on rocking, sharing their orgasm and making it last. Lexa's hips moves up and down against Clarke's hand and against her ass, and Clarke's hips meet her each time, again and again.

Slowly the rocking eases into a lazy pace and stops. They are pressed against each other, searching for breath, their fingers buried in hot wetness. In the silence of their hut, they enjoy the feel of each other, the feel of them together _everywhere_.

/

/

/

A/N

Yey ! Some sexy time for this chapter ;o)

There is always more to come with this story, i might be a little slow(er) to update as it is summer and i have others waiting projects to attend to ^^

But don't worry, i'm still on it. Same goes for the other story 'small gestures'

As always i hope you enjoy that new chapter and thank you for your reviews !

:o)


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